My partner, the other night, came out with something profound. “Sometimes it’s easier to change, than accept the situation.”
Referring to the situation where his wife left him suddenly for another man and the devastating pain he went through afterwards and the subsequent time and healing that has occurred and is still ocurring, he came out with this gem.
Being a Taurus, he’s a change-maker. He sees something that needs done or that needs “fixing” and he’s off like a bull at a gate. Being more of a doer, and less of a sentimental, “fall into a heap type” person, this profound revelation is very much him. For you it might not seem quite that easy, but I do think there’s some gold in here for all of us.
Somethings we cannot easily accept a situation, but we can take even the “incy-wincy” steps to change something and that very step may, in fact, be easier. How about these examples.
You feel fat, and perhaps you are indeed a little on the “porky” side.
Not accepting that “fact” means you might stay in constant angst, keep up the self-belittling, be in pain, deny yourself of going out and doing what you want to do, exhaust your mental energy…(and the list goes on!) when in fact a small focus on change might be more productive and more satisfying. A simple walk, a glass of nourishing smoothie rather than a piece of cake, a change in belief, a phone call with a mentor or a new yoga class that would fill your soul might be better.
Your man/partner/lover has just left you or you’re about to throw in the towel on a relationship.
Feeling and knowing your soul’s yearning for love, it might indeed by difficult to accept the fact that your partner has gone (and “done what he’s done!” I can hear you saying!) or to accept that despite the logistics or reasons for staying in the relationship, you know your soul is calling you to end it. Difficult to accept? Yes. But change might in fact be easier. That step of change might be, for you, surrounding yourself with some positive friends, upping your self-care and self love rituals, honouring the good, bad and uglies of the relationship and forgiving your self first and foremost for a part you may have played in the situation. Initiating change starts with “I’, not “H” for him!
You have been through some body change or transition. eg. mastectomy, losing your hair, disability, changing body function, menopausal changes, aging… For a women, her body is her temple, and for the temple to change, this can often feel like a sobering and very deep and even sacred scarring. Yes, by all means grieve for what has been. Yes by all means, find new ways of loving and appreciating who you are and what you do have. And yes, be in gratitude for the amazing way your body adapts to it its changing nature or function. These are all steps of change in fact, which may one day allow gradual acceptance to shine through those difficult day moments of darkness.
The word change, intrinsically, holds the “charge” or energy of shift, movement, and a state of flux or even imbalance. But maybe you’re afraid of change, and therefore just go into “accepting mode” or perhaps more aptly put “victim mode” or “I’ll lay the blame on someone or something else for the way my life looks”. This acceptance of what has been an intolerable or perhaps a purely unpleasant situation without taking some proactive steps to climb out of “what was” to “what can be” can be damn difficult, debilitating or damaging to your spirit.
What are you choosing? Acceptance or change?