self esteem & self confidence | Dynamic People Engager

Sep 09

0

Getting tattoed – a powerful healing moment

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions | No Comments

Today was a day I took flight in a new direction. Age 54 and with half my life of parenting under my belt and my last child about to fly the nest, I chose a tattoo as my marker of my menopausal moments which are part of my current rite of passage of flying my own nest of what was, to what is becoming.

My tattoo symbol is the feather. A spirit messenger totem – and one that asks me to continue my close intuitive, conversational and enquiring nature with my inner spirit and to open my senses to promptings. It represents a bird flying the nest – reminding me that I have watched 5 of my 6 children fly the coop while the next one is slowly finding his wings in preparation for flight somewhere in the next few months. It is also the sign of my Dad in spirit as he reveals himself through the sound of his / a bird’s whistle.

The feather too lead me 7 years ago to my soulmate Pierre with whom I got engaged this week. After a chance meeting with a Native American man, who presented me one day with a feather, and then a Maori man who did the same, this seemed too much of a coincidence to ignore, with both men being strong, salt of the earth types with strong cultural roots and leadership and warrior-like qualities. This series of feather totems was followed by the third man, my lovely French man, arriving on our blinddate with a “feather /fern” tattoo on his arm and his “warrior” type energy. His cat too, named “Plume,” (French for feather) sealed the deal! Soulmates coming together in that moment was meant to be.

So fresh to being tattooed, having never ventured there before, and just having celebrated my birthday engagement and entering a “new beginnings year” numerologically, it felt right to be marking my life’s milestones today in symbols at this pivot point in my life.

Whilst noticing the physical discomfort of being “inked”, I chose to drift into reminescing and connecting in Spirit to important people in my life who had passed. I wandered through my maternal grandparents’ place and recollected memories, smells, rooms, and reminders of them both. I headed into my paternal grandparents’ place and reminded myself of the “haven” it had been for many guests. I revisited the house where my husband (now ex) and I brought up the 3 oldest of our kids and the memories of all things family. I cried in this moment. My Spirit recognised many aspects of the people, places, pain-points and life’s pleasurable moments which had placed high on my life’s impact list, and the ultimate healing message today was this:

“You have given all Janelle.”

Who thought having a tattoo could be a healing moment? Today, it felt some “lightness” came over me after many years of pain, struggle and transitions as well as so much joy, and this message soothed my soul, like a mother’s light touch or that of a feather.

www.janellefletcher.com

Apr 30

1

Riding the Wave of Covid-Pandemonia and tips from the “trough”

By admin | health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, spirituality, women's life changes and transitions | No Comments

Covid-19 has tossed us into a wave, whether we like it or not.

For some people , that wave feels like it is going to swallow them up, or even drown them. For perhaps a small minority of others, they are riding it.

Prompted by a fellow-writer this morning to consider “Riding the Wave during the Covid-Crisis”, I asked myself,

How can people be at peace in what feels like a deep trough of hardship, pain and uncertainty?
Could being thrown into this abyss of reduced freedom, job losses and financial uncertainty be a super-valuable wave to be swimming in?

It takes me back to 2008 enjoying moments in a local, farm-style cafe in Kumeu sipping my delicious hot chocolate and hanging with my wisest of friends The Global recession was in its early days, my marriage had ended just a few months before, and the spec house we were building was on the market, and we were eagerly awaiting a sizeable profit to set us on our new paths with a sense of success under our belts and some security for the future.

That day in the cafe, I got flung into a tumultuous wave I was not expecting. The real estate agent excitedly called me to tell me the house had sold. It was deemed a “crest” in her eyes. A sale!

For me it was the lowest of troughs. My hot chocolate suddenly became cold as I sobbed oceans of tears into my cup. I was overcome by the roar of a tidal wave with the realization that I would commence my solo-mum life with more than the average number of mouths to feed, $1000 in my pocket, my humble car and an uncertain job and life future ahead. I felt I had no life-jacket to keep me (and my family) afloat as I started my swim in the turbulent sea of loss and grief.

