This week I felt my skin tighten, my hands go up in despair and my heart wrench again as I read an article from yet another “up and coming modern day woman” who is putting out a new online programme about getting shit done (GSD) and flagging the “emotional stuff”.
GSD is becoming a sought after disease in my eyes and it ignores the inherent nature of who we are in our feminine, and it also negates the positives of emotional expression, inner self worth and also the need or desire for a softer way of living life.
Ladies, from years of playing superwoman and becoming a burnt-out, unwell superwoman for a time, I now know we don’t always have to do, do, do. There is another way to feel successful without a tick-off list. And how many of us women cry for a rest or retreat but keep going – fighting the feminine who is crying out for more pleasure and less pain, more rest and less stress and more ease and less disease in our mind and in our spirit?
The feminine is “curves” – not just ploughing the straight lines of a field day in and day out, not just keeping the stiff upper lip while you are a blithering mess and not simply pleasing or appeasing others with your “brilliant efforts”, while ignoring your own self-care or natural ebb and flow of emotions.
And how about this?
- Imagine telling your teenage daughter when her relationship breaks up “Don’t worry darling, just get over it and get on with finding the next boyfriend” instead of allowing her to feel sad, pine and get the comfort and support she desires from you.
- It also doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that suppressed emotions don’t stay suppressed forever. Ignoring them, by getting on with life and ploughing on is not helpful. One day emotions will show their head in unwellness, in a massive tantrum, life crisis or some other guise.
- And GSD, I believe, is another from of escapism – much like being attached at the hip to your phone or social media posts. We lose sight of the real world, and we lose our connection and deeper intimacy with people we actually used to, or presently claim to care about because we are simply too busy GSD’ing.
- And what’s more is that GSD is a masculine way of measuring our success. We think we have to get stuff done, ticked off and accomplished in a time-frame and manner that warrants approval from yourself or others. The feminine in us knows, from a deep inner space, that self approval is the biggest measure of success whether we are doing loads, or doing nothing, whether we are looking our best or not, and whether we look like we “have it sorted” or whether we are fumbling around for awhile. And actually, why do we have to build an empire right here, right now when other things may be more important, more pressing or more up your alley in terms of what you actually value?
- And GSD – helps us block out the pain of change, grief or transition – where the actual gold is. How many women do you know who have had cancer, to then finally have the “aha” moment that there is more to life than business, GSD, success in the material world and being the next “biggest and brightest woman” offering the planet something. Sometimes, success is in the simple.
Food for thought ladies. Here’s to doing less, so we can have more.
Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.
And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?
And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman. See you there!
Janelle Fletcher www.janellefletcher.com
Yesterday was Mother’s Day and as a mother of many (6 in fact!) I have a love-hate relationship with Mother’s Day. Some years I have gone in to the day with huge expectations and have come out feeling a little less than acknowledged or “pleasured”. Other days, like yesterday, I decided to drop the expectations and just make the most of taxi-driving to my son’s soccer game and then doing the pick-ups and drop-offs for my daughter and her friend. Not a great alternative to fine wining, dining, resting, coffee-ing or abandoning responsibilities that a mother secretly craves, but it was a conscious decision to enjoy the day no matter what and not rely on someone else to make it a good one.
So yes, my day ended out being a good one – in fact, a simple, yet pleasurable day enjoying my son finally getting a full game on the field and excelling – making me and himself proud, after weeks of spending half of the game on the bench. I had a nice (pre-game) walk with another mum and retold stories and recollections of women we knew who had been through some tragedies when it comes to being mum including loss of kids – in particular through accident, death and suicide, and we were reminded to be incredibly grateful for our kids who are still with us. And the afternoon, the pick-ups and drop-offs were far more pleasant than they could have been, and my son and I filled in time eating monstrous Movenpick ice-creams at the beach. Pleasant yes. Filled stomach, for sure!
