self esteem & self confidence | Dynamic People Engager

Nov 18

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Feeling shattered or struggling? 5 question to ask yourself to “fill up your glass” again

By admin | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, spirituality, Written Articles | No Comments

I am noticing how many people around me lately are feeling shattered to the core, as if they’ve been rocked by “deep-to-the-soul” overwhelm and despair. To me, it’s not about the impending Christmas hustle and bustle. It’s not even about the end of year exams, busy business period or social commitments. It’s more about an internal struggle with themselves – knowing their path, but finding obstacle upon obstacle blocking their way, being committed to something and not having the means to do it and an overall feeling of physical, emotional and deeply spiritual shattered-ness. Faith is challenged. Finances may be tested. Family pressures are fueled and fiery reactions or depressive-tendencies rear their head. It’s like people are broken into too many fragments, to feel they will ever have a full glass of hope, peace, or resolution of their hardships or struggles some time soon.

So being one who is presently experiencing some of my own shattered-ness from being overstretched at the moment and having transitioned through many changes this year, I am asking myself these questions which I offer you also to help you “mend” and fill up your glass/tank again with re-newed energy, hope and some “movement”.

1. What does my soul need right now in this moment?

2. Who can I call upon for some help? – someone alive or someone who has passed.

3. What do I need to do to put my own needs first right now, rather that attending to others?

4. What is this struggle and shattered-ness teaching me?

5. Who am I grateful to for teaching me this?

Sit quietly with these questions. Whatever the answers are, take one action today. And in the words of something I saw today which encouraged me,

” Weep not for what is passing…Rejoice for what is coming”.

On that note, go out and encourage someone today who is feeling or looking somewhat shattered! They will appreciate you for helping them “top up their glass.”

Nov 10

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Hot secrets for you to reignite your inner sexy even if you are single or feel like you are

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Has it been a while since you felt sexy, sassy and loving the lusciousness of an intimate relationship? Want your spark back, whether you are single or feel like you are in a bit of a drab relationship?

For many women, their fire has gone out and only the ashes remain following separation, divorce, death of their partner, a string of bad relationships, bad internet dating experiences or still finding themselves single. So how can we reignite our inner sexy, sensuality, and sassiness whether we have a loving partner or not and why should we even bother?

First let’s start with the why! We love it, we feel good, we feel hot, we love romance, we yearn for the closeness of good sex, we are sensual, touchy-feely people, the feel good hormones respond to some good loving, and we feel more alive. Great reasons! So now how about the how?

Sexiness is an outside job as well as an inside job. Don’t keep your best clothes, or your favourite perfume, for a special occasion. Why not wear your best dress to work or your favourite sexiest jeans to the dentist or your most colourful top and most gorgeous perfume to the school show? Ban black and wear more colour. Wear textures that feel and look good. Attend to your personal care and appearance. You don’t have to be donning over-the-top make-up or spend hours in front of the mirror, but why not attire and adorn yourself in things that make you feel gorgeously feminine? Stop hiding beneath your layers, and start emerging out of your cocoon into a more colourful you and a more colourful life!

Use your body. When we feel unsexy, our body shows it in the way we hold ourselves, move and groove. The “mind-set” way of thinking would have us mantra-ing “I am beautiful, sexy and all the rest”, but I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me on its own. When I experiment with the way I move, groove, dance, make love and all that good stuff, I know that emBODYing sexiness is the key. I don’t mean learning the latest Beyonce moves. I do mean “feeling sexiness” in my body by deliberately choosing stances, postures and movements that have me feeling hot! This also gets us out of that “frozen stuckness” (some would call it frigidity) in our body, which can happen when we simply don’t feel attractive.

Light more candles. I don’t know about you but candles make me feel hot. In my single days, I lit them every night making the mood in my house feel lighter and brighter. Make a tasty candle-lit meal with aromatic spices and invite someone round. Picnic more on the floor. Sleep next to the fire. For most of us women, we enjoy warmth. Find great textures to snuggle up with. Feel the sun on your skin. Enjoy a spa, sauna, massage or pleasurable pamper. No it doesn’t need to cost the earth. Invite a friend to give you a hand-rub or back massage in the comfort of your own home. Share the love!

