body love & body image | Dynamic People Engager

Mar 30

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Are you emotionally curvy or a flat-liner?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

We are being told to embrace our womanly curves, but when it comes to emotions, we are expected to be constant – or I call it a “straight line” or perhaps a better word is “flat-lined”.

Our partners may get confronted by our curvy emotional ups and downs and our kids may not understand us when we swing from the chandalier of occasional mood outbursts. (usually pre-empted by dampening our emotions or personal needs, ignoring them or blocking their expression!) Our workplace reminds us to “keep everything together” and get on with the job at hand and society tells us to dampen our “curvy” menstrual cycle (yes it’s a cycle, not a straight line!) with contraceptives, medical treatments or other means to get rid of the “problem”.

Why would we deny us and our lives of our curves and cycles? How boring is life when we are flat-lined? What would joy look like if we hadn’t experienced the enormity of grief and change? What would happen to our relationships should we stay on “mediocre heat” rather than burn with a little passion and teeter in a little non-passion now and then? And I know for sure, that many women’s health complaints – particularly related to fertility, menopause, depression, unhappiness, exhaustion….and the list goes on – there is often an imbalance created by trying to be constantly driving, striving, achieving, in control and all with a constant smile on our face, even when we are quietly seething underneath, feeling less than productive, less than successful or with no juice in the tank.

Take nature, for example. We enjoy summer even more following a cold winter. We can’t go surfing if there is only an in-rush of the tide and not an out-going one. We have a day and a night for a reason. One to get us out there “making hay while the sun shines” and another to not be so out there, unless of course you’re doing a great night out dancing or celebrating!

Our menstrual cycle is in two phases too. And by crikey, why are we not listening to this gorgeous natural guidance? After our period, it’s time to get out there, meet people and get things done.(very oestrogen dominant – in my mind the more masculine of the two key hormones oestrogen and progesterone.) The second phase is after ovulation (your fertile time) and this phase offers you the time to go back into the “nest” a little, be a little less giving to others and more receptive ourselves and it’s the time to really take notice of those heightened, and some might say out of control emotions! They may feel out of control, but jeepers they are giving you such clarity about what is and isn’t going well in your life. What better life coach can you get? Take notice of what those emotions are saying for you to act upon, let go of, start, finish or heal…and they will come up less next time round to “bite you in the bum,” and life will feel a whole lot happier when you use those monthly wake-up calls to guide you into what to do/not do. And for many women, their PMT, menstrual, menopausal and women’s health issues also start to wane.

So 4 more observations I have had lately about emotional curves.

If we are someone with really high and low emotions and we are in partnership with someone who is flat-lined, we don’t often “meet” / connect. Food for thought.
High and low emotional states need not be scary, if you reframe them as a great guidance system.
Emotions get let out/expressed somehow even if you are a flat-liner. Non-expression of emotions is like shaking up a bottle of coke and not taking the lid off. One day it will spew over everyone, or otherwise stay under wraps by being dampened down by some mind-numbing, body-numbing and probably soul-numbing substance or activity.
People don’t spend enough time in the heightened and very natural emotions of joy, exhilaration, burning passion, ecstasy, desire, pride…

So here’s to embracing my curves! And you?

Mar 11

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How to beat exhaustion and walk to the beat of your own rhythms

