relationships, intimacy & sex | Dynamic People Engager

Nov 10

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Hot secrets for you to reignite your inner sexy even if you are single or feel like you are

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Has it been a while since you felt sexy, sassy and loving the lusciousness of an intimate relationship? Want your spark back, whether you are single or feel like you are in a bit of a drab relationship?

For many women, their fire has gone out and only the ashes remain following separation, divorce, death of their partner, a string of bad relationships, bad internet dating experiences or still finding themselves single. So how can we reignite our inner sexy, sensuality, and sassiness whether we have a loving partner or not and why should we even bother?

First let’s start with the why! We love it, we feel good, we feel hot, we love romance, we yearn for the closeness of good sex, we are sensual, touchy-feely people, the feel good hormones respond to some good loving, and we feel more alive. Great reasons! So now how about the how?

Sexiness is an outside job as well as an inside job. Don’t keep your best clothes, or your favourite perfume, for a special occasion. Why not wear your best dress to work or your favourite sexiest jeans to the dentist or your most colourful top and most gorgeous perfume to the school show? Ban black and wear more colour. Wear textures that feel and look good. Attend to your personal care and appearance. You don’t have to be donning over-the-top make-up or spend hours in front of the mirror, but why not attire and adorn yourself in things that make you feel gorgeously feminine? Stop hiding beneath your layers, and start emerging out of your cocoon into a more colourful you and a more colourful life!

Use your body. When we feel unsexy, our body shows it in the way we hold ourselves, move and groove. The “mind-set” way of thinking would have us mantra-ing “I am beautiful, sexy and all the rest”, but I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me on its own. When I experiment with the way I move, groove, dance, make love and all that good stuff, I know that emBODYing sexiness is the key. I don’t mean learning the latest Beyonce moves. I do mean “feeling sexiness” in my body by deliberately choosing stances, postures and movements that have me feeling hot! This also gets us out of that “frozen stuckness” (some would call it frigidity) in our body, which can happen when we simply don’t feel attractive.

Light more candles. I don’t know about you but candles make me feel hot. In my single days, I lit them every night making the mood in my house feel lighter and brighter. Make a tasty candle-lit meal with aromatic spices and invite someone round. Picnic more on the floor. Sleep next to the fire. For most of us women, we enjoy warmth. Find great textures to snuggle up with. Feel the sun on your skin. Enjoy a spa, sauna, massage or pleasurable pamper. No it doesn’t need to cost the earth. Invite a friend to give you a hand-rub or back massage in the comfort of your own home. Share the love!

Throw away some sexual taboos. Much of our beliefs have come from other influences like our parents, the school we went to, the church, our peers and others we have mixed with. Perhaps it’s time now to decide for yourself what is kosha or not when it comes to sexual and sensual things. Start having some conversations on topics once thought of as hush-hush. Give yourself permission to explore the unknown. Uncover your real inner secret desires and go for it. Why tie up your desires that can’t wait to be unleashed?

Sexual and intimacy experiences of past relationships need not be the same this time round. It would be easy to assume that future experiences of relationship, sex and love will be based on what has occurred in the past. Dangerous thinking! Every new person in your life is different and offer you different opportunities for your growth and learning, and theirs! It does however pay to recognise what worked and what didn’t work in the past, and what part you played in that. No blaming here! It is also worth noticing the patterns you have created when it comes to love, passion and intimacy – in other words what pushes your buttons – hot ones and not so hot ones. It takes courage to respond differently this time round…so grab some courage, take a “leap of faith” and make a commitment to having great sexual and intimate experiences beyond what you have experienced before by responding differently.

SEX – is not just about love-making. It is about Self EXpression. Don’t try and mould yourself into something you are not. Find your inner sexy – what turns you on creatively, what turns you on socially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, politically, financially….and everything else –ly! When you Self Express yourself –showing your real juicy self, your world changes and suddenly you will find yourself with the person of your dreams, or rev up your current relationship, or ditch the old outworn one or find yourself quite contentedly doing life single-ly.

Oct 20

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Your “running away” or ending something may not be an act of cowardice

By admin | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Running away from something or someone is not necessarily an act of cowardice. It may in fact be your greatest act of courage.

