I was shocked this morning with a “bolt” out of the blue. Namely an unusual reminder that at this time of the year, I seem to struggle in my soul. It came from no-where, but then I remembered it’s September 1st tomorrow and whammo, it all came back.
Spring in New Zealand is supposed to be such a lovely entry point to growth, newness and reinventing yourself after a slower, more hibernating and reflective winter. It’s a time when I should feel more energised, more creative and “rearing to go”. It is also my birthday at the start of Spring, so logic has it, it’s a time for all things new, a clean slate and a new plate on which to put some new life morsels, activities and biz pursuits to “go after” or indulge in.
But that it not what it feels like, nor has it felt like that for years at this time of the year. It’s a time of the year that I have often been at my lowest, my most “lost” and my “leanest”. Perhaps it’s astrology, but it doesn’t feel like that. Perhaps it’s some kind of “post-SAD” – Seasonal Affective Disorder – the Winter Blues or the likes, but it also doesn’t feel like that either. It actually feels like it’s my soul tugging away to be heard and recognised and it also feels like my body and energy levels require some new “calibrating”.
So logically what do I notice about my Springs of the past.
- It’s when my favourite nana died.
- It’s when I’ve often been low in money for some reason. I still haven’t worked out why.
- It’s when I returned from my difficult exchange student year in Germany and had to find my first job.
- It’s when I returned from my big O.E (travels) feeling somewhat disillusioned.
- It’s when I was at my lowest ebb many years ago and attempted to end my life.
- It’s when I was typically at my heaviest weight following a cold southern winter.
- It’s when I got married. And it’s when I left my marriage.
In fact as I ponder these seemingly random events, it’s fascinating that they all have been within a 6 or 7 week time frame at the beginning of Spring.
So what do I take from this intuitive wake-up message today and the familiar “low” feeling I am experiencing as I write?
It tells me I am still feeling a little “off-beat” in my soul. I reminds me that I have often run from pain and it catches up on me if that wound remains unhealed. It also reminds me of the theme I have carried for many years of never really feeling like I have “found my place”. It also reminds me to care for my body and my energy levels, over and above the demands of others in my personal and professional life.
Do I need to “fix” this and “boost myself up” to feel more buoyant and on top of things? No, not really as that would not honour my seasonal highs that need lows, and lows that one day produce the highs. It would also tell me that so-called “negative” emotions are bad, but in fact they are great signposts of what is and isn’t working and what my soul is really crying out for. And it reminds me that my body is not a machine that requires everything to be the same. It is in fact a fluctuating work of art.
But on that note, body rituals are what help me “ride” this familiar tide of soul struggle – helping me let go of things not needed, and to allow what is needed and desired enter into my life. Here’s what I started with today and have planned for the week.
- A gorgeous body massage and reflexology this morning. I came out feeling a million dollars.
- A mid-day rest to help my body recover from my recent cold and flu and to allow my body to detox and recover.
- My bi-yearly “boob and lube” – a.k.a – breast check and cervical smear. What a great time to be checking my womanly health.
- Allowing myself to “remember” and cry when the crying comes, and asking my body to release those memories and hurts through its natural functions.
- Re-writing my soul nourishment menu – not a food “plan”, but sitting and asking my soul what it really wants and needs to be fed right now and during the coming weeks – people, activities (or non-activity even!), rituals and other lovely nourishment.
When is your seasonal struggle?
What intuitively is that “struggle” telling you?
And what do you “know” within you already, that will help get you through that “struggle” with more ease?
Need some help? Janelle Fletcher www.somebodybeautiful.com