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Having sat in traffic for 2 hours yesterday and also noticed my ϋber-full diary especially in the past couple of weeks with packing boxes for a house-move and kids sports practices and social commitments revving up, I went to bed last night exhausted and woke up feeling the same – unrested, tired and not really up to completing another day like yesterday.
Yes I have been known to play superwoman much of my life – tearing around at great speed filling up my diary, goal planner and “caring-for-others-responsibility-list”. Yes some of that has made me happy – let’s call that being fulfilled. But in all honesty, much of it has simply filled my life, not fulfilled it, nor has it left me feeling consistently energised – even though I usually look very “got-it-together”, energetic and extremely capable. The adrenaline has kicked in when I’ve needed it, but my adrenals have suffered, and running my “engine” with little oil, water and petrol and still trying to get somewhere in this body of mine has become my modus operandi – and not a good one I might add!
So what I get is this. We each have a personal drum that we beat our stick on, and it pays to listen to that beat and ask ourselves, “Is it one that feels good in my body, or not?
When out of sync with our natural rhythms – our natural personality type, (not an identity we’ve assumed along the way!) body type, personal menstrual cycle and even the cycle of the moon, as examples) we are prone to certain things. Here’s what springs to mind.
• Exhaustion and burnout
• That “stressed out feeling” and all the physical ills that come from that
• Menstrual problems and women’s health issues
• Ranting and raving at the kids, husband or the dog
• Insomnia – yes I am a good one at this!
• And loads of other ills that I know you will recognise!
But most importantly I am learning that when I am not walking to the beat of my own natural rhythms and instead living to the beat of my own “sergeant major” or to someone else’s beat, I feel unhappy, restless and unfulfilled, and sometimes even a little depressed.
So what am I personally doing at the moment to beat exhaustion, up my energy and create a good feeling in my soul?
• Saying “no” to things that are killing my spirit, even if that means I look less responsible, reliable or loyal even. I ask myself, “Is what I am doing simply filling up my diary, or fulfilling my soul?” If it is a step in the direction of me feeling more fulfilled, I do it. If not, it gets left by the wayside – even if others who have depended on me in the past feel let down and my identity as “super-woman” gets squashed.

• Lifestyle change Yes, one morning recently I spontaneously decided to leave urban life and head to the country. The moment I set foot up the driveway in the new place, I knew this would be a place for healing and “re-charging” my batteries and creating a simpler life that my soul has been craving for.
• Taking moments each day to do nothing. Amidst the packing boxes, I choose to stop now and then. Amidst the busy work schedule, I choose to sit when I get home before getting into the next task at hand. And I banish the belief, that I am only “something” when I am doing something!
• I honour my menstrual cycle. When I feel the pain in my belly, I remember to sit and nurture myself. When I feel the emotions arising in my pre-menstrual body, I gently allow those emotions to express themselves. When I feel energised in my new cycle, I use this to be creative and productive. And I bring my body back to an “at peace with myself” beat by sitting still, breathing deeply, letting out a sigh and letting in a smile.
What’s your step today to walk more to the beat of your own natural rhythms?

Feb 22

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How to stop wallowing in your weight / wait

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Having struggled many years ago – in fact a good 11 years of my teenage and early adult life, I struggled with intense body loathing and self hate, not to mention a real wallowing in depression.

And over the years I learned that self love, self care and body wonderment (rather than wallowing in my body woes – which I could have done through my subsequent years of infertility, miscarriages, health challenges and tiredness from playing superwoman for too long!) are the keys to consistently feeling good about me and my body, and therefore getting the “results’ I want. eg. vibrancy, energy, intimacy, feel good about me feeling, getting ahead in my business…

But yesterday, and in fact all of last week, I caught myself in that long-gone, yet familiar feeling of wallowing – feeling quite futile in my efforts, tired physically, going back to some very long-gone random eating and drinking habits, and that general depressive feeling that was so familiar to me for years, but which I have managed to curtail for many thereafter.

This wallowing made me feel 10kg heavier and very unattractive suddenly, and I know this is a familiar feeling for many women (perhaps you!), yet it is far from the truth. Here’s what I asked myself?

Am I heavy / heavier? No.
Am I unattractive? No.
Is my sudden random eating about needing food? No.
What’s going on then?

I came to the realization it was about a consistent life pattern of mine of feeling like I have to wait forever for something. As a teen, I had to wait to finally find a boyfriend while everyone else seemed to have one. I had to wait to have a family. I had to wait for many years to become anything in business. I had to wait for some of my good ideas to finally come to fruition. I had to wait to get known for the good service I do offer women. I had to wait a long time after my divorce to finally meet my new gorgeous man. And yes he was worth waiting for!

So what I get is this.