“My relationship finished and I ended up travelling to the other side of the world. My friends told me I was “running away”.

“I felt like my soul was dying in my marriage, so instead of going to counselling, I told him I was leaving.”

“I worked for 10 years towards creating some kind of success in my self-employment. I’ve tried all sorts of things, nothing really worked that well and I’m about to call it quits.”

I have given up hope in the medical system. I’ve decided I’m not going through with more invasive treatment for my cancer, and I know there’s something else out there better for me.”

“I’ve spent all this money on my training, but do you know what? It just doesn’t feel like me and I’ve decided to go do a different course.”

Any of these sound familiar? Something has come to an end and people’s reactions, and perhaps your own logical point of view, say that you’re running away – as if you have done something wrong, you have no “stickability” or that you are a downright failure!

A woman shared with me recently that her relationship ended and she decided to go travelling to the opposite side of the world. As she landed in this country, she stepped out of the plane and onto the tarmac. Her immediate reaction was she felt like she had “come home”. She had experienced the condemnation of well-meaning people back home that she was running from her recent split and that she was somehow abandoning her post-loss-and-grief “responsibilities” back home. My reaction to her comment when she arrived here feeling so “at home”, was that was she had indeed run towards her soul’s calling of “home” and that she would find what she needed here, not there!

When after numbers of years of marriage I had this internal soul-ache and in fact, soul-death feeling about my marriage, I honoured that ache, and left my husband. His attempts to “mend” the relationship issues by suggesting we go to counselling felt empty to me, for my soul was asking for healing and honouring of its calling, no matter how illogical and unreasonable it felt to break apart a family with six children and no matter how logical it felt to get some “tangible” help. It was in the healing once I had honoured that decision when I received very clear images of why I had been put in that marriage and why I had left. My role had been completed – having taken on my husband’s three children following the death of his first wife, having been visited by her in spirit asking me to “take her girls on as my own”, having birthed another three children together and with the older girls having become independent women. I was put in that marriage to bring those three oldest girls into adulthood following the death of their mum, more than be “partner” to my husband. (Mother rather than lover, I called it!) My subsequent grief from my broken marriage was healed by knowing I had done my role and I had done it well and to completion. The next part of my soul and ‘going solo’ journey was to begin a new chapter for me and the remaining three children (and the chance of a new lover, more than mother relationship!)

For those of you who have been through training or worked towards a career or self-employment path and feel like it’s coming or has come to an end – whether by choice or not – leaving it is not necessarily “running away”. It may well be the final straw that is required for you to really find your passion, a new niche or find a better means of contributing to the world and to make your mark. No “apprenticeship” is ever wasted. Your inner desire to leave is probably your important direction post!

For those of you who have been struggling with unwellness and feel there are other means of “treating” your health, this is not “running away.” It may be your body’s inherent wisdom and the calling of your soul to “venture towards” other alternative avenues – ones that will open up very different possibilities and opportunities to you.

Running away is not always cowardice. In my experience, such an act can be the most courageous feat you have ever done and such an act of honouring your internal calling rather than blindly following what the external world thinks you should do.

For those of you who have come to an end of something – be that friendships, family relationships, commitments to clubs or organisations, or whatever, ask yourself “is this a cowardice running away?” or is this a courageous running towards something for your greater good and that of others? I choose to focus on the second, because it helps relieve the grief that naturally occurs with stopping, ending, dying, relinquishing, transitioning, changing or leaving behind something or someone…and it helps me gain from the benefits of honouring that inner calling, whisper or shout that says “Run!” “It’s OK and you’ll be OK!”

