7 common mistakes women make to make themselves less desirable

Having had a few years being single and also years of being in a marriage where I didn’t allow myself to be that “desirable”, I have noticed many mistakes women make that keep them feeling undesirable, single or in a “far from hot” relationship.

1. Women associate their weight, shape and appearance with being desirable. When their weight, shape or look changes beyond what is “acceptable” in their eyes, their own beliefs, words and actions send out the “undesirable vibe” to others.  One that says, “I’m not worth getting close to”, “You wouldn’t like me” or “I don’t like me, so why should you?” They avoid social opportunities because of….wait for it…their weight, their dress that will no longer fit or their skin or hair that they think won’t turn a thousand heads.

2.  Women try to be equal in all ways to a man, so lose the beauty and desirability factor of being feminine. Being feminine does not mean being weak.  Being feminine can be incredibly strong and sexy.  Allow yourself to be given to.  Allow yourself to dress, smell, move, dance and enjoy feminine pleasures. If the “bloke jobs” aren’t your thing, it may not be necessary for you to be the “wonder woman”.  Allow yourself to loosen your grip on “controlling” everything and move away from the “I can (or have to) do everything” mentality.

3.  Women give, give and give some more to others – namely children, husband, partner, neighbour, boss…and whoever else “needs”  them, and the women have nothing left for themselves.  They feel stretched, exhausted and often resentful or envious. None of this is attractive!  Find a passion that you can indulge in and receive pleasure from.

4.   Women use the word “just” a lot.   “I’m just a mother.”  “I just work part-time.”  “I’m just not…..enough.”  Just is a very belittling word and creates that undesirable vibe.  Motherhood can be one of the most fulfilling roles we have as women, and a happy mum, in my eyes, is hugely desirable.  A women who finds balance working part-time whilst allowing herself time for life balance enjoying other pleasures is very enjoyable to be around. Banish the word “just” when it belittles you.  With shoulders back and head held high, proudly let others know who you are.

5.   Women often associate lack of sexual activity or opportunity as a key marker of their desirability and as time goes on, their confidence wanes even further.  Ladies, we do not need a partner to be the sexy, sensual, desiring, passion-filled women we are. Find other outlets to unleash your inner sexy.  Take up a dance class, redesign a room with luscious colour and texture, learn a new language, prepare gorgeous food and invite someone over.  Dare to unleash some of your sexual taboos of the past.

6.   Women fob off compliments. A strong, desirable women doesn’t need compliments to “up” her self esteem. When she receives them though, she actually hears them, acknowledges them and says a simple “Thank you”  She doesn’t go on at length about how cheap the dress was, the bargain she got with a friend’s friend who did her hair or completely ignore or fob off the compliment by saying, “No I’m not” or boomeranging the compliment saying “Hey you look great too!”  Start giving and receiving compliments about your character and accomplishments, not just your looks, fashion or external stuff.

7.   Women nag a lot and are far too bossy.  The other day I overheard a woman talking to her husband on speaker phone and she gave him the “tenth degree” about every answer he gave.  By the end of the conversations – nagging, bossiness and all – he was backed into a corner.  I have no doubt she was less desirable in his eyes!  Chill girls and ask yourself, “Does what I am nagging about really matter?”  If not, hush up!