Throw away some sexual taboos. Much of our beliefs have come from other influences like our parents, the school we went to, the church, our peers and others we have mixed with. Perhaps it’s time now to decide for yourself what is kosha or not when it comes to sexual and sensual things. Start having some conversations on topics once thought of as hush-hush. Give yourself permission to explore the unknown. Uncover your real inner secret desires and go for it. Why tie up your desires that can’t wait to be unleashed?

Sexual and intimacy experiences of past relationships need not be the same this time round. It would be easy to assume that future experiences of relationship, sex and love will be based on what has occurred in the past. Dangerous thinking! Every new person in your life is different and offer you different opportunities for your growth and learning, and theirs! It does however pay to recognise what worked and what didn’t work in the past, and what part you played in that. No blaming here! It is also worth noticing the patterns you have created when it comes to love, passion and intimacy – in other words what pushes your buttons – hot ones and not so hot ones. It takes courage to respond differently this time round…so grab some courage, take a “leap of faith” and make a commitment to having great sexual and intimate experiences beyond what you have experienced before by responding differently.

SEX – is not just about love-making. It is about Self EXpression. Don’t try and mould yourself into something you are not. Find your inner sexy – what turns you on creatively, what turns you on socially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, politically, financially….and everything else –ly! When you Self Express yourself –showing your real juicy self, your world changes and suddenly you will find yourself with the person of your dreams, or rev up your current relationship, or ditch the old outworn one or find yourself quite contentedly doing life single-ly.

Oct 28

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Are you nibbling the crumbs or having your cake and eating it?

By admin | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Are you nibbling the crumbs or ‘having your cake and eating it’ in life? How often do you accept less than what you can have on your plate – literally and figuratively?

Here are some examples of how nibbling the crumbs rather than cake-indulging may look in YOUR life!

Your kids, husband, family members or people you live with spend hours each week doing stuff they love. You slot “me time” in only after you have driven the others somewhere, attended their activity or done the housework!
You serve everyone at the table before yourself, buy something at the cafe for the others but don’t have anything yourself, you calorie count everything rather than giving your body the nourishment it needs, or you order the least expensive plate on the menu while others choose exactly what they want.
Money goes on the bills first, then on others and lastly on you. Others have new clothes, for example, and you are still wearing your stock-standard classics from years back.
Everyone else in the house has an interest or two. You don’t think it’s possible to head out mid-week to attend a class, have a social night out or pursue an interest or sport. After all who would look after everyone and how would you fit everything in?
You wait for ” Mr Right” or “Mrs Right” to come along and miss the opportunities of what “people in the meantime” might offer you. Or you settle for second, third or even 100th best in the “relationship” department.
You are waiting for something in the future to occur (eg kids leaving home, retirement, enough money, lotto win, better health…) before you “indulge” in some of your pleasures.
Think of your own examples…A clue here is thinking about the things you feel that you are “missing out on” (crumbs) while others have it all, or appear to! (the cake)

Here is some food for thought for us generous, giving, selfless, motherly, hard-working and often martyr-like women. Yes I too am often guilty of nibbling on crumbs!

Guilt creates ill-feeling – literally and figuratively. We don’t feel content, and we don’t get what we want. We also get ‘sick”. The predominant emotion of martyrdom is resentment. Both guilt and resentment eat away at our spirit and energy levels and we become not fun to be around!
Nourishing ourselves with good food and drink is important for our energy levels. Stop restricting, denying, overindulging, calorie counting or being excessive. Listen to your body’s cues for hunger, thirst, rest, sleep, sex, pleasure, creative urge…
Money is about flow. When we learn to spend money on ourselves and things we love, we naturally “light up” and attract all sorts of things, people and experiences into our lives. We become like a magnet.
Denying ourselves of pleasurable things, interests, experiences or avenues for creativity and self expression is like a slow death of our spirit.
Be Mrs (or Mr) Right for someone. This comes easily when your own pleasure needs are met because you are not waiting for the other person to make you happy. You are happy anyway!
You can’t go back in time, but you can determine how your time now and in the future is spent. Regrets are never positive. Instead of regrets, how about a good dose of selfish indulgence? (better labelled as self-giving indulgence.)
Doing everything for everybody but yourself is poor tithing! As my partner’s t-shirt reads, “I give 110% to everything. 100% to myself. 10% to others.” Perhaps this is more effective and happiness-making tithing!

