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manifesting & abundance

Apr 14
0

People – Pleasing position or self respect position? It’s your choice!

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

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People pleasing usually has the connotation of someone running ragged around others – filling up the other person’s “needs and wants tank” over and above their own. It has the idea that you are adding something to your to-do list that benefits others and leaves you with less time and energy for yourself.  It no doubt, gives the impression of an exhausted person, with little or no fuel or substance in their own tank.

But people-pleasing is not always about what we DO do for others.

What I have noticed is what I DON’T do sometimes that also keeps me in the people–pleaser position.  I sometimes refrain from saying something I really want to say for fear of disapproval or backlash.  I sometimes don’t request someone to do something for fear of being told what a nag I am and how unfair I am.  I often find myself saying “no” to an activity or event I would enjoy, whilst saying “yes” to someone else’s wish-list event. I may not bring up certain subjects because they might cause debate, rather than keep the peace.  I may not do certain things that could make me look a certain way in someone else’s eyes.

When we DON’T do such things, what happens to us?  We lose ourselves.  We become someone we are not,  We become a puppet – manipulated not by just another person, but more often from ourselves. We lose our “voice” and self respect.  We become peace-keepers, rather than offering others (and ourselves) a different perspective or new learning.  We may become resentful, insular and predictable (perhaps even boring!)  We may not allow ourselves and others to experience what we need to experience at a soul level. At a physical body level, we may fester, grow and find interesting ways to manifest and release what has been dampened, pushed down, refrained from, hidden and denied – in the form of ill-health.

So how do we authentically be who we are without doing all the people-pleasing routines?  Here are just a few questions that I personally find useful.

When you say Yes or when you say NO, run it through this filter.  “Am I saying or doing this to please others, or because I genuinely wish to say/do it?” Align your actions or answers with what is your REAL self, REAL desire and REAL THOUGHTS or VALUES. Learn to say NO.  Learn to say YES.  Know the difference and create some changes accordingly.

Do I care more about other people’s opinions of who I am, or more about my own self respect, self awareness and self love?  Self respect is a win-win for everyone.  People-pleasing is a win-lose and possibly even a lose-lose.

What can I (and the others) gain from me valuing myself, my time, my opinions and my input when I am being genuinely me?

And just a few things that I am personally learning.

  • Conflict is not always bad.
  • We educate others how to treat us.  Sometimes we are responsible for others using and abusing us.
  • “Me time” and “putting me first” is not selfish.  It is self–giving that has an outward beneficial flow on effect.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mar 31
0

Still thinking you are not enough?

By | manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, Written Articles | One Comment

I love what Marianne has to say in this video with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday.

Firstly her point about many people “wanting to be stars” (2mins 20 point of video) and waiting for the spotlight to be on them, whilst in fact, they are already stars illuminating and sparkling their own light….Great mothers trying to be super-heroes in many “departments” of their lives, whilst feeling inadequate for “just being a mum”. People trying to make it out there in the speaking circuit, internet-based business, network marketing scheme or online vid stuff to allow them to feel like they have “made it”. People feeling like they are “nothing” if they are in a humble and perhaps low-paid role, yet they are quietly living their purpose and passion and making a real difference to others.

As someone who is not driven by money or numbers of people, clients, customers ….etc, and not driven by the business world “success identity”….I have always felt more called to “serve”. Instead of asking, “What is my job?” to which the answer has sometimes been difficult and even sometimes “nothing”, I have often asked myself and suggested others ask the same, “How do I serve the world?’

I focus on the qualities I bring to others and the small and sometimes seemingly insignificant things that make a real difference to people. I listen for the intuitive calling to something or someone, rather than being dictated by business-like-strategies of making the call or contact to secure or expand business. I focus less on doing more. I focus more on doing great small things. I focus on giving of myself and serving others, not doing a “job”,nor needing to be seen as a “star”. In essence I prefer to sprinkle my fairy dust in more miraculous ways. On that note, I also love her following comparison.