Oct 13

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Run from grief or love it?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

When we are sitting in the “well of loss” – otherwise known as grief – we feel it, not just in our bodies, but in our souls. For some, it feels like an intense darkness and heaviness. For others it feels like paralysis. For some, it may feel like a gnawing or intense pain and often an intense loneliness and a feeling that we have become untouchable or unapproachable. Our pain may distance others who notice or even feel our pain, but who don’t know how to engage with us or who don’t want to be drawn into the “entanglement” or even unfamiliarity of such grief. Grief can be incredibly isolating. It may be we need our “own space” to heal and find life’s meaning again, or maybe we feel we have become someone “different” who even we may not recognise. We feel like we are strange or strangers to ourselves. At a soul level, we feel like we have died, or at least that we may never recover from such intensity of feelings and experience. We may be angry with questions – “Why me? Why this? Why now? What next?” and most of all “Who am I now?”
Grief could be from the loss of child or loved ones, infertility, miscarriage, abortion, loss associated with aging and ill-health, the loss of work, change in significant relationships or empty nest, changes in the family situation, disability, the loss of hope and in fact, anything that involves change – whether completely “out of the blue” or even planned or desired.
Grief creates change within our body, its systems and its ability to function and heal. It can “depress” our system – not just in the form of “depression”, but in the form of making our “system” sluggish. Take for example, our digestive system, when we don’t want to “digest” what has occurred in our life, or changes to our reproductive or hormonal system that can occur when we grieve. Our suppressed emotions can sit within our bodies as pain, discomfort and “stagnancy”. Grief can cause havoc on our mental clarity and can also be “shed” and even expelled through our body’s elimination system, perhaps in the form of irritations, outbreaks, diarrhoea or change in menstrual flow.
It makes sense therefore that we might want to run from grief, rather than love it! Society tells us we should dampen it with medication or numbing substances, we should “get over it” and we should suppress it rather than express it. Does this suppression however not create more un-wellness – physically, emotionally, mentally, creatively, socially, sexually and spiritually? How would it be if we:

saw grief as the healing agent rather than a “sickness”? If we expressed it, raged at it, got mad with it, sat in the agony of it, embraced it and even loved it, our body would be “naturally” releasing its feeling of loss, and perhaps even heal what preceded some of our pre-grief un-wellness, ill-health and stress-related stuff.
thanked grief for its opportunity to slow us down at times and give us the rest we need, and to propel us forward more quickly at other times?
used such an emotional roller-coaster to fuel our creativity and ignite our real life purpose?
saw grief as a chance to be more in touch with the heights and depths of our senses, sensuality and even sexuality?
recognised that it might be our soul’s purpose and intention that we go through what we are going through to be the “best we can be,” and to see our life as more “full and complete” having experienced such extremes of joy and despair. Maybe we may even throw more caution to the wind and live life with more excitement and adventure!

So here’s to loving our grief and not running from it!

Perhaps grief is our biggest opportunity when we embrace its expression, desire and intention.

Sep 29

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Why dealing with conflict is easy for someBODY BEAUTIFUL

By admin | health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Many people find it difficult to be the one that “rocks the boat”, creates some waves or perhaps even causes a storm. Why? It is not because they don’t have an opinion or something they hold as important, valid or needed to be said. It is more often that they don’t want to appear unkind, uncaring or disapproved of. They value others’ approval, more than their own honest self expression. Picture this.

A mother wants to get her kids to clean up after themselves, but she ends up doing it for them and then feels resentful, if not outraged. She huffs around the house, rather than saying something.
An adult child returns to the nest, but doesn’t really pay his/her way. The parent feels taken for granted but feels scared to address the issue.
Something happens at work and everyone keeps tight-lipped or scared to speak up for fear of losing their job or being treated unfairly.
A woman does not like how she is being treated in her relationship, but she continues to tolerate such behaviour in fear that her response will cause a reaction.
Someone goes along with what the mainstream do, but quietly and intuitively they know better.

someBODY BEAUTIFUL in contrast,

comes from a place of self approval, rather than trusting someone else’s appraisal of them.
values honest self-expression because she is committed to fully being herself.
knows her own needs, desires and pleasures and has those on the top of her priority list so her “tank is full”. No-one can take things from her “fullness”.
knows she has something to on-offer others by sharing what is important to her. Her “making waves’ might create needed change inter-personally and also in the world around her.
speaks her truth because that is more important for her health and well-being than hiding or suppressing her ideas. She speaks intentionally, not reactively.
has compassion for others, but doesn’t molly-coddle, play martyr, victim or other disempowered roles, and she desires that others be the best they can be as well.
knows that other people’s behaviour and actions have nothing to do with her so she doesn’t take their reaction personally.
practices excellent self care.
practices so much self love that even if the harshest of stones are thrown at her, she will not die in the process.