But is was into the night when the “darkness” caught up with me – that is, my seething pain around my ex-husband not supporting the kids financially and the huge strain that is on me. It heightened my emotions around the fact that it’s ME, and not him that turns up for every occasion with the kids. It is me who feeds them, reminds them to do their homework, snuggles in bed with them, teaches them how to cook, shows them the way of the world…..He is an absent parent in more ways than one, and sometimes this makes my blood boil.
So I went to bed seething and I woke up feeling depressed, like an after-match hangover. And I stayed this way most of the day.
But what has this got to do with selling my jewellery? Well it’s a Taurus New Moon – a bit of a clean slate time and a reminder to let some of the past go. So this morning I ploughed through my jewellery box and found bits and pieces that my ex had given me or pieces that I had bought when I was grieving our separation, divorce and humble times…and I have decided to sell them, clear the energy and any of my “emotional umbilical cord” to that era of my past and the expectation that he support me in the way I feel I would love as a woman, mother to “our” kids and as sole parent to them now. I can hear my inner self saying, “For crying out loud. If you can’t send over money, at least tell me how grateful you are that I’m so flippin’ amazing!” but my self worth requires me not to rely on someone else for that or hang around wasting time with baited-breath for something different.
So diamonds, sapphires, garnets and silver…I loved you, I love you, but I allow you to go now as an act of cleaning my slate on this new moon and allowing new energies and emotions to rise within me and for new experiences to reveal themselves as the moon waxes once again. I am so pleased that life waxes and wanes and allows us to rejuvenate.
Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.
And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?
And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman. See you there!
Janelle Fletcher www.janellefletcher.com
Last night I had a bonfire. It was to end my proverbial Tour of Duty of being dutiful wife and mother.
How did this come about?
Well a simple “domestic” got the fire ignited, but the fuel has been added for quite some time actually. In fact years of mothering and playing second fiddle.
So, here’s what happened. A couple of days during the school holidays where I got a welcome couple of days minus kids, I slackened on the “cleaning dishes” front – preferring to take it easy and put other things up the priority list that were important for ME to get ticked off.
Partner, God bless him, came home and had an almighty “spaz” (Do we still use this word?) and didn’t say it, but inferred that I (or perhaps my kids who left for their brief holiday) were lazy. Or that’s at least how I read/heard the situation. He proceeded to pour me a wine and make huge noises and grunts as he washed the dishes and wouldn’t allow me to do anything. A little passive-aggressive I felt. Well, that did it for me and I didn’t appreciate this sentiment like my “duties” hadn’t been properly completed and that I should be reprimanded. I knew full well my rationale behind leaving the dishes dirty on the bench and I loved abandoning my “responsibilities” for a short time of rebellion and well-needed rest.
Well this little tete-a-tete (yes my partner is french, and no, I don’t know how to put the little accent marks on these words!) was the fuel to get my fire of rage lit and started my final bid to end my many years of Tour of Duty on the wife and motherhood front. I love the feminine. I love serving others. I love doing those little things that make a difference for man and child. But I have more recently felt the tug of my heart saying “enough Janelle, enough!”. “Do something for you. Your 6 kids don’t always need you to always think of them first. They need to learn to do more stuff for themselves. And don’t keep being like your mum who was also dutiful wife, mother and probably lover who never considered her own needs first.”
So I did it. I gathered wood, I carried it to the outdoor fire and I lovingly and determinedly made the stand that it I have completed my final Tour of Duty and that I relinquish the habit/pattern/obsession/big heart that continues to have me serving others before myself.
- It is not with Duty that I do what I will do, but out of Desire.
- It is not for others’ approval that I will do things. I will put whatever calls me through my self-approval filter and know I am enough, OK and even loveable even when I appear a little “selfish” or slacken on “what needs done.”
- It is not with silenced grimace and growing resentment that I allow others to take advantage of my kindness and generosity in my personal and biz life. It is out of self-love that I now learn to say “no” to others and “yes” to more of me and have better boundaries.
And so the fire ignited and I smiled as I ended my Tour of Duty and started my Tour of Personal Desire. Do you want to join my tour?
Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.
And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?
And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman. See you there!
Janelle Fletcher www.janellefletcher.com
Do you know the Aretha Franklin song “Natural Woman”? Listen to it here. 
My favourite lyrics are these:
When my soul was in the lost-and-found
You came along to claim it
And that got me thinking.
Do we need some “other person” to help us feel like a natural woman? And what is a “natural woman”?
As always I simply give you my humble perspective, but for me, my experience of feeling lost for numbers of years, lead me down a dark path. Where did that lost feeling come from? From not feeling included, from feeling different and from feeling very alone. My soul simply felt lost and didn’t know where to find itself or find its place.
During that period of teenagehood where I isolated myself within the world of academia and imprisonment of eating disorders and the secrecy and privacy of that, I really did not feel womanly, and certainly not a “natural” woman. And the same goes following my marriage split when I felt so alone and humbled to little.
If I reflect on womanliness, in those two periods of my life, I found myself dressing quite asexually. My religious upbringing also herded me into less than “natural-free-spirited-woman clothing”.
I didn’t enjoy fluidity in my body. Yes I played some sport and yes I did my daily walking, but I did not feel the flowing, flirtatious and fun-induced movement in my step as a “natural woman” would.
I did not learn the art of make-up, and therefore opted for “natural.”
During my singledom I opted for what I call “mechanical” sex. Some would call it “friends with benefits”. This, for me, is not natural. Love-making within a loving relationship is. Allowing myself since then to learn fuller sexual expression is the freedom I gift myself and another as I learn to embrace more of my “natural womanliness”. It is an interesting path to explore such vulnerability, nakedness and naturalness with another.
A natural woman oozes femininity – but that is not something I was schooled in, role-modelled or had the option of exploring until years after my marriage split, when I started to see some light. Dresses and shoes and sexy lingerie, I chose to enjoy. Being less controlling and more receptive became my way of being. Seeking someone to compliment my femininity became my yearning – in the sense of finding a man in his own natural strong masculinity.
I guess when I think about the lyrics, my soul was in the lost and found department and yes I was desiring someone, not to come and “claim me”, but for two souls – each complete – to find each other and create a brand new “whole”. And this is what happened after years of patience, finding my own wholeness and learning to be more of my “natural” self – void of too many material possessions, too much “baggage” and too many tick-charts of what my ideal soulmate would be like.
And what do I think about someone claiming my soul that was lost? I’m not sure it’s the right word. For me it felt more that we found each other and we are each part of each other’s soul healing and we are both part of finding ourselves again in a new light. Yeah to that and the joys and challenges that brings us!
Flicking this morning through the gorgeous book by Dawna Markova, “I will not die an unlived life” which I used years ago in a women’s group I ran, I was re-inspired when actually feeling darn tired!
How am I tired? And how are you tired?
Well for me, most people see me with bundles of energy, vibrant, vivacious, effervescent and someone who can speak with anyone, “up” the energy in a crowd and inspire people to live a less weathered and less busy life. And yes I am a natural at that, and also good at pulling off the “I’ve got loads of energy” trick!
Truth is, I am very tired. Nigh on 50, I have not had a decent night’s uninterrupted sleep for years and my body is exhausted, and it takes up a huge part of my reserves to even muster up physical or mental energy to create anything. It is a wonder I do! At times I feel heavy in my spirit, with the occasional glimmer of light and lightness. This is frustrating, because I live a spirit-guided life, trusting that my path gets revealed, rather than me spending too much time trying to work it all out. Such a way of living is often a patience game, and that game, truth be known, is wearing a little thin. At times I get inspiration and create – much like my recent book I wrote in just 30 days, or when I put on a women’s event that everyone raves about. Other times, if you saw me in my quiet, secret place away from the world, you would realize I spend more time than most in bed wondering what my next step is, why am I still doing a lot of stuff feeling alone and unsupported and why my best efforts, talents and service often still remain unrecognized or taken for granted, leaving me feel even more depleted. But serving others and always putting others up the priority list also zaps me of my own pizazz on occasions.