“Magic – is using your mind to tell the universe what you want. Miracles – is asking the Universe what it wants and how you best serve it.” (Marianne)

In my quiet moment tonight, I will re-ask that question and listen in the stillness for the answer and follow the signs that come my way. What an easy and miraculous way of living life. I will also hear the tinkering of my soul reminding me that “I am enough” as I am. So are you.

Mar 24
0

Dealing with the s***

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

This week I have encountered many people have been dealing with a lot of s***.  My acronym for s*** is this:

  • S…eriously
  • H…ard
  • I…nviting me to hide under the duvet
  • T…roubles

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Some have been dealing with troubles in the financial arena. Some have been standing under the relationship umbrella – none, bad or wishful thinking scenario. Others have been tired mothers or busy women juggling a zillion tasks and the things that go along with parenting or caring for elderly parents.  Another was struggling with how to be herself in relationship when she feels like she is often being knocked down.  Another was dealing with the prospect of taking someone to court for sexual violation and what that would entail for her.  Some were complaining about physical complaints and their body’s changes in perimenopause.

Two common threads I see in all of this is CHANGE and IDENTITY.

CHANGE in that the situation is calling for us to adapt, modify, re-evaluate, try something new, resource ourselves, reprioritise and renew something.

IDENTITY in that we are being called to really challenge ourselves on the strength of who we are, the abilities and skills we each have, our determination and commitment to be valued and an opportunity to put our needs, wants and desires at the forefront.

So I am thinking on the spot here and perhaps can change the S*** acronym to something empowering.  Here goes!

S…ource yourself with an ally – friend, coach, Spirit, God, angel, mentor, accountability partner, church, support group or someone who can really help you.  Stop trying to do it “all on your own”. Another “S’ is STOP.  In the busyness and bedlam, we will not get our answers. In our stillness and silence, we will.

H…ave the commitment to align yourself with ways and approaches that fit who YOU really are. If the medical route doesn’t feel right, try something alternative.  If loaning money from your parents doesn’t feel right, find another means by getting inventive.  If you normally wouldn’t ask for something out of fear, embarrassment or you “simply don’t know something”, empower yourself by asking for what you need to move ahead strongly. If you want to make change in the world for you and others, stand up and have your voice.  If speed-dating or internet dating isn’t your thing, mix and mingle in groups that share a common interest with you.

I…nvite change into your life as a friend, not an enemy.  There is nothing more inevitable than change in our lives, yet more often than not, we tend to see the dark side, rather than the light.  Questions to ask ourselves, rather than fretting, worrying or wishing a magic wand could be waved over us could be these. “What gains and “positives” is this change bringing into my life?”  “How can I nurture and nourish myself as I go through this experience in my life?”

T…rust.  This has to be the biggest “biggie” for me that I have learned through some very difficult times. Trusting in the perfection of the “highs” and “lows”, trusting the perfection of Mr Right and Mr Not so Right.  Trusting that the health problem is asking you to re-address how you deal with your emotions, care for your body or nourish your soul.  Trusting that sometimes the financial pit is the starting point for getting inventive and creating your own change for the better.

So side-step the s*** and clean-up your act a little.  On that note, the sun is shining so I’m heading outside to nourish my soul!

Mar 03
0

How to feel at peace, when you are not feeling peaceful

By | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

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Interesting kind of day today with not a lot of things going “right” and me noticeably feeling a little frustrated, annoyed and edgy. A client didn’t arrive.  I couldn’t gain access to my blog..  I managed to pick up bruised fruit and had to return it to the shop.  My son needed help with his homework while I was trying to get my own work down.  I was missing my partner and wanted him to be home early. And I have a whole load of other little examples, which left me feeling rather jaded.

So how do I stay feeling “peaceful” amidst these somewhat annoying “little” (yet feeling big) annoyances?  And of course, these go across the board to handling those much “larger” things. that crop up in life that leave us feeling anxious, restless and/or jaded.