Here’s to actively creating some waves, to create some inner peace and change our world.

Sep 08

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Are you superwoman doing WE time, more than ME time?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Imagine if having “me time” were the “cure-all” for your health, women’s issues, sanity, family life, relationships and even your career. In fact, the more I think about this notion, the more excited I am about that “cure-all” possibility!

The problem is many women struggle with taking “me time” because they consider it selfish, the kids or family needs are “more important”, they would feel embarrassed or uncomfortable saying that they had some time off rather than basking in the admiration of others for being “really busy,” or they are simply ingrained in the habit of prioritising work or “other jobs” before “a life”. Here are a few “me time” thoughts, which for me too are a new concept having played, and sometimes still do, superwoman doing WE time, more than ME time.

Our physical energy is being stretched more and more. “Me time” will re-energise you!
Resentment and regret are two key emotions that women feel when playing “super-woman”. We are not fun to be around when we are in these emotional states! And if we hide these emotions (which we often do!) this starts to show up in other ways. eg. relationship tension, family disharmony, depression, lack of creativity…
Intimacy within a partnership requires two people to “turn up”. “Me time” allows you to be more fully present and desiring such warmth, affection and sex, rather than running for cover to “catch your breath” on life.
We aren’t doing our kids (and others) a favour when we “spoil them” or “drop everything” and attend to their situation now as if it were an emergency. When we took on being a mother, lover or girl-Friday, we didn’t sign an agreement that says we forsake all! Sometimes we just simply have to say “no” and put a zip on our mouths!
We complain that others are “taking us for granted” or asking too much of us, or that we constantly feel tired or have no time for ourselves. We, in fact, teach others how to treat us. When we continue to put others’ needs first, that becomes the norm. Change this norm to honouring YOUR time and YOUR needs, as much as you do theirs. You will be a much better parent, lover, worker…
Selfish is not the same as self-giving. Self-giving honours everyone.
Women’s health issues come from not honouring the natural curves and fluctuations of our menstrual cycle, which teaches us there are times to be out there doing, creating, socialising or being active in a cause, versus the second part of our cycle which asks us to rest more, recover, re-breathe, re-vitalise, re-store, re-generate and be more emotional! Both can be “me time”, but they must be in balance.
Many women go on a retreat once a year or do the “odd pamper day with the girlfriends” now and then. This is not “me time.” “Me time”, needs to be a way of living, much like we learn in our someBODY BEAUTIFUL way of living retreat.

So today I take a leaf out of my partner’s book – a man who is teaching me to honour me, my needs and my time more fully. On his t-shirt it says this. “I give 110% everyday. 10% to others. 100% to myself.”

Which of the above points did you most like or relate to? Leave your valuable comment below.

Jul 29

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Why I am lusting after “baby pink.” Honour your lust for colour!

By janellefletcher | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Lately I have been lusting after “baby pink”. This is not a common occurrence for me, but it’s a colour that my body has been “desiring” lately. It reminds me of years ago when I met a colour energy consultant – not about whether I am a spring, winter, autumn or summer colour person, but more about the energy of the colour and what that could do for me.

The consultation was such, that I wrote down what colours I wore, what ones I didn’t, how often I wore them, when I started wearing them and when I stopped wearing them. To my amazement, the consultant looked at the patterns of my colour choices, and started telling me about my life – in quite vivid detail ….and accurately I must say! She then went on to recommend 2 colours that I could begin to wear and integrate into my life. One was baby pink. I wanted to physically vomit! I don’t know how you can NOT PHYSICALLY vomit, but what I am saying, is that my body had huge resistance to this. I have 4 daughters – each of whom I had never dressed in baby pink. I have never worn that colour in my life and that colour had never appealed to me at all.

BUT…when the consultant started to explain the energy of the colour and the reason for it, I got it! It is about soft compassion and less of the direct and “harder” love and compassion I was giving. It is about the feminine, more intuitive way of being versus the driving and striving. It is not about the proving of myself which I was doing, but the approving of myself which I was not doing. It is about self validation, rather than seeking that in action, goals and external success. It is about the mother-daughter relationship which I was struggling with a little, not knowing why I was pouring out love in a way that my daughters were not noticing or feeling loved by. It is about addressing my distant relationship with my own mother. I got this.