Actually nowadays I lead a much simpler life after years of caring for my big family, but I am still feeling tired – physically, mentally and soulfully. Yes I am also perimenopausal, and that is beginning to show itself in the feeling that I have of now “re-birthing” myself and my own soul needs, versus the years I have looked after many others’ needs. But this too is a tiring transformation process with its ups, downs, swings and roundabouts.
Today I also know when aligned with Spirit, life is not all roses. It is often bloody difficult as we are called to live a life of trusting and surrendering to the will of Spirit that sometimes takes us to “places and spaces” which may give us that “wobbly feeling” even though we know it is best for us to step into that place and space – whether that be the beginning or ending of life location, vocation or love-relation!
So how did Dawna Markova’s book today inspire me? Well I flicked randomly through it asking for the page to be revealed that would help me today. Without going into the story Dawna told, it reminded me of the joy that fills me when I do random acts of kindness that so easily and effortlessly come from my inner being. To befriend someone who feels lonely or different and let them know they are gorgeous and loved, brings me to tears. To do a simple act that makes someone’s life that much easier or grief less, I notice a “less tired” me! To speak with a random stranger in a bar of cafe and invite them to feel less anxious by connecting with someone in Spirit is my norm, and to see them physically relax into themselves and their current situation with less angst lifts my spirit too. To travel and experience new cultural delights and see the human spirit from an angle that is not my own, is refreshing. I have wander-lust indeed.
But I realize too that this can not come easily from the place where I often sit within my four walls or in the surrounding of my duvet. It will also not come from denying these simple acts I love doing and instead committing to a dead-end 9-5 pm job again under someone else’s jurisdiction. This kills my spirit and always will! My energy will not come from continuing to serve others before myself. It will also not come from doing the same as I have tried for many years in my business.
Dawna Markova’s book is called “I will not die an unlived life”. Intuitively it feels like I don’t need to exhaust myself adding better stuff to my life now to finally say on my death-bed, “That was flippin’ fantastic”. I need to die to my life that is right now, to abandon my past ideas of what my business and life could look like, and to start afresh. And that kind of change actually doesn’t scare me funnily enough, as I enjoy plunging into the unknown! I will keep you posted!
Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.
And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?
And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman. See you there!
Janelle Fletcher www.janellefletcher.com
This morning, I was prompted by a woman online to fully claim my name. So what did I take that to mean and what did that make me think of? The first memory that popped into my head was something that occurred several years ago, when one night I was molested.
Without going into the whole deal, this man said my name in such a sleazy, degrading and sexual way that I really felt disempowered when I introduced myself to others. Saying my name took me back to what happened. It took me back to the deep feelings of shame, hurt and anger within my body. It makes me cry with sadness as I type as I recall the fuller story of being betrayed by a friend who believed him over me.
Some years later I was on a Presenter’s course and we were asked to participate in a simple name exercise. I wept in the “remembering”. However I also took the opportunity right there in that moment to reclaim a more assertive, powerful, louder and more confident “tone” to my name when I spoke it out. I reclaimed the love of my mother when she birthed me and gave me that special name. I declared there and then that who I am is powerful, not powerless and I am a woman of courage, not a victim of circumstance. I also honoured my unsilencing and finding my voice by going to the police even though they disappointed me in their lack of follow-though and ability to take things further.
So what’s in your name(s) that you go by, and do you want to keep, change or give your name(s) new life and energy?
As part of my workshops with women, I have often done an introduction exercise where people write down all of the names they have been given or have assumed – family name, christian name, middle name, adopted name, married name, sexual names, belittling names, teacher’s pet names, names teachers, parents, the church or community have called them, nicknames, names they have overheard people saying about them, adjectives they have been described by, names of endearment, spiritual names, names spoken over them ( eg. “I wish you were never born”), names they have called themselves and their body by and whatever else springs into their awareness when they think about name-calling including the words, tone, volume, attitude and intent behind the name.
