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health & well-being

Getting tattoed – a powerful healing moment

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions | No Comments

Today was a day I took flight in a new direction.  Age 54 and with half my life of parenting under my belt and my last child about to fly the nest, I chose a tattoo as my marker of my menopausal moments which are part of my current rite of passage of flying my own nest of what was, to what is becoming.

My tattoo symbol is the feather.  A spirit messenger totem – and one that asks me to continue my close intuitive, conversational and enquiring nature with my inner spirit and to open my senses to promptings.  It represents a bird flying the nest – reminding me that I have watched 5 of my 6 children fly the coop while the next one is slowly finding his wings in preparation for flight somewhere in the next few months.  It is also the sign of my Dad in spirit as he reveals himself through the sound of his / a bird’s whistle.

The feather too lead me 7 years ago to my soulmate Pierre with whom I got engaged this week.  After a chance meeting with a Native American man, who presented me one day with a feather, and then a Maori man who did the same, this seemed too much of a coincidence to ignore, with both men being strong, salt of the earth types with strong cultural roots and leadership and warrior-like qualities. This series of feather totems was followed by the third man, my lovely French man, arriving on our blinddate with a “feather /fern” tattoo on his arm and his “warrior” type energy.  His cat too, named “Plume,” (French for feather) sealed the deal!  Soulmates coming together in that moment was meant to be.

So fresh to being tattooed, having never ventured there before, and just having celebrated my birthday engagement and entering a “new beginnings year” numerologically, it felt right to be marking my life’s milestones today in symbols at this pivot point in my life.

Whilst noticing the physical discomfort of being “inked”, I chose to drift into reminescing and connecting in Spirit to important people in my life who had passed.  I wandered through my maternal grandparents’ place and recollected memories, smells, rooms, and reminders of them both.  I headed into my paternal grandparents’ place and reminded myself of the “haven” it had been for many guests.  I revisited the house where my husband (now ex) and I brought up the 3 oldest of our kids and the memories of all things family.   I cried in this moment.  My Spirit recognised many aspects of the people, places, pain-points and life’s pleasurable moments which had placed high on my life’s impact list, and the ultimate healing message today was this:

“You have given all Janelle.” 

Who thought having a tattoo could be a healing moment?  Today, it felt some “lightness” came over me after many years of pain, struggle and transitions as well as so much joy, and this message soothed my soul, like a mother’s light touch or that of a feather.

www.janellefletcher.com

Riding the Wave of Covid-Pandemonia and tips from the “trough”

By | health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, spirituality, women's life changes and transitions | No Comments

Covid-19 has tossed us into a wave, whether we like it or not. 

For some people , that wave feels like it is going to swallow them up, or even drown them.  For perhaps a small minority of others, they are riding it.

Prompted by a fellow-writer this morning to consider “Riding the Wave during the Covid-Crisis”, I asked myself,

  • How can people be at peace in what feels like a deep trough of hardship, pain and uncertainty?
  • Could being thrown into this abyss of reduced freedom, job losses and financial uncertainty be a super-valuable wave to be swimming in?

It takes me back to 2008 enjoying moments in a local, farm-style cafe in Kumeu sipping my delicious hot chocolate and hanging with my wisest of friends  The Global recession was in its early days, my marriage had ended just a few months before, and the spec house we were building was on the market, and we were eagerly awaiting a sizeable profit to set us on our new paths with a sense of success under our belts and some security for the future.

That day in the cafe, I got flung into a tumultuous wave I was not expecting.   The real estate agent excitedly called me to tell me the house had sold.  It was deemed a “crest” in her eyes. A sale!

For me it was the lowest of troughs.  My hot chocolate suddenly became cold as I sobbed oceans of tears into my cup. I was overcome by the roar of a tidal wave with the realization that I would commence my solo-mum life with more than the average number of mouths to feed, $1000 in my pocket, my humble car and an uncertain job and life future ahead.  I felt I had no life-jacket to keep me (and my family) afloat as I started my swim in the turbulent sea of loss and grief.

Fast forward 12 years,  a new “tidal wave” and what I call “Pandemonia” has ripped through our world.  Hype, fear, panic, uncertainty and losses have starting bobbing up in the collective sea of emotions.