When I am waiting, I tend to wallow in my weight – or at least feel like it. Astounding that overnight you can suddenly feel 10kg heavier when they truth is you’re not. It’s about seeing the truth, not the lie of the feeling.

Weight issues are not really about food or eating or the numbers on the scale. They are about issues of the soul and sometimes the soul requires us to go through “waiting” periods for the perfect outcome to occur. We need patience and we need to connect with our spirit as to what that’s all about!

If I am waiting for something, (business to take off, the new house to be found, the money to come into the bank…), then I am missing out on something now that could be a hang of a lot of fun, and potentially a useful experience or person that you need in your life. That happened to me the other night when I turned down an invitation because of my wallowing in my weight/wait.

Compassion for myself and commitment to self love is key. Not judging this recent experience. Not beating myself up for a few days of randomness and wallowing. Being vigilant about self-care, nurturing and doing things I enjoy now.

Trust in the perfection of Divine Timing. My “wait” is my logic telling me I need something now, and “what’s the hurry about anyway?” Divine Timing also gives me what I need, not necessarily what I want.

So I sit happily in my wait today…even when my computer crashed on me this morning…knowing that all is well.

Feb 08

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The 5 top diseases of modern women and how to heal them

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, spirituality, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

I may be wrong in calling them diseases, especially in the sense of medical terminology, but here are what I consider the top diseases (as in not at ease!) of modern women.

1. Lack of self love

2. Poor body confidence and trust in their bodies

3. Forgetting their beautiful inner feminine gifts and instead, living what I call the “masculine way of being”

4. Soul malnourishment – in favour of filling up with an over-stressed, busy schedule

5. Spiritual disconnection

Again and again in my work with women dealing with eating, weight, fertility, miscarriage loss, relationship, intimacy and no-passion-in-life issues, these 5 diseases tend to underlie all of their woes.

Imagine instead of dieting, racing off for some more medication or “treatment”, starting yet another “soon to fail” exercise regime, finding yet another bloke on find someone or trying to resurrect a relationship by mentally working out what needs working on….there might just be another answer or way of being that will heal things from the core, not just band-aid the difficult situation.

Here are what have been my answers and what has helped a lot of women get through their health, body and life challenges and to refind their mojo. They also just happen to be the 5 foundations of my somebody beautiful way of living 12 week retreat programme and also what forms the basis of my one-on-one VIP coaching/healing programme. More to come on that at www.janellefletcher.com

1. Reigniting self love, self belief, self value and self care through your thoughts, words and actions.

2. Getting to the core of where you lost trust in your body and rediscovering your personal power to know what you and your body needs, and knowing that it is self-healing and self-revealing.

3. Learning to slow down, simplify, use your intuition and rediscover compassion, gentleness and a softly powerful way of relating to yourself, your body and all aspects of your life.

4. Soul Nourishment – this is about activities, people and pleasures that fill your soul, not just your diary! Learning to say yes to things that light you up, and no to things that kill your spirit.

5. Connecting within to your greatness – that could be with Spirit, God, your Higher self, someone in soul or what I call your “inner marvellousness”. It is with Spirit and in stillness that you will find your answers and experience the peace in yourself, in your body and in your life situation and things WILL begin to look brighter!

Nov 10

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Hot secrets for you to reignite your inner sexy even if you are single or feel like you are

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Has it been a while since you felt sexy, sassy and loving the lusciousness of an intimate relationship? Want your spark back, whether you are single or feel like you are in a bit of a drab relationship?

For many women, their fire has gone out and only the ashes remain following separation, divorce, death of their partner, a string of bad relationships, bad internet dating experiences or still finding themselves single. So how can we reignite our inner sexy, sensuality, and sassiness whether we have a loving partner or not and why should we even bother?

First let’s start with the why! We love it, we feel good, we feel hot, we love romance, we yearn for the closeness of good sex, we are sensual, touchy-feely people, the feel good hormones respond to some good loving, and we feel more alive. Great reasons! So now how about the how?