This becomes a very powerful opportunity to feel into what names they wish to ditch, and which ones they wish to assume or give energy to again. For some, having divorced, they now wish to assume a different surname that energetically feels uplifting or right for them. For others, they wish to ditch the degrading names they have called themselves or their body, and to start speaking out more body gratitude and body positive messages, not to mention more lovingly describe their body parts. They have released sexual names – whore, bitch, frigid….through body ritual and cleansing. They have created ceremony around their new assumed name.
What does this spark within you today? What is your intuitive voice sounding out for you to consider when it comes to names – for better and for worse? What names are denying you of being fully fabulous?
For me I thank the woman this morning who prompted this enquiry. I claimed the name “vibrant, courageous femme extraordinaire”. I also thank another woman who shared this picture – Your vibe attracts your tribe. This helped me feel into what my vibe and tribe is and I claim these as part of my name today.
I am real, vibrant, authentic, alive, natural, feminine, sensual, courageous, simple, graceful, elegant, open-hearted and shining my unique light, love and loveliness.
Wow, what an awesome name!
Hey gorgeous, I would love you to send me what this post has sparked within you by sending me an email at janelle@janellefletcher.com or by posting a comment at the somebody beautiful facebook community.
And if you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend using the social media links below?
And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman. See you there!
Janelle Fletcher www.janellefletcher.com
Where have all the flowers gone? A song from way-back just popped into my head as I wondered what muse would flow out of me today? In fact I don’t even know if I was a twinkling in my mum’s eye when that song came out, but I can certainly remember the melody. What springs forth from that little ditty (profound and political however!), came the question, “Where has all my female-ness gone?”
I ask myself, what brought that odd question on? Well, I’ve been doing this writing experience – in fact I’m smack back in the middle of it – and it’s called Re-Wilding. It’s really all about getting back the “wild”, the “fiery”, the “inappropriate” and “range of emotions” ME back again.
Because ladies, we have learned to tame ourselves. We want more pleasure, but we deny ourselves of it by distancing or distracting ourselves. We would love to vent what’s really hot and fiery inside, but we “behave ourselves” for fear of offending someone. We would love to be “given to”, have “me time” or indulge in some free time, but we think we have to act all super-man-ish doing everything ourselves and there’s no way we could enjoy some “frivolous” time having more fun.
It’s also much deeper than that. It’s what has lead us to feel misplaced in such a patriarchal world where we have lost ourselves, or can no longer find that deep, intuitive, impulsive, feeling, wild-woman healer within us. We listen to the media – I call it the external media – rather than our inner journalist for solutions to our day-to-day life and its myriad of challenges. We focus on work and getting ahead, versus serving and offering our inner gifts of presence, compassion and love for life. We fit things around a tight schedule, versus aligning with our monthly and seasonal rhythms, succumbing to the beat of someone else’s drum and not our own natural pace. We spend time within our home and work environment far more than in the natural elements. Our feelings of inadequacy are masked and “under-wraps” to keep up with the Jones’ family or to appear as good as Mrs Entrepreneur or another “amazing mum” when really we are feeling exhausted, under the weather and possibly quite soul-discontented.
The masculine and the patriarchy squashes us. The feminine expands us. The masculine tames us. The feminine tempts and teases us playfully. And the masculine freezes us. The feminine feels. She is feisty. She is honest. She is indulgent. She is receptive. She is wild. She loves to dance and have pleasures. She yearns to be unleashed.
So what have I personally noticed during this phase of Re-Wilding? I have learned that I often avoid the darkness, depths and the dive-down deep moments, in favour of hoping life can simply be easier and better without me doing anything, or preferring to “stay positive” with all of my self-help strategies. I have opted for staying relatively quiet and “good-girly” when it comes to my family dynamics even though I know I could change things by bravely speaking out even if they ostracized me further. I have tamed my movement, my sexuality and my vitality doing monotony, routine and stuff that kills my spirit, rather than makes my soul sing. I have allowed my creative spirit to be dampened and put on the back-burner by prioritizing others over myself. I have also largely been “in control” of my life (and people), but I am soooooo (and might I add an extra “o”) learning that I have no control over it/them really, and I would be better off surrendering and “letting go”. Ladies, we talk about that, but do we really do it?