Practice peace – consciously “breathe peace” (slow, steady, even in-breath and out-breath), “move peace” (slowly, graceful, elegant, smooth) and “posture peace”. (stand or lie in a more relaxed manner). Reduce any breathing patterns, movement or postural stances that feel stiff, starchy, stilted or stressed.

“Everything’s gonna be alright.” We need to learn to chill and ask ourselves, “Does it really matter?’  and we need to get beyond our judgement of what is good or bad, success or failure.  Another great question to ask when making a decision that is difficult, ask yourself, “Does this possible solution feel light or heavy?”  Go for things that make you feel light.

Always know that life isn’t a straight line, but rather is filled with ups and downs. Our so-called difficult moments and experiences are often the ones that change our lives for the better. Nothing lasts for ever – a sobering thought when you feel like it is heading downhill at a fast rate of knots.

Count your blessings.  Focus on what it going well and how you are blessed. When we look at our lives and situations, not as a test to be managed, but as an opportunity for spiritual growth, then we can sit more “peacefully”.  I also find enormous strength and peace by connecting to my Higher Source of peace – knowing that I am constantly supported, guided and resourced when I connect in this way.

Every emotion is a useful indicator. Anger often spurs us into action.  Annoyance often gets us clear on what we want or need. Stress is simply saying something is not in balance. Outbursts easily tell us what is not working or desired. Joy is often something that springs from living our passion. Emotions are great clues – guiding us into a more peace-full life.

Feb 24
0

Sometimes we have to cut our own leash to have the life we dream of!

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

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One thing I am passionate about and gutsy at (or so I’ve been told!) is expanding my own horizons and taking leaps of faith into the unknown.  Therefore I can’t help but help people unlock their own cage door and fly, or using this analogy, cut their own leash to live more freely, vibrantly and enjoying their life more.  By cage I mean things like a cage of un-confidence, body dissatisfaction, poor health and no energy, mundane job, creative hibernation, not really using your talents to their fullest or giving up on your real dreams, as examples. Not only that, but I love to help people see completely new possibilities out there they have not even imagined for themselves – healthier health, revved up relationships, juicier jobs, babies they desire, creative endeavours, adventure opportunities, fun family moments and new travel tales.

Sometimes however, like having a leash attached, we go around feeling dragged down, tolerating our “miserable” or “undesirable” situation and unable to enjoy the freedom to enjoy life the way we want to, or how we imagined it would be.

Key thing is, our leash doesn’t come from outside of ourselves which we would like to think it does (or blame!).  eg, working for a boss, job commitment required, better to have a partner than none at all type thinking, limiting beliefs, not enough money, family responsibilities, not enough experience……Yes all indeed factors, and yes possibly limiting, but not “unbreakable”.

5 key things today in my own learning about living a great “unleashed” life is this.

1.It takes balls to cut the leash yourself, but when you choose that, it’s empowering! Suddenly you feel like you are the “master of your destiny” rather than being lead to places you don’t want to go.

2. Much like a dog, follow your curiosity. (ie your heart) for it will show you the way.  Too often our mind gets in the way of unleashing our possibilities. Listen to the “bark” inside you which is trying to voice how it wants you to live your life.

3. You might cut the leash yourself, but you don’t have to go it alone. Dogs love to play with other dogs! There are so many resources out there to help you.  As someone famous said (so famous I can’t quite remember their name!), “It’s not a lack of resources out there, it’s a lack of resourcefulness.” Get resourceful, ask for the help you need and find fellow “dogs” who are also desiring a new playing field, and go have some fun sniffing around a few trees and playing ball together!!!

4. Don’t let fear be your master.  It doesn’t have to control you, and is based largely on your stories of the past or your worry for the future you haven’t even had yet.  What a waste of energy!!! A dog doesn’t worry about yesterday and it’s not concerned about tomorrow.  It just loves to be a dog, doing what dogs do best – playing, exploring and having fun!