“Let us eat cake.”

Oct 20

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Your “running away” or ending something may not be an act of cowardice

By admin | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Running away from something or someone is not necessarily an act of cowardice. It may in fact be your greatest act of courage.

“My relationship finished and I ended up travelling to the other side of the world. My friends told me I was “running away”.

“I felt like my soul was dying in my marriage, so instead of going to counselling, I told him I was leaving.”

“I worked for 10 years towards creating some kind of success in my self-employment. I’ve tried all sorts of things, nothing really worked that well and I’m about to call it quits.”

I have given up hope in the medical system. I’ve decided I’m not going through with more invasive treatment for my cancer, and I know there’s something else out there better for me.”

“I’ve spent all this money on my training, but do you know what? It just doesn’t feel like me and I’ve decided to go do a different course.”

Any of these sound familiar? Something has come to an end and people’s reactions, and perhaps your own logical point of view, say that you’re running away – as if you have done something wrong, you have no “stickability” or that you are a downright failure!

A woman shared with me recently that her relationship ended and she decided to go travelling to the opposite side of the world. As she landed in this country, she stepped out of the plane and onto the tarmac. Her immediate reaction was she felt like she had “come home”. She had experienced the condemnation of well-meaning people back home that she was running from her recent split and that she was somehow abandoning her post-loss-and-grief “responsibilities” back home. My reaction to her comment when she arrived here feeling so “at home”, was that was she had indeed run towards her soul’s calling of “home” and that she would find what she needed here, not there!

When after numbers of years of marriage I had this internal soul-ache and in fact, soul-death feeling about my marriage, I honoured that ache, and left my husband. His attempts to “mend” the relationship issues by suggesting we go to counselling felt empty to me, for my soul was asking for healing and honouring of its calling, no matter how illogical and unreasonable it felt to break apart a family with six children and no matter how logical it felt to get some “tangible” help. It was in the healing once I had honoured that decision when I received very clear images of why I had been put in that marriage and why I had left. My role had been completed – having taken on my husband’s three children following the death of his first wife, having been visited by her in spirit asking me to “take her girls on as my own”, having birthed another three children together and with the older girls having become independent women. I was put in that marriage to bring those three oldest girls into adulthood following the death of their mum, more than be “partner” to my husband. (Mother rather than lover, I called it!) My subsequent grief from my broken marriage was healed by knowing I had done my role and I had done it well and to completion. The next part of my soul and ‘going solo’ journey was to begin a new chapter for me and the remaining three children (and the chance of a new lover, more than mother relationship!)

For those of you who have been through training or worked towards a career or self-employment path and feel like it’s coming or has come to an end – whether by choice or not – leaving it is not necessarily “running away”. It may well be the final straw that is required for you to really find your passion, a new niche or find a better means of contributing to the world and to make your mark. No “apprenticeship” is ever wasted. Your inner desire to leave is probably your important direction post!

For those of you who have been struggling with unwellness and feel there are other means of “treating” your health, this is not “running away.” It may be your body’s inherent wisdom and the calling of your soul to “venture towards” other alternative avenues – ones that will open up very different possibilities and opportunities to you.

Running away is not always cowardice. In my experience, such an act can be the most courageous feat you have ever done and such an act of honouring your internal calling rather than blindly following what the external world thinks you should do.