Sexiness is an outside job as well as an inside job. Don’t keep your best clothes, or your favourite perfume, for a special occasion. Why not wear your best dress to work or your favourite sexiest jeans to the dentist or your most colourful top and most gorgeous perfume to the school show? Ban black and wear more colour. Wear textures that feel and look good. Attend to your personal care and appearance. You don’t have to be donning over-the-top make-up or spend hours in front of the mirror, but why not attire and adorn yourself in things that make you feel gorgeously feminine? Stop hiding beneath your layers, and start emerging out of your cocoon into a more colourful you and a more colourful life!

Use your body. When we feel unsexy, our body shows it in the way we hold ourselves, move and groove. The “mind-set” way of thinking would have us mantra-ing “I am beautiful, sexy and all the rest”, but I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me on its own. When I experiment with the way I move, groove, dance, make love and all that good stuff, I know that emBODYing sexiness is the key. I don’t mean learning the latest Beyonce moves. I do mean “feeling sexiness” in my body by deliberately choosing stances, postures and movements that have me feeling hot! This also gets us out of that “frozen stuckness” (some would call it frigidity) in our body, which can happen when we simply don’t feel attractive.

Light more candles. I don’t know about you but candles make me feel hot. In my single days, I lit them every night making the mood in my house feel lighter and brighter. Make a tasty candle-lit meal with aromatic spices and invite someone round. Picnic more on the floor. Sleep next to the fire. For most of us women, we enjoy warmth. Find great textures to snuggle up with. Feel the sun on your skin. Enjoy a spa, sauna, massage or pleasurable pamper. No it doesn’t need to cost the earth. Invite a friend to give you a hand-rub or back massage in the comfort of your own home. Share the love!

Throw away some sexual taboos. Much of our beliefs have come from other influences like our parents, the school we went to, the church, our peers and others we have mixed with. Perhaps it’s time now to decide for yourself what is kosha or not when it comes to sexual and sensual things. Start having some conversations on topics once thought of as hush-hush. Give yourself permission to explore the unknown. Uncover your real inner secret desires and go for it. Why tie up your desires that can’t wait to be unleashed?

Sexual and intimacy experiences of past relationships need not be the same this time round. It would be easy to assume that future experiences of relationship, sex and love will be based on what has occurred in the past. Dangerous thinking! Every new person in your life is different and offer you different opportunities for your growth and learning, and theirs! It does however pay to recognise what worked and what didn’t work in the past, and what part you played in that. No blaming here! It is also worth noticing the patterns you have created when it comes to love, passion and intimacy – in other words what pushes your buttons – hot ones and not so hot ones. It takes courage to respond differently this time round…so grab some courage, take a “leap of faith” and make a commitment to having great sexual and intimate experiences beyond what you have experienced before by responding differently.

SEX – is not just about love-making. It is about Self EXpression. Don’t try and mould yourself into something you are not. Find your inner sexy – what turns you on creatively, what turns you on socially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, politically, financially….and everything else –ly! When you Self Express yourself –showing your real juicy self, your world changes and suddenly you will find yourself with the person of your dreams, or rev up your current relationship, or ditch the old outworn one or find yourself quite contentedly doing life single-ly.

Oct 13

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Run from grief or love it?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