So today I have no answers, no tips and no advice. For that really is the masculine.
I just however invite you, woman to woman, to share one of your “life stories” that is full of emotion and express that story somehow in poetry, song, on top of a mountain top, with a sage stick in hand, or even howling to the moon. The wild woman in you wants to become unharnessed, unsilenced and finally given permission to be less than “appropriate”.
If you love this blog wisdom, why not share it with a friend?
And how about also sharing your “story” here or at our somebody beautiful facebook community?
And if you haven’t already, go to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website, upcoming events, coaching/healing options and updates on my up-coming book – Dancing in her own Full Moonlight – the ebb and flow of being fully woman. See you there!
Janelle Fletcher
When women are racing around attending to everyone’s needs but their own, sometimes they lose sight of their soul purpose or the hunger pains of their soul, which are either screaming out loud, staying dormant in silent rage within their bodies or are such feint whispers that the woman doesn’t even know what’s going to feed her soul anymore. She has lost her “happy place”.
Speaking to a mum yesterday – a beautiful, capable woman of a young daughter who has been through numbers of hospital visits, chemo, lumbar punctures, radiation, casts and a long list of difficult things in her short four years of life – her mum’s words were “I’m not sure where I fit anymore.”
Our conversation headed in the direction of hubby receiving all of the praise for juggling work and such family testing times. But where does this capable woman “fit” and where does her identity lie, not to mention how does she feeling validated and know where her “place” is in the whole scheme of things. Put simply, I think her soul purpose may be hard for her to recognize, and her own needs have been put on the back burner.
Having had long years of being told how marvelous she was in her corporate job, no-one is banging their tambourine acknowledging what an incredible woman she is now. Her current experience is felt as “fitting outside” the norm of how people define success or feel validated. Sometimes it’s difficult to accept that your soul purpose is not necessarily in the corporate world. Your soul lessons may also not be in that arena – like this woman’s and my own experience, because I have also been down the path of intensive mothering of 6 kids, including one with special needs/abilities. And I know that there are other soul reasons for us to be doing what we are doing – day in and day out – humbly, patiently, sacrificing self and also often not being seen. It is not a mission cast upon everyone but perhaps it is not everyone’s soul purpose. And when we fight against our soul purpose, we can grow our seeds of discontentment into wilting flowers – and we end up feeling zapped, worthless and saying “What the hell?”
This feeling of “lost in space or feeling out of place” not only reveals itself in the trials of parenting kids with interesting needs. How about when our children fly from the nest and suddenly your role and identity diminishes and fades into a long lost memory and pining perhaps. It occurs when someone close to us dies. It happens when we leave the marriage or partnership. It occurs often as we ebb and flow through our womanly life fluctuations and curve-balls.
So how can we be more soul-content even when the world and people around us are not “praising us from the hilltops” or when when we feel like we’re in a foreign and perhaps “undesirable” land?
- Discover the freedom that this soul assignment is giving you. It is not all about constraints. Perhaps it is freedom from a strict 9-5 working schedule. Perhaps it is freedom in the type of people you are meeting. Perhaps it is the freedom of alone-time or a new area of learning.
- Learn the art of self-validation. It is only when we lose our expectation that others should love us, adorn us with thanks or even notice us in their own busyness and struggles in life, that we are set free. It is our unmet expectations that often disappoint us and lead us down the path of discontentment.
- Learn that feeding your own soul hungers is also important and is actually YOUR responsibility. If your soul’s longings are not being met, then you are to blame! Take some valuable time to actually re-listen to your soul crying out for what it needs and find a way to feed the need.
If you love this wisdom, why not share with a friend? And how about leaving a comment on how you find your “happy place.”