For those of you who have come to an end of something – be that friendships, family relationships, commitments to clubs or organisations, or whatever, ask yourself “is this a cowardice running away?” or is this a courageous running towards something for your greater good and that of others? I choose to focus on the second, because it helps relieve the grief that naturally occurs with stopping, ending, dying, relinquishing, transitioning, changing or leaving behind something or someone…and it helps me gain from the benefits of honouring that inner calling, whisper or shout that says “Run!” “It’s OK and you’ll be OK!”

Oct 13

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Run from grief or love it?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

When we are sitting in the “well of loss” – otherwise known as grief – we feel it, not just in our bodies, but in our souls. For some, it feels like an intense darkness and heaviness. For others it feels like paralysis. For some, it may feel like a gnawing or intense pain and often an intense loneliness and a feeling that we have become untouchable or unapproachable. Our pain may distance others who notice or even feel our pain, but who don’t know how to engage with us or who don’t want to be drawn into the “entanglement” or even unfamiliarity of such grief. Grief can be incredibly isolating. It may be we need our “own space” to heal and find life’s meaning again, or maybe we feel we have become someone “different” who even we may not recognise. We feel like we are strange or strangers to ourselves. At a soul level, we feel like we have died, or at least that we may never recover from such intensity of feelings and experience. We may be angry with questions – “Why me? Why this? Why now? What next?” and most of all “Who am I now?”
Grief could be from the loss of child or loved ones, infertility, miscarriage, abortion, loss associated with aging and ill-health, the loss of work, change in significant relationships or empty nest, changes in the family situation, disability, the loss of hope and in fact, anything that involves change – whether completely “out of the blue” or even planned or desired.
Grief creates change within our body, its systems and its ability to function and heal. It can “depress” our system – not just in the form of “depression”, but in the form of making our “system” sluggish. Take for example, our digestive system, when we don’t want to “digest” what has occurred in our life, or changes to our reproductive or hormonal system that can occur when we grieve. Our suppressed emotions can sit within our bodies as pain, discomfort and “stagnancy”. Grief can cause havoc on our mental clarity and can also be “shed” and even expelled through our body’s elimination system, perhaps in the form of irritations, outbreaks, diarrhoea or change in menstrual flow.
It makes sense therefore that we might want to run from grief, rather than love it! Society tells us we should dampen it with medication or numbing substances, we should “get over it” and we should suppress it rather than express it. Does this suppression however not create more un-wellness – physically, emotionally, mentally, creatively, socially, sexually and spiritually? How would it be if we:

saw grief as the healing agent rather than a “sickness”? If we expressed it, raged at it, got mad with it, sat in the agony of it, embraced it and even loved it, our body would be “naturally” releasing its feeling of loss, and perhaps even heal what preceded some of our pre-grief un-wellness, ill-health and stress-related stuff.
thanked grief for its opportunity to slow us down at times and give us the rest we need, and to propel us forward more quickly at other times?
used such an emotional roller-coaster to fuel our creativity and ignite our real life purpose?
saw grief as a chance to be more in touch with the heights and depths of our senses, sensuality and even sexuality?
recognised that it might be our soul’s purpose and intention that we go through what we are going through to be the “best we can be,” and to see our life as more “full and complete” having experienced such extremes of joy and despair. Maybe we may even throw more caution to the wind and live life with more excitement and adventure!

So here’s to loving our grief and not running from it!

Perhaps grief is our biggest opportunity when we embrace its expression, desire and intention.

Sep 29

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Why dealing with conflict is easy for someBODY BEAUTIFUL

By admin | health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Many people find it difficult to be the one that “rocks the boat”, creates some waves or perhaps even causes a storm. Why? It is not because they don’t have an opinion or something they hold as important, valid or needed to be said. It is more often that they don’t want to appear unkind, uncaring or disapproved of. They value others’ approval, more than their own honest self expression. Picture this.

