Has it been a while since you felt sexy, sassy and loving the lusciousness of an intimate relationship? Want your spark back, whether you are single or feel like you are in a bit of a drab relationship?
For many women, their fire has gone out and only the ashes remain following separation, divorce, death of their partner, a string of bad relationships, bad internet dating experiences or still finding themselves single. So how can we reignite our inner sexy, sensuality, and sassiness whether we have a loving partner or not and why should we even bother?
First let’s start with the why! We love it, we feel good, we feel hot, we love romance, we yearn for the closeness of good sex, we are sensual, touchy-feely people, the feel good hormones respond to some good loving, and we feel more alive. Great reasons! So now how about the how?
Sexiness is an outside job as well as an inside job. Don’t keep your best clothes, or your favourite perfume, for a special occasion. Why not wear your best dress to work or your favourite sexiest jeans to the dentist or your most colourful top and most gorgeous perfume to the school show? Ban black and wear more colour. Wear textures that feel and look good. Attend to your personal care and appearance. You don’t have to be donning over-the-top make-up or spend hours in front of the mirror, but why not attire and adorn yourself in things that make you feel gorgeously feminine? Stop hiding beneath your layers, and start emerging out of your cocoon into a more colourful you and a more colourful life!
Use your body. When we feel unsexy, our body shows it in the way we hold ourselves, move and groove. The “mind-set” way of thinking would have us mantra-ing “I am beautiful, sexy and all the rest”, but I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me on its own. When I experiment with the way I move, groove, dance, make love and all that good stuff, I know that emBODYing sexiness is the key. I don’t mean learning the latest Beyonce moves. I do mean “feeling sexiness” in my body by deliberately choosing stances, postures and movements that have me feeling hot! This also gets us out of that “frozen stuckness” (some would call it frigidity) in our body, which can happen when we simply don’t feel attractive.
Light more candles. I don’t know about you but candles make me feel hot. In my single days, I lit them every night making the mood in my house feel lighter and brighter. Make a tasty candle-lit meal with aromatic spices and invite someone round. Picnic more on the floor. Sleep next to the fire. For most of us women, we enjoy warmth. Find great textures to snuggle up with. Feel the sun on your skin. Enjoy a spa, sauna, massage or pleasurable pamper. No it doesn’t need to cost the earth. Invite a friend to give you a hand-rub or back massage in the comfort of your own home. Share the love!
Throw away some sexual taboos. Much of our beliefs have come from other influences like our parents, the school we went to, the church, our peers and others we have mixed with. Perhaps it’s time now to decide for yourself what is kosha or not when it comes to sexual and sensual things. Start having some conversations on topics once thought of as hush-hush. Give yourself permission to explore the unknown. Uncover your real inner secret desires and go for it. Why tie up your desires that can’t wait to be unleashed?
Sexual and intimacy experiences of past relationships need not be the same this time round. It would be easy to assume that future experiences of relationship, sex and love will be based on what has occurred in the past. Dangerous thinking! Every new person in your life is different and offer you different opportunities for your growth and learning, and theirs! It does however pay to recognise what worked and what didn’t work in the past, and what part you played in that. No blaming here! It is also worth noticing the patterns you have created when it comes to love, passion and intimacy – in other words what pushes your buttons – hot ones and not so hot ones. It takes courage to respond differently this time round…so grab some courage, take a “leap of faith” and make a commitment to having great sexual and intimate experiences beyond what you have experienced before by responding differently.
SEX – is not just about love-making. It is about Self EXpression. Don’t try and mould yourself into something you are not. Find your inner sexy – what turns you on creatively, what turns you on socially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, politically, financially….and everything else –ly! When you Self Express yourself –showing your real juicy self, your world changes and suddenly you will find yourself with the person of your dreams, or rev up your current relationship, or ditch the old outworn one or find yourself quite contentedly doing life single-ly.