Grief…We’re told to get over it, get through it, get to the end of it or to get a grip on it (or ourselves) should we veer off in uncontrollable crying, outbursts or other outpourings of overpowering emotions, thoughts and behaviours.
Same with depression. Dull it, deny it or deaden it with medication.
But what if grief and depression were our nuggets of gold and the making of us,
rather than rubble and the breaking of us?
And what if the grief that comes from death, disability, divorce, abuse, infertility, miscarriages or any other changes in our lives…was actually a gift, nor a grievous mistake.
When we’re grieving, what’s really important in life suddenly becomes more crystal clear, when previously we may have sat in confusion or lack of clarity. Regret, lost time, sadness and unfulfilled dreams make what we want, crave or would die for all the more obvious. In fact, grief can re-ignite a lost spark within us and spur us on to live life how we would like it, not how we’ve been living it to date.
When we’re grieving, our emotional state is in overwhelm and exaggerated – not falsely or wrongly, but in authenticity of who we really are and what we are really feeling. Is that not powerful when it comes to the possible potency of our creative juices? Imagine the art, the music and creative gifts that have been, and will continue to be unwrapped in the state and grace of grief.
And in grief, who comes to comfort us? It is in those early moments, we know who are true friends are and their qualities that make them special. Surrounded by people who care in that initial time in grief is priceless. Surrounding ourselves more long-term after that initial period of grief where people rally around, is also a gift, because who we formerly associated with, may not be ideally who we would choose to travel the rest of our life with.
And what of the learning and growth that has come from journeying through grief? What have we learned? What has this experience opened us up to that we would never have experienced or dived into before? What new interesting avenues has it taken us down? What judgement have we learned to put aside?
And often the gift of grief is that it takes us beyond ourselves into a different realm of existence, a different realm of faith or a brand new relationship with something greater than ourselves, because we may feel un-resourced without that extra “force” within us. Our spiritual fortitude is tested. Our inner strength and resourcefulness is given wings. And even in those moments of complete devastation, pain and agony, we dig deep within ourselves like never before.
The gold is in the grief.