When we are sitting in the “well of loss” – otherwise known as grief – we feel it, not just in our bodies, but in our souls. For some, it feels like an intense darkness and heaviness. For others it feels like paralysis. For some, it may feel like a gnawing or intense pain and often an intense loneliness and a feeling that we have become untouchable or unapproachable. Our pain may distance others who notice or even feel our pain, but who don’t know how to engage with us or who don’t want to be drawn into the “entanglement” or even unfamiliarity of such grief. Grief can be incredibly isolating. It may be we need our “own space” to heal and find life’s meaning again, or maybe we feel we have become someone “different” who even we may not recognise. We feel like we are strange or strangers to ourselves. At a soul level, we feel like we have died, or at least that we may never recover from such intensity of feelings and experience. We may be angry with questions – “Why me? Why this? Why now? What next?” and most of all “Who am I now?”
Grief could be from the loss of child or loved ones, infertility, miscarriage, abortion, loss associated with aging and ill-health, the loss of work, change in significant relationships or empty nest, changes in the family situation, disability, the loss of hope and in fact, anything that involves change – whether completely “out of the blue” or even planned or desired.
Grief creates change within our body, its systems and its ability to function and heal. It can “depress” our system – not just in the form of “depression”, but in the form of making our “system” sluggish. Take for example, our digestive system, when we don’t want to “digest” what has occurred in our life, or changes to our reproductive or hormonal system that can occur when we grieve. Our suppressed emotions can sit within our bodies as pain, discomfort and “stagnancy”. Grief can cause havoc on our mental clarity and can also be “shed” and even expelled through our body’s elimination system, perhaps in the form of irritations, outbreaks, diarrhoea or change in menstrual flow.
It makes sense therefore that we might want to run from grief, rather than love it! Society tells us we should dampen it with medication or numbing substances, we should “get over it” and we should suppress it rather than express it. Does this suppression however not create more un-wellness – physically, emotionally, mentally, creatively, socially, sexually and spiritually? How would it be if we:

saw grief as the healing agent rather than a “sickness”? If we expressed it, raged at it, got mad with it, sat in the agony of it, embraced it and even loved it, our body would be “naturally” releasing its feeling of loss, and perhaps even heal what preceded some of our pre-grief un-wellness, ill-health and stress-related stuff.
thanked grief for its opportunity to slow us down at times and give us the rest we need, and to propel us forward more quickly at other times?
used such an emotional roller-coaster to fuel our creativity and ignite our real life purpose?
saw grief as a chance to be more in touch with the heights and depths of our senses, sensuality and even sexuality?
recognised that it might be our soul’s purpose and intention that we go through what we are going through to be the “best we can be,” and to see our life as more “full and complete” having experienced such extremes of joy and despair. Maybe we may even throw more caution to the wind and live life with more excitement and adventure!

So here’s to loving our grief and not running from it!

Perhaps grief is our biggest opportunity when we embrace its expression, desire and intention.

Sep 08

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Are you superwoman doing WE time, more than ME time?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Imagine if having “me time” were the “cure-all” for your health, women’s issues, sanity, family life, relationships and even your career. In fact, the more I think about this notion, the more excited I am about that “cure-all” possibility!

The problem is many women struggle with taking “me time” because they consider it selfish, the kids or family needs are “more important”, they would feel embarrassed or uncomfortable saying that they had some time off rather than basking in the admiration of others for being “really busy,” or they are simply ingrained in the habit of prioritising work or “other jobs” before “a life”. Here are a few “me time” thoughts, which for me too are a new concept having played, and sometimes still do, superwoman doing WE time, more than ME time.

Our physical energy is being stretched more and more. “Me time” will re-energise you!
Resentment and regret are two key emotions that women feel when playing “super-woman”. We are not fun to be around when we are in these emotional states! And if we hide these emotions (which we often do!) this starts to show up in other ways. eg. relationship tension, family disharmony, depression, lack of creativity…
Intimacy within a partnership requires two people to “turn up”. “Me time” allows you to be more fully present and desiring such warmth, affection and sex, rather than running for cover to “catch your breath” on life.
We aren’t doing our kids (and others) a favour when we “spoil them” or “drop everything” and attend to their situation now as if it were an emergency. When we took on being a mother, lover or girl-Friday, we didn’t sign an agreement that says we forsake all! Sometimes we just simply have to say “no” and put a zip on our mouths!
We complain that others are “taking us for granted” or asking too much of us, or that we constantly feel tired or have no time for ourselves. We, in fact, teach others how to treat us. When we continue to put others’ needs first, that becomes the norm. Change this norm to honouring YOUR time and YOUR needs, as much as you do theirs. You will be a much better parent, lover, worker…
Selfish is not the same as self-giving. Self-giving honours everyone.
Women’s health issues come from not honouring the natural curves and fluctuations of our menstrual cycle, which teaches us there are times to be out there doing, creating, socialising or being active in a cause, versus the second part of our cycle which asks us to rest more, recover, re-breathe, re-vitalise, re-store, re-generate and be more emotional! Both can be “me time”, but they must be in balance.
Many women go on a retreat once a year or do the “odd pamper day with the girlfriends” now and then. This is not “me time.” “Me time”, needs to be a way of living, much like we learn in our someBODY BEAUTIFUL way of living retreat.