If you want more, head to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website.
We also have a somebody beautiful facebook community – a gorgeous place for gorgeous women to commune daily! Why not, come over and join us?
I exploded this week – in fact I had a huge emotional melt-down! It appeared out of nowhere as a sudden unexplained outburst at the drop of a hat – actually the drop of a few words by my partner that fuelled me into a lit dynamite stick. Ka-boooomb!!!
Yes, I am menstrual AND peri-menopausal, and hormones are playing havoc – or should I say doing what they are supposed to be doing – allowing me to be more aware (because they are now becoming so crystal clear) of the undertones of what is important and unimportant in my life now as I go through “the change”. Change into my authentic self that has me finally looking after my needs and less of others’ needs – unfamiliar territory, and no doubt there are a few landmines ahead.
But my emotional melt-down looked far from beautiful. It was an ugly scene. It was loud. It was explosive. It was nasty even. And my partner copped it all – in the form of me escaping the nest for a night and me finally after 24 hours of self-indulgence and time out, carrying my tail between my legs and humbly returning home feeling far from gorgeous.
So is it OK for a woman, who has long constrained her emotions, who has long given to others before herself and who is exhausted to her core because of over-giving, over-doing and not getting nearly enough sleep, to have such an emotional melt-down, and could that be considered beautiful?
I want to say YES, because the world would have us say NO. Society teaches us that we women need to wear the mask of emotional constraint (that generally looks like a constant smile on our face), keep the strait jacket of motherhood on without a bid for freedom now and then, and to be a loving and sexy woman, lover or partner in an always pleasant and upbeat way.
Let me feel into how we can be beautiful even when we are feeling a little worse for wear – generally by our own doing (or believing) of the above.
- Have personal SELF CARE as number one in your life. This is still an ongoing lesson for me because I am a heart-felt, mother Goddess who has concern and compassion for others. Not a bad thing, but it is when self-care is not up the agenda. What could self-care look like for me as I write? More time out with my girlfriends (yes restaurant booked for next week!), a good solid 5 days away regularly being pampered or doing very little (end of March feels the right time!), a charitable trip overseas (could be my 50th birthday treat) and some money spent on anything that will help my long-term insomnia problem. It’s time! And let’s throw in some good laughter-inducing activities that will re-ignite my pleasure burner – which will also help me ooze my beauty more!
- Know that the emotional spectrum is OK and important and that I don’t need to hide any emotions, because they come out in the wash anyway – especially in the form of resentment, bitterness, jealousy and other such lovelies – if unexpressed earlier in a more moderate form. As woman, we have been given our menstrual cycle as a perfect model for the ups and downs, life’s curveballs and need to honour each phase of the cycle – an active, looking after others, happier and “lighter” phase, and a more inward, reflective, desperately needing care for self and one’s emotional landscape phase – typically pre-menstrually. If you are no longer menstruating, you will still have cycles of sorts, especially if you are aligned with the moon. I am so learning that my beauty lies in me being fully woman – not just an emotionally strait-jacketed woman. Jealousy tells me clearly what I want. Resentment also tells me what is important. Bliss definitely reminds me to have more of whatever is helping me feel that way. When I use these emotions wisely to direct me into a lifestyle that I will enjoy more fully, I will ooze more beauty.
- Attend to what you are wearing. An odd thing that has intuitively come to me as I type this, but it feels it has some truth to it. When I am feeling pretty, feminine, soft and colourful, I instantly feel better and indulge less in my hissy fit. If I am slothing around in my worst of track-suit pants while feeling fiery, “down” or self-pitying, I tend to indulge in that state longer, harder and deeper. So note to self: When I am having my next melt-down, put on my favourite perfume, dress in something pretty, put on my nicest of lingerie and attend to my skin and hair, not to mention paint my toenails.
So with a glass of wine in hand tonight, my feet up after a hard days’ work, a night out at a restaurant with my love and hopefully a good sleep, I choose to see my beauty in all of this no matter what.
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