Hence I went out shopping and amidst my continual want to vomit, I finally found something that I could wear in “baby pink”…and I noticed something. Softer communication. A gentler way of being. A more intuitive way of living, rather than micro-managing and force-feeding the direction of my life. My relationship improved with my girls, because I consciously and probably sub-consciously chose a way that was less domineering, controlling, direct and confronting, to one that was more inclusive, considerate and gentler. I am incredibly grateful for these insights and new actions.

So interesting that this week I have been lusting after “baby pink”. It is a reminder for me to reignite and renourish myself in this “energy” and “way of being.” In seeking something in the shops – be it sweatshirt, scarf or pullover, I found nothing…..until today….I found it! Perfect….lingerie in baby pink and beautiful feminine floral, lacy and textured underwear to match – all for an incredible bargain I can hardly tell you about because of my excitement. I can’t wait to wear them and indulge myself in this colour and its effects!

What colour is your body lusting after today? Honour that lust.

Jun 30

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To mother or not to mother – acknowledgement for you “mother figures” out there!

By janellefletcher | health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

\A comment at a party recently threw me! When a woman, knowing a little of my history, hinted that she knew I had six children, abruptly asked, “So did you make all of them?”, I recoiled into my seat with a somewhat stunned mullet look at my face. What a daft question! Yes I made 3 of them! And yes I was “gifted” three of them following the death of my then-husband’s wife (and birthmother to the girls) but so what? Does that lessen my impact on having been a 24/7 influence in the lives of all 6 of them over 21 years to date? Does it mean I did “less of a job” than a woman who has “made” them and perhaps even “birthed” them? Does this deny the acknowledgement of those of us women who compassionately devote our time to OUR kids. step kids, surrogate kids, foster kids, grandkids or whatever kids, whether born to us, made by us, adopted into our family or simply cared for as one of my/our own for whatever reason?

Today’s post is brief. I love and care for those of you who have transitioned into “motherhood” or “compassionate caring” whatever way you “slid” in there. You are such an important person in the life of your “kids”. I also honour those of you who have wanted children, but who may not have “made them” for some reason – for your pain and for your heartache…but who have also found other avenues of “mothering” others. To all of you men and women out there who have been a mother figure of sorts, hail to you! To those of you struggling with blended family living, may you get the support you need. To those grandparents out there, who thought they had passed the milestone of “parenting” and are now re-parenting their grandkids, I marvel at you. To those who have taken on the “kids” of others – through adoption, fostering or whatever, and dare I say, perhaps kids that were destined at a soul level for you, I see you, hear you and acknowledge you. Mothering, in my eyes, is the most profound privilege I have ever had, and perhaps ever will have. XX

Jun 22

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What the doctors don’t tell us about women’s health and body issues…

By janellefletcher | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

We have an amazing privilege to live in our bodies, and “giving ourselves over to the experts” may not provide the solutions to our woes. In my work with women, who have experienced difficulties with fertility, miscarriage loss, post-abortion healing, eating disorders and weight issues, body dissatisfaction, depression and intimate relationships, there are some things in common, which are often things that the medical fraternity may not have considered, discussed or ventured near. Also I know how addressing the underlying stuff, rather than applying the band-aid has made for huge, life-changing transformations for the women I have had the privilege of supporting. Try this on!

1. Many of our women’s health, body, weight and womanly issues are influenced by a loss, change, trauma, abuse or grief that occurred when we were developing through puberty or in critical times of change and transition in our development as women. Such “hard stuff” sits in our bodies and we often create a story about our bodies and ourselves from that situation – consciously or unconsciously. When we rewrite and heal that story, things change for us.

2. Our “secrets” are stored in our bodies. We need to reveal our secret, and let new healing energy flow into our bodies. Food, medication and whatever else we stuff into our body will only stuff down the secret and the emotions. This will create other “unwellness”. Find a caring, compassionate person to reveal your secret to and get the support you need.