5. Dogs hardly ever sit still.  Take some action today that will be the beginning steps of you “unleashing something different in you and your life.”

As someone who loves to bark (ie talk, encourage, share, motivate, inspire, sing, challenge……) I would also love to hear you bark and tell us about one little action you are taking, or have taken, that has liberated you in some area of your life. It could be just the enCOURAGEment that someone else needs to make a new courageous decision, or take new courageous action, that could radically change their lives.

Feb 15
0

Hiding out in your creative cave?

By | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Today I coined a new phrase “Creative hibernation” – you know that experience of hiding in your creative cave – having abandoned your creative pursuits, found yourself too busy to enjoy them, let your “everyday life” chores be up the priority list, or perhaps your inspiration has dried up and you haven’t had “refreshments” to spark you into action. Or perhaps you belittle what huge creative juices you actually have, thinking your cocktail glass is more than half empty.

Here’s my confession.  I have finally admitted to myself today that I haven’t been sharing my creative motivational mojo enough, nor in the arenas I know I can make a difference in, and putting up with “putting it off for another day until I get it perfect” type reasons. I claim now I am a fabulous connector, motivator and inspiration-generating gal. I love to write.  I have loads to speak about. I am creative in my programmes and events I create.  Time to get out there, me thinks!!!

In terms of my body (and energy medicine), my creative space is my womb…(not my head/brain!) .so now I am going to sit in stillness, connect with my creative juices and go to my creative room/womb and see where that directs me.

Are you hibernating in your creative cave? Image

Want some help to climb out?  Contact me either through my website www.janellefletcher.com or my someBODY BEAUTIFUL facebook community at https://www.facebook.com/pages/someBODY-BEAUTIFUL/229533747170561?ref=br_tf

Jan 29
0

Life changes that open the door to us loving our body and life more

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Many of us don’t like the changes that occur in our body when life changes something.

ImageConsider the woman who loses a breast through mastectomy – not a body change she was counting on, yet for many this opens the doors to new avenues of people, social events, and health and nutrition choices they may not have been exposed to otherwise. The changes that occur in pregnancy – yes inevitable, but how comfortable is that for women when their body changes shape, form and weight to encompass a growing individual? Some women welcome that change, but would squirm at a 2kg weight gain due to holiday pleasure and indulgence. I think of one of my daughters who sustained a spinal injury at age 4 and is now 27, who has gone through many body changes and transitions as growing young women do, but with the added challenge of being in her chair and knowing full well what it is like to still go into the child’s section of a store to find trousers that fit her thin legs or little feet. Yet equally she “sports” a fabulous pair of biceps and triceps!  She is gorgeous. I have noticed, following viewing some recent holiday pics, that I am also “wearing” more wrinklesor what I like to call “wisdom lines”!  My joints are showing twinges of “aching and are also showing me that my body is changing. This is reigniting my desire for yoga and walking. How is it for women going through menopause to feel the fire of flushes and the ups and downs of those changes?  The end of child-bearing years however also can be a welcoming rite of passage into the wisdom of maturity and new opportunities that may open up because they may finally make time for themselves over and above family and/or spouse.  I was also inspired recently by the news of a woman I know who has a very high level spinal injury and who completed a 1000km trek in a hand-cycle culminating in reaching base camp of Mt. Everest.  The motivation for her to have “conquered” such a feat has sprung no doubt, only through her original accident and “body change” that has been given the opportunity to morph into an “extraordinary ability.” and this feat is something which she may not have aspired to if she had been living life in her body pre-accident.

When we begin to stop our judgement, angst, frustration, anger….or whatever … when life changes our perception and love for our body, and when we begin to see this simply as a transition allowing us to choose LOVE for ourselves and our body more fully……then we can actually be in a place of peace and calm. When we see change as an opening door of possibility, rather than a prison door closing us in, then we can also feel more comfortable in our skin as we transition.  Change doesn’t have to restrict us. Change, by the essence of the word itself, can mean growth, freedom and new opportunities.