So today I take a leaf out of my partner’s book – a man who is teaching me to honour me, my needs and my time more fully. On his t-shirt it says this. “I give 110% everyday. 10% to others. 100% to myself.”

Which of the above points did you most like or relate to? Leave your valuable comment below.

Aug 31

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The beauty of “break-outs” & “melt-downs” in your body

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Breaking out in rashes, pimples or other irritations, fire-ing up inside with menopausal symptoms, itching, diarrhoea-ing, redness, throbbing, vomiting…or perhaps having a melt-down with other explosive body symptoms? What is your body doing that screams “outbreak”, “I’ve had enough”, or “I don’t like this situation any longer”?

Most people are ingrained into the thinking that such physical “outbreaks” are bad and should be medicated, treated, covered up and generally not tolerated.

Yes these “symptoms”, as a doctor or health practitioner would describe them, can be fairly annoying. How about we see them as simply telling us a “story” and a reminder of what is no longer in balance in our lives and body, what situation is no longer satisfactory, or even what simply needs clearing – and therefore be grateful for that reminder and allow it to be.

* Outbreaks generally have an underlying emotion. What is that emotion when you sit quietly with what is occurring within your body? Anger? Annoyance? Betrayal? Discontentment? Lack of creativity? How can you positively use that emotion to change your situation?

* What is the story, or belief, you are telling yourself about the situation that springs to mind or the person who comes into your awareness? Perhaps that story is not the “truth” and you need to rewrite it.

* The beauty is that we can actually allow that situation, emotion, reaction to a person or “outbreak / melt-down” experience to be cleared through the natural functions of our body – breathing, perspiration, menstruation, elimination…and then be grateful for what toxic stuff our body is releasing and the new space it is creating for good things to come into our lives. Learn to also love menstruation, our cyclical nature and menopause because they naturally help us “burn off” what is no longer needed, and “grow” stuff we do desire.

* Begin to “soothe” your body with more soul-nourishing activities, people, occasions, body rituals, music, nature, movement, prayer, pampering… We often focus on what is “wrong” in our bodies, so begin the practice of noticing when that “outbreak” is calmed and what has created that quieter, happier and more contented space, and practice more of that!

And with today being the first day of spring in the Southern Hemisphere, may our bodies be “spring cleaned”, soothed and re-vitalised, and in the Northern Hemisphere, may there be a shedding of what is no longer needed or wanted.”

Aug 25

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Stop holding your breath for something “better” in your life

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

I’ll catch my breath, when I finally get that stuff sorted.” was what I heard the woman say. My response was how about she “breathe first, then the things will get sorted?” As woman, we are so busy charging around, madly busy, trying to sort out things in life, as if A + B = C. We try and work out a solution, a way, or something that will at least help us towards our desired state of happiness, health, relationship, family relations, work or whatever. We micro-manage, and in the meantime we literally forget to breathe and “smell the roses” and we miss our chance of life sign-posting us and making our life easier -sans le stress. (without the stress)

Holding our breath for something better down the track,

we miss or ignore the good things that are happening already. We let the already good things happening in our life pass us by. In fact we are blind to them. How about seeing your life, as it is today, as “good” (or perhaps even great) already?
keeps us “doing stuff on our own” as if we alone can change the world and “control” our situation. The reality is when we still ourselves and breathe and follow the lead of signs and synchronicities, our “stuff” is managed effectively for us! We are also not alone, when we let the stillness of our soul lead us. We are accompanied in life!
we set ourselves up for un-wellness. When we do not breathe well, we get headaches, lethargy, panic, stress symptoms and loads of other maladies. Breathing well from a still, quiet space could, I believe, create healing miracles in your health – not just because of the physical benefits, but because of the soul/spiritual benefits.
we deny our intuition to “flow”. Another word for “to breathe” is to inspire – literally and figuratively. Our intuition is literally inspiration for how to live life very easily, almost without effort. If we followed this, versus the bending and manouvering of our mind, we would already be in a far “better” situation in our life without the need to worry.
stops us from realising how amazing we are already and I like the words of Sylvia Plath from the Bell Jar – “I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”