But I sit in a different cafe today (a.k.a my lock-down living room) with a sense of peace, assurance and serenity.  Why?  Because of my figurative “surf-lessons” of the past 12 years.  Here’s some “surf-tips” that helped me bob up from the waves and keep “surfing”, no matter what my circumstances look like.

  • Success has nothing to do with whether you’ve got the fanciest wetsuit on or a world-title. Success has nothing to do with your job title or role, nor the possessions you own. Take on some form of “work” (no matter how humble) and notice the small things that light you up, and gift the skills and your personality that will make a difference.  Detach yourself from the idea of “superiority” or “ownership”, and you will find freedom, even during this time of feeling you are “losing” something.
  • Waves aren’t waves without an up and down.  A crest will become a trough.  A trough will become a crest.  Some waves are huge.  Others are small. And the tide will one day bring you to the shore.  Know that you’re a capable swimmer.  You have what you need inside. This wave offers you the chance to pull out your massive reserves (and life-raft) of resourcefulness and creativity.  It also allows you a re-evaluation of actually what’s important.  Now that’s success in itself, so start seeing the positives, and jump on that board with those new found skills and values.
  • A surf is more enjoyable (and safer) with a companion to share the wave.  Feeling utterly alone in my trough starting in 2008, I would not be here today without my unwavering companion of “spirit” with whom I constantly call on as my “surf-partner.”  Other “family in spirit” , with whom I have constant conversations. also help me ride the daily waves.   We may feel alone, but we never are.  Connect with someone today.  Ask them for some “surf lessons” and listen. It’s not spooky or scary.  It’s surprisingly comforting.

On that note, surf’s up, and I’m heading out.

Janelle Fletcher   Well-being Coach   www.janellefletcher.com    janelle@janellefletcher.com   +64 21 756 280

 

 

 

Shut up or Speak up?

By | health & well-being, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

gluestickOften seen, or at least heard by my nearest and dearest, as overbearing, opinionated and a tete-de-bois (aka stubborn), I have also been accused of being too loud, too forceful, too…….much. Not to mention that “you always think you’re right!”

That accusation was thrown at me again today…so I am bleeding a little, but have put on a tourniquet to nurse my wound as I reflect on whether I am indeed an insensitive bully, feisty femme or hard-hearted, as the accusation may suggest.  Or am I simply a woman who’s learning in this lifetime is to finally find her voice?

Should I take heed and soften the blow, remain silent or turn into a withering wallflower with no “character” or “spunky soul”?  Should I risk the backlash of someone’s ill-opinion of me, or non-value of my ideas or opinions if I were to put tonality into my thoughts?  And is it easier to say nothing and inwardly “reel”, or suffer the consequences of “stirring the pot” which for me typically turns into isolation.  Me on one side of the tennis court and a whole heap of others on the other.  This game does not sit comfortable within my spirit, but is very familiar territory.

I am loving peri-menopause for the opportunity to play with fire – emotions once buried, words left unsaid and patterns that have left me speechless, helpless and often the victim.  I love that my fertile years have shown me how to attend to society’s needs. In essence, that has meant others always before myself and a silencing of my inner and outer voice.  I love now that menopause is offering me an opportunity to attend to my own soul needs.  It is indeed time for me to meet me.  It is now time for me to cry out and request a life on my terms.  It is now time to be a change-maker, by no longer “keeping the peace’, but daring to dive into a different way of relating.

So what have I noticed in my demeanour in the process of discovering my voice?  My tone is stronger and not everyone likes that. My voice is deeper so it sounds more forceful – increasing the apparent blow.  My opinion is more fervent and is often violently opposed. My ability to stay standing, when normally I would wilt in conflict, is become stronger so I have become a boxer, rather than a ring-side spectator.  My courage is allowing me to take small steps within my inner circle to risk all – which may mean I lose them.  That’s difficult, painful and frightening, but something I am prepared to do.

So bring on the chapstick, not the gluestick.  And a little salve now and then to nurse the wounds.

 

If you would like support in your current life transition and put you first on the priority list (aka self care, self value, self love), contact me.  And if you would love a woman’s journal that will challenge you on “hearing and voicing your own needs, wants and desires, check out my book Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight:  The Ebb and Flow of Being Fully Woman.  www.janellefletcher.com