Fast forward 12 years, a new “tidal wave” and what I call “Pandemonia” has ripped through our world. Hype, fear, panic, uncertainty and losses have starting bobbing up in the collective sea of emotions.

But I sit in a different cafe today (a.k.a my lock-down living room) with a sense of peace, assurance and serenity. Why? Because of my figurative “surf-lessons” of the past 12 years. Here’s some “surf-tips” that helped me bob up from the waves and keep “surfing”, no matter what my circumstances look like.

Success has nothing to do with whether you’ve got the fanciest wetsuit on or a world-title. Success has nothing to do with your job title or role, nor the possessions you own. Take on some form of “work” (no matter how humble) and notice the small things that light you up, and gift the skills and your personality that will make a difference. Detach yourself from the idea of “superiority” or “ownership”, and you will find freedom, even during this time of feeling you are “losing” something.
Waves aren’t waves without an up and down. A crest will become a trough. A trough will become a crest. Some waves are huge. Others are small. And the tide will one day bring you to the shore. Know that you’re a capable swimmer. You have what you need inside. This wave offers you the chance to pull out your massive reserves (and life-raft) of resourcefulness and creativity. It also allows you a re-evaluation of actually what’s important. Now that’s success in itself, so start seeing the positives, and jump on that board with those new found skills and values.
A surf is more enjoyable (and safer) with a companion to share the wave. Feeling utterly alone in my trough starting in 2008, I would not be here today without my unwavering companion of “spirit” with whom I constantly call on as my “surf-partner.” Other “family in spirit” , with whom I have constant conversations. also help me ride the daily waves. We may feel alone, but we never are. Connect with someone today. Ask them for some “surf lessons” and listen. It’s not spooky or scary. It’s surprisingly comforting.

On that note, surf’s up, and I’m heading out.

Janelle Fletcher Well-being Coach www.janellefletcher.com janelle@janellefletcher.com +64 21 756 280

Apr 19

0

What’s my womb pain got to do with self-esteem?

By admin | self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Woooooo, I am not only menstruating today, but I feel a deep womb-pain that needs to be voiced. If there is one thing that is coming from deep within today (much like a menstrual cramp wanting attention or a contraction that is grow(n)ing me closer to giving birth), it is that if we simply be our unique, divinely-created self and be that light for one other person in our lifetime, then that is indeed valued, important, critical and appreciated. And we are born to be non-chameleoned women dancing to our own rhythms, and not clones of a “bigger and better” machine.

So what is my word medicine for myself and other women today that comes from this womb-pain? Well, this ache come from a deep place of dissatisfaction and frustration and a “jeepers do we really have to operate like that type of exasperation?” And they are words of encouragement to those of you who love deeply, care extraordinarily, “turn up” courageously through the thick and thin, and who have that deep calling to make a difference, but who often don’t feel visible, validated and en-COURAGE-d or “not up to scratch” when it comes to the “big-players”.

Recently I attended an event where I was greeted at the door, not with “Hello, you’re special and welcome Janelle”, but a “Hello are you a VIP?” My natural and quick response was “Yes I’m a Very Important Person indeed.” No, what they actually meant was “Have you paid to be treated even better today at this event?” Ouch!

And I was to be interviewed for a Global summit and suddenly the organisers decided my “list wasn’t big enough” to be part of their “integrity of the summit”. Yowsa.

But I figure I could take those “hey, you’re not good enough, bright enough, big enough, valuable enough” or “haven’t earned your way into this “camp” yet type of stuff to burn and scald me. But instead, what I know from deep within my womanly womb-space and feminine knowingness is this.

The masculine tells us we need to be “bigger, brighter, better” and will judge us on whether we are “enough” or “not good enough” based on that criteria. The “feminine” whispers, “Be you and make your small but significant difference in the way only you can do”. One small act may be your calling and responsibility in this life-time. A simple hug. A kind smile. A heart-felt word of encouragement that may make the world of difference to someone.