3. Our own “knowingness” – a.k.a intuition – knows the best thing to do for our health and well-being issues. We know ourselves more than any other “expert” out there. When we truly get honest with ourselves, and stop the B.S, beating around the bush or half truths we give the “experts”, we really do know the causes and underlying factors of our “issues”. When we sit still and listen, we have the answers ourselves. This can save us lots of angst and loads of dollars!

4. Our body gives us very obvious cues. The problem is we don’t listen. Start listening to the cues of hunger, fullness, pain, illness, libido, wellness, stress, desire for exercise or requirement for rest, the desire to help others and the yearning to have “me time”, the desire for soul nourishment and creative fulfillment and the cue to stop sometimes. Medicating, mind-numbing substances and activities, certain treatments and procedures and diet regimes dull our natural, in-built and highly acute cues!

5. Our body, mind and soul are one… In my experience, connecting with our soul/spirit is the place to start for any of our body or health issues. Stillness is key. Letting go of control is also important. Watching for signs is useful. Reclaiming their femininity has also helped many of my clients resolve their womanly issues. Faith can move mountains, and a “possibilities way of being”, beyond what we have known in the past is possible, will lead a way for miracles to occur.

Want some help you apply these principles? Let me help you finally become the beautiful, empowered woman you are and reclaim your health and things you really want in your life. janelle@janellefletcher.com

Jun 08

0

3 reasons why you shouldn’t give up and throw in the towel yet

By janellefletcher | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, Written Articles | No Comments

Given up on what your soul is crying out for – like a peaceful family, a fabulous relationship, a service you wish to offer the world or a creative dream you may have? Feel like what you really want is NOT round the corner and is eons away? Feel like you have no more ooomph to wait another day for a door to finally open for you?

I remember clearly the years when I was alone and I was still hanging in there to find Mr Right again. I know very well the years I have put into my business with loads of closed doors and a few fleeting opportunities. I despaired for months sometimes about my kids and wondered what else I could do to make things better for them. I have cried out to God/Spirit many, many times (you can hear the angst in that!) in search for my place on this earth and for things I was asking for to finally arrive.

Following my darkest days of feeling alone in my life (when I was 14-24 and from 40-47) , I simply had to surrender into not doing it on my own, not trying to work out how I could “make it” and not trying to control the circumstances of my life and happiness. It was in those deep, soul-searching moments for my place in this world, that I formed a relationship with Spirit and started what I call “constant conversations”. So what do I mean by that?

It means when I need to make a decision, I ask Spirit and my special friends and family who have passed, to help give me the sign – a yes or a no, a red “wait” sign or go-ahead green light. When I am feeling alone, I ask for companionship. Sometimes that comes in the form of an unexpected phone call, a text from someone I haven’t heard from in a while, a “success story” and thank you from a client or a feeling of peace, when indeed I am alone with no-one else around. When I don’t know what my next step is, I ask for guidance and I simply watch what appears in my thoughts, in my gut, in my surroundings and in my day-to-day world and I follow that. I guess I can say I follow my life now (with a companion), rather than lead my life alone.

So why shouldn’t you give up?

1. You were purposefully put on this planet. Yep, one day we finally have to get that there is no-one else like us! We think others are out there doing the same things as us career wise for example, but no-one is like us! We think there is another “chick” out there who would better suit a particular man – but that chick may not be destined for him. The perfect person might be you! Even through the hard stuff – eg relationship hassles – perhaps we are the perfect ones to be learning what we are learning from them (and their “faults”!) and giving the other person exactly what they need to be learning at this time by living with us through our “good, bad and ugly”.

2. A miracle is often around the corner How many times before I finally met my new french man/lover did I see the signs – an interest in the French rugby team, french market, french music… but not the French man himself? I could have easily given up and settled for my ‘second best” options – which were in fact there! What I needed to do was decide I really deserved my heart’s total desire (not second best) and had to “give up” any ideas of a relationship with these others and wait! Once I had let the other “options” go, my soul mate appeared. Stop settling for second best, put your heart and soul’s desires firmly out there and be patient, watch for the signs and sit in the faith and the comfort (sometimes discomfort!) and see the best for you revealed. It’s about unwavering faith and deservedness my friends. And sometimes the miracle is in a different and even better package than we ever imagined which would not have occurred if we hadn’t waited.