A mother wants to get her kids to clean up after themselves, but she ends up doing it for them and then feels resentful, if not outraged. She huffs around the house, rather than saying something.
An adult child returns to the nest, but doesn’t really pay his/her way. The parent feels taken for granted but feels scared to address the issue.
Something happens at work and everyone keeps tight-lipped or scared to speak up for fear of losing their job or being treated unfairly.
A woman does not like how she is being treated in her relationship, but she continues to tolerate such behaviour in fear that her response will cause a reaction.
Someone goes along with what the mainstream do, but quietly and intuitively they know better.

someBODY BEAUTIFUL in contrast,

comes from a place of self approval, rather than trusting someone else’s appraisal of them.
values honest self-expression because she is committed to fully being herself.
knows her own needs, desires and pleasures and has those on the top of her priority list so her “tank is full”. No-one can take things from her “fullness”.
knows she has something to on-offer others by sharing what is important to her. Her “making waves’ might create needed change inter-personally and also in the world around her.
speaks her truth because that is more important for her health and well-being than hiding or suppressing her ideas. She speaks intentionally, not reactively.
has compassion for others, but doesn’t molly-coddle, play martyr, victim or other disempowered roles, and she desires that others be the best they can be as well.
knows that other people’s behaviour and actions have nothing to do with her so she doesn’t take their reaction personally.
practices excellent self care.
practices so much self love that even if the harshest of stones are thrown at her, she will not die in the process.

Here’s to actively creating some waves, to create some inner peace and change our world.

Sep 08

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Are you superwoman doing WE time, more than ME time?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Imagine if having “me time” were the “cure-all” for your health, women’s issues, sanity, family life, relationships and even your career. In fact, the more I think about this notion, the more excited I am about that “cure-all” possibility!

The problem is many women struggle with taking “me time” because they consider it selfish, the kids or family needs are “more important”, they would feel embarrassed or uncomfortable saying that they had some time off rather than basking in the admiration of others for being “really busy,” or they are simply ingrained in the habit of prioritising work or “other jobs” before “a life”. Here are a few “me time” thoughts, which for me too are a new concept having played, and sometimes still do, superwoman doing WE time, more than ME time.

Our physical energy is being stretched more and more. “Me time” will re-energise you!
Resentment and regret are two key emotions that women feel when playing “super-woman”. We are not fun to be around when we are in these emotional states! And if we hide these emotions (which we often do!) this starts to show up in other ways. eg. relationship tension, family disharmony, depression, lack of creativity…
Intimacy within a partnership requires two people to “turn up”. “Me time” allows you to be more fully present and desiring such warmth, affection and sex, rather than running for cover to “catch your breath” on life.
We aren’t doing our kids (and others) a favour when we “spoil them” or “drop everything” and attend to their situation now as if it were an emergency. When we took on being a mother, lover or girl-Friday, we didn’t sign an agreement that says we forsake all! Sometimes we just simply have to say “no” and put a zip on our mouths!
We complain that others are “taking us for granted” or asking too much of us, or that we constantly feel tired or have no time for ourselves. We, in fact, teach others how to treat us. When we continue to put others’ needs first, that becomes the norm. Change this norm to honouring YOUR time and YOUR needs, as much as you do theirs. You will be a much better parent, lover, worker…
Selfish is not the same as self-giving. Self-giving honours everyone.
Women’s health issues come from not honouring the natural curves and fluctuations of our menstrual cycle, which teaches us there are times to be out there doing, creating, socialising or being active in a cause, versus the second part of our cycle which asks us to rest more, recover, re-breathe, re-vitalise, re-store, re-generate and be more emotional! Both can be “me time”, but they must be in balance.
Many women go on a retreat once a year or do the “odd pamper day with the girlfriends” now and then. This is not “me time.” “Me time”, needs to be a way of living, much like we learn in our someBODY BEAUTIFUL way of living retreat.

So today I take a leaf out of my partner’s book – a man who is teaching me to honour me, my needs and my time more fully. On his t-shirt it says this. “I give 110% everyday. 10% to others. 100% to myself.”

Which of the above points did you most like or relate to? Leave your valuable comment below.