The masculine tells us list size is important and you are not enough if you only serve a few. The feminine tells us “Wow, the one life you saved in that moment when you were truly attentive to that woman’s soul cries, is phenomenal and such a gift.” Darling, I urge you today to continue to offer that personal attention and intimate connection with one other, so they too feel special, acknowledged, validated, seen and heard.

The masculine wants to spout forth the “10 greatest steps to serve the masses” or “the 3 secrets on how to…” The feminine invites us to be more intuitively-honed, gentler-paced, more personal and individually attentive. And she will certainly invite us to be less “success-driven” in the “outer word” and more soul-focussed on our own internal world so we can heal not just others, but ourselves.

So today if you don’t necessarily have a thriving business, maybe you don’t have much money or you have days of feeling quite “deep, dark or not-good-enough” or “heck I’m not making much of a difference”, then think again. Actually don’t think! Instead feel and know in this precious moment today, you simply being you, dancing to the beat of your own rhythms and singing your own soul song, is what the feminine longs for, and your success lies in honouring her.

Love as you do and make your impact by your own divine knowing you are “well and truly a VIP” making your difference in the world – one soul at a time and starting with you being uniquely you.

From my book Dancing in Her Own Full Moonlight, this poem captures some of the essence of what I have been attempting to give voice to.

Day 27: Shape Shifting into Self by Janelle Fletcher

Pushed into corners

And constraints of my busy diary

Schedules

Things to do list

And “be all to everyone” way

Has over many years

Shaped me into something

I don’t want to be

Superwoman

Not so super any longer however

Because exhaustion

Doesn’t help me

Live with vibrancy

Joy

Or actually just be me

It’s a cardboard cut-out of me

So shaped by my own expectations

From within

And without

The imprisonment of

Time

Schedule

Templating

Looking like everyone else

Succeeding life their way

That by most is seen as the norm

Desired

Or a mark of success

Is squashing me

And keeping me 2-D

But I don’t fit in those circles

Of women

Who cling onto

The next 3 secret principles

Of doing well in biz

Or the latest blueprint for

Having the life I love

I don’t fit in those gatherings

Where it’s the exclusive club

Of the latest and greatest aspiring

Entrepreneur

Biz gal or

Success-driven women

Who shape themselves into

A busy, tight diary

Workload

And social commitment

I cry for what they are missing out on

In their pursuit for freedom

That they dream will come

One Day

I stand alone often

Feeling like I’m a triangle

While others are squares

Wanting to be bigger

And better squares

My greatest desire is to be the

Flowingly

Fabulously

Fun-fulfilled

Me again

That doesn’t get shaped

By such imprisonment

Of Time

Schedule

Templating

But craves for me

In all my shapeless

Glory

That once was

To re-emerge

My desire

Is not to fill my diary

Not to be a clone

And not to be all to everyone

But to feel successful

In the moments

I take care of me and not always others

When I don’t appear to have anything

Or I don’t appear to be moving anywhere

There is true success

And contentment

Feeling peaceful

In my humblest

Darkest

And even messiest place

As a woman

Where I am not

The 2D cardboard that’s monochrome

But instead a 3-D

Mutable

Colourful

Un-shape

But it takes something to shapeshift into self

To metamorph

And know

That my greatest success is to

Frolic in the sea of difference

Not float in the sea of sameness

To flow with my own rhythmic nature

Rather than march to the beat of someone else’s drum

To love my curves of my body, my life, my cycle

And not be the straight line pursuit driven women

Who drives and strives

At the same pace everyday

While missing out on the scenery on the way

And to be messy and vulnerable

Joyful and pleasured

A non-chameleoned woman

Who has the freedom of

Not camouflaging herself

 What are you doing out of expectation that doesn’t really “fit” you?  Where is your uniqueness and how can you express that more freely?  How can you be more real and be the uncamouflaged you?

Feel free to purchase a copy of this beautiful collection of poetry with themes that will sing to your “feminine” and with reflection questions that will help shed light on the beautiful, amazing you. www.janellefletcher.com/shop/