3. Our dark days often light up more clearly what we really want When we rant and rave to the universe about what is causing us worry and despair, we often get clearer ideas and more focused on what we really DO want. Nothing like a good old rant and “clear-out”! Cry, shout, let it all out…in the solitude of your own company or in a constructive activity that helps you release those pent-up emotions. For me, it has been in those moments of intense emotion and outburst that I have become crystal clear! It is also when my answer or my desire has turned up on my plate!

May 04

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5 keys to breaking free from your cage of “not-good-enoughness”

By janellefletcher | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Yes, people can “put us in a box” but often it is we (yes YOU and I !) that cage ourselves into that prison or cage called “not-good-enoughness.” If we hold the belief that says, “We need to be more…” or “We aren’t good enough to…” or “We could never have…”, that is our doing, not someone else’s. Let’s be responsible! We locked ourselves in that cage (or at least have moments of hanging out in there), and we have the keys to get ourselves out of there and experience life with new “wings” – a.k.a awesome relationships, working in a job that is our passion, feeling fit and fab in our bodies, enjoying hot sex and intimacy and/or feeling creative and successful.

So here are 5 of my own keys that got me out of my cage – some of them might even fit your lock! If they don’t, don’t flutter around in a frenzy. Instead sit still on your perch for a bit and let your inner knowing tell you what will help YOU fly in the way you were born to.

1. Remember what delighted you as a child and reignite that. From a very young age, I did not sit still. I tapped my feet. I loved to dance, and moving and grooving is “in my blood”. When I don’t dance, I feel stifled. I reignite this now by being fully expressed in my body – whether I am exercising, speaking, making love or simply hanging out. What you loved as a child, is intrinsically who you are, so start flying around in those passions again.

2. Remember what your dreams, visions and beliefs for the world were as a child and reignite those. I loved autobiographies of people who made a difference in the world – for those who healed, who served, who offered hope and who inspired others to find ways through their hardships and to step up. I had a natural inclination to be with people who felt different – disabled, old, fragile, poor, disheartened…. I dreamed of traveling and being with people from different cultures. I choose now to live my own autobiography inspiring women in their transformation – from a natural, feminine and spiritual perspective. I continue to travel and always will. What you have dreamed about, envisioned for the world and believed in, you are prepared for. “Be the change” as they say, but you can’t do that from a cage!

3. Find your own rhythm. There have been times in my life where i have been super-busy – sometimes out of what I thought was necessity, but much of it was to “prove” myself to either me or someone else that I was “good-enough”. Nothing wrong with having things in your life. But for me, slowing down and simplifying really feels more like me than when I wore the “superwoman” cape. Achieving loads of stuff in a short amount of time does not necessarily equal “you are good enough.” And remember, the most efficient flying often doesn’t happen by loads of flapping of your wings.

4. Flock together with others who believe wholeheartedly in you and who love you for who you are and who encourage you to be in your total awesomeness. Sometimes this means not allowing certain people to hang out in your flying space. Sometimes it means flocking with new groups of people. Sometimes it might mean migrating to a new house, new flat, new job or a new country even! My motto is, “If I feel light in this company, “flock” (=group of people), or location, I am in the right place.”

5. Good enough-ness is a choice. In any given moment we can choose the thoughts, words and actions that align with good-enoughness or not-good-enoughness with vastly different outcomes. eg. “I am big, fat and ugly and have nothing to wear out tonight. I can’t go out! This choice leaves us talking to our four walls, feeling sad, depressed, lonely and probably hitting the chocolate biscuit container. Versus,” I have clothes that really suit me, my body and my personality. I love that and I can’t wait to see what awaits tonight, who I meet, what I will do and what opportunities open up.” Yeehoooo Our choices in each moment lead to entirely different outcomes. Choose mindfully. But also “carry your body” in a way that embodies that choice.

So take action now. Let me and others know an example of how you have “caged yourself’ in in the past, and share one strategy that has helped you break free of that. Others will love your ideas and wisdom.