Jan 20
0

Soul nourishing with the right exercise, not the wrong exercise

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | One Comment

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Recently in my women’s group, we looked at our wants, desires and urges for 2014. We termed it Soul Nourishment and looked at activities, rituals, people, events, things…..that help nourish us and make us feel REALLY good, at peace, nourished, filled up – or I like to call it “fulfilled up”.  (PS. When we fulfill ourselves us with such soul nourishment, we don[‘t have to fill up with things from the fridge!)

We reminded ourselves that  life changes, our situation changes and our body’s, heart’s and soul’s needs change so we need to align and resonate and activate those urges. Sitting quietly and connecting with our Divine perspective, we asked our heart, body and soul what it wanted….and asked for specifics.

For me one was exercise – not unusual at all for me, but what was interesting, was that my body was asking for more regular exercise that makes me sweat. Yes I walk and have done so for some time, but not generally to the degree of a good hard sweat.   I immediately thought perhaps I was being asked to run – which actually doesn’t “rock my boat”, so I was surprised this morning when I got out my yoga DVD’s after a year of absence in my life, that I burst out in a hot sweat – which actually felt more like a hot, blissful flush and calmed me.  this is what I will now focus on and enjoy. Exercise does not need to be vigorous.  What is more important it to find what resonates and brings you the feelings and experiences that fill your soul.

In the past too, my body has wanted calming exercise walking the beaches. This time my soul was asking me to venture out in my walking to other places away from where I was beginning to feel bored, disconnected and unmotivated. I am committed now to finding new tracks, new pathways and new avenues to place my feet.

I feel the urge to exercise more often now with others as my exercise in the past year had been quite an isolated affair, which had its purpose, but kept me away from the intimacy and relationship with others. I will now call a friend more regularly to enjoy with me my “sweat-inducing”, “different landscapes”, “connecting-with-people” form of moving my body!

What else was on my Soul nourishment menu?  Language – more French….basking in the charm, ambience and french-speaking arena. More wholesome cooking – learning about, and using more ingredients I am unfamiliar with and cooking with my man more often – having it not just as a cooking and eating experience, but as a “relationship” developer too.  The continued “feel-good” factor of my charity contribution…..and many other things.

What will be on your Soul Nourishment menu this year?  Be in touch through my someBODY BEAUTIFUL community on facebook if you want some help with that or through my website www.janellefletcher.com .

Jan 06
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Knowing how great we are opens the doors to a great 2014

By | body love & body image, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

We cannot imagine great possibilities and manifest an abundance of things in bucket loads opening up in our lives (rather than teaspoonfuls that we often ask for!)  till we really have the image of ourselves that is one of GREATNESS, MARVELLOUSNESS, BEAUTY, DESERVINGNESS and a DIVINE PERSPECTIVE of who we are.  I call this Source Perspective, rather than Self Perspective that is often judgemental, critical and an un-abundant being-ness..  “Source” for you might mean your own divininity. It may mean God.  It might mean the perspective of a soul who has loved you who has passed.  It could even be your angel(s). It could be the essence of your soul speaking it’s truth.  The way to access this Source perspective is to be silent and listen. Yesterday with an extraordinary group of women, we did just this.  We sat is stillness and in silence.  We focussed and connected with our Source – for many this was someone special to them who had passed,  We played the fabulous version of “You are so beautiful” by Joe Cocker and we sat and received messages, words and images from our loved ones that reminded us of the greatness of who we are, the potential within us and the possibilities that are open to us in 2014.,  We were inevitably moved to tears by the profoundness of this experience in the knowing that we are being looked after in 2014.  It helped us access our soul desires for this year, not just make mind-based resolutions to work at!  It reminded us we are not alone in the journey of this year to come. Our access point to having a great year ahead is in our silent space and connection to our Source.  We need not worry, but instead be open to being lead to the places, activities and people that will further our growth, and us to them.

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