Living a full-breathed, intuitive, inspired life can make your life “great” now. Start consciously breathing again. Take time each day to be still. Let peace be in your life, from the inspiration of breath. www.janellefletcher.com

Aug 21

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Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the fairest of us all?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Many women have a distorted image of who they think they are, how their bodies are and what their life’s challenges look like. Perhaps, as a woman, YOU are looking in mirrors such as these.

The magnified mirror is where you see every blemish, scar, pimple, bulge…as something far huger than the reality. You see life’s problems as insurmountable. You view the size of your body in unreal proportions. Your language is something like this. “I am too ugly, too fat, too unhealthy, too old or too whatever…”

The minimised mirror is where you feel invisible, unnoticed, and not enough. It’s the epitomy of the Tall poppy sydrome where women dare not “upsell” themselves. Words like “I am just…..” come out of your mouth with ease. eg. I am just a mother. I am just the wife of…..” Alongside of that comes the “not” word followed by “enough”. “I am not talented enough. I don’t have enough money. My boobs are not big enough”, and on it goes. You give your power away to others because you don’t feel empowered or confident enough to take on the responsibility.

Then there is the comparison mirror – or what I call the somebody else’s mirror. This is where you compare yourself – your talents, skills, body, life….with others. It’s where you “maximise” others and “minimise” yourself. You compare yourself, your body and your life to what the media tells you is “ideal”.

And how about the broken mirror where your life reflects the distorted story or mirror that says you are “broken” from trauma, grief, loss, shame and other events such as abuse of any kind, molestation, down-putting… It is easy to stay victim whilst looking in this mirror. It is easy to feel unable to to change the situation. It is easy to feel depressed, paralysed (or at least stuck) in your situation. It is easy to fear what it would take to be a confident, passionate and beautiful women, because that would require different things of you.

So yes, it’s time ladies that we stop looking at distorted images of ourselves, and start looking at ones that truly reflect back our truest nature – that we are gorgeous, talented and in fact brilliant as the beautiful Marianne Williamson and Nelson Mandela have quoted. “Who am I to be brilliant? Who am I not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world…”

So here are just a few ways to see a truer reflection of who you truly are.

Start approving of yourself, rather than trying to prove yourself constantly. Just be you, with who you are today.
Have a point of difference (POD) by honouring your unique life lessons, inner gifts, values, skills, beauty…rather than trying to be a clone (pea in a POD) of someone else or someone’s version of who they think you should be.
Use only self-honouring words.
Get to the core of the “story” you have created about yourself. Unravel the “what happened” and “what did I make that mean about me, my body and my life?” Stick to the facts, and not necessarily the story you created. Rewrite that story if it is not self-loving.
Practice body gratitude by finding things to be grateful to your body for, including the way it has healed, recuperated, detoxed, grown, recovered and re-energised…itself.
Look at your internal treasures, not your external measures. eg. numbers on the scale, in your pay packet or numbers of “world experiences” you have had. Mirrors only see the outside. Focus on the treasures within and who you are as a “whole person”. Your rriends and family will be talking about who you are at your funeral, not the size of your waistline, pay packet or numbers of whatever you think might make you more desirable, liked or successful.
See a source perspective of how marvellous, beautiful and successful you really are. This is Spirit, God, the universe, your inner marvellousness or perhaps someone in soul / spirit (passed on) who thought you were the “bees knees” and who has faith that you can surmount any “obstacle” in life and have a richer, more fulfilling life than what you are presently experiencing.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of us all?”

We all are, but you will only get this by looking at the correct reflection of who you are. The unexpected joy of this is when your life starts reflecting that new image of you, more positive things begin to appear in your life.