Aug 31

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The beauty of “break-outs” & “melt-downs” in your body

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Breaking out in rashes, pimples or other irritations, fire-ing up inside with menopausal symptoms, itching, diarrhoea-ing, redness, throbbing, vomiting…or perhaps having a melt-down with other explosive body symptoms? What is your body doing that screams “outbreak”, “I’ve had enough”, or “I don’t like this situation any longer”?

Most people are ingrained into the thinking that such physical “outbreaks” are bad and should be medicated, treated, covered up and generally not tolerated.

Yes these “symptoms”, as a doctor or health practitioner would describe them, can be fairly annoying. How about we see them as simply telling us a “story” and a reminder of what is no longer in balance in our lives and body, what situation is no longer satisfactory, or even what simply needs clearing – and therefore be grateful for that reminder and allow it to be.

* Outbreaks generally have an underlying emotion. What is that emotion when you sit quietly with what is occurring within your body? Anger? Annoyance? Betrayal? Discontentment? Lack of creativity? How can you positively use that emotion to change your situation?

* What is the story, or belief, you are telling yourself about the situation that springs to mind or the person who comes into your awareness? Perhaps that story is not the “truth” and you need to rewrite it.

* The beauty is that we can actually allow that situation, emotion, reaction to a person or “outbreak / melt-down” experience to be cleared through the natural functions of our body – breathing, perspiration, menstruation, elimination…and then be grateful for what toxic stuff our body is releasing and the new space it is creating for good things to come into our lives. Learn to also love menstruation, our cyclical nature and menopause because they naturally help us “burn off” what is no longer needed, and “grow” stuff we do desire.

* Begin to “soothe” your body with more soul-nourishing activities, people, occasions, body rituals, music, nature, movement, prayer, pampering… We often focus on what is “wrong” in our bodies, so begin the practice of noticing when that “outbreak” is calmed and what has created that quieter, happier and more contented space, and practice more of that!

And with today being the first day of spring in the Southern Hemisphere, may our bodies be “spring cleaned”, soothed and re-vitalised, and in the Northern Hemisphere, may there be a shedding of what is no longer needed or wanted.”

Aug 25

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Stop holding your breath for something “better” in your life

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

I’ll catch my breath, when I finally get that stuff sorted.” was what I heard the woman say. My response was how about she “breathe first, then the things will get sorted?” As woman, we are so busy charging around, madly busy, trying to sort out things in life, as if A + B = C. We try and work out a solution, a way, or something that will at least help us towards our desired state of happiness, health, relationship, family relations, work or whatever. We micro-manage, and in the meantime we literally forget to breathe and “smell the roses” and we miss our chance of life sign-posting us and making our life easier -sans le stress. (without the stress)

Holding our breath for something better down the track,

we miss or ignore the good things that are happening already. We let the already good things happening in our life pass us by. In fact we are blind to them. How about seeing your life, as it is today, as “good” (or perhaps even great) already?
keeps us “doing stuff on our own” as if we alone can change the world and “control” our situation. The reality is when we still ourselves and breathe and follow the lead of signs and synchronicities, our “stuff” is managed effectively for us! We are also not alone, when we let the stillness of our soul lead us. We are accompanied in life!
we set ourselves up for un-wellness. When we do not breathe well, we get headaches, lethargy, panic, stress symptoms and loads of other maladies. Breathing well from a still, quiet space could, I believe, create healing miracles in your health – not just because of the physical benefits, but because of the soul/spiritual benefits.
we deny our intuition to “flow”. Another word for “to breathe” is to inspire – literally and figuratively. Our intuition is literally inspiration for how to live life very easily, almost without effort. If we followed this, versus the bending and manouvering of our mind, we would already be in a far “better” situation in our life without the need to worry.
stops us from realising how amazing we are already and I like the words of Sylvia Plath from the Bell Jar – “I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.”

Living a full-breathed, intuitive, inspired life can make your life “great” now. Start consciously breathing again. Take time each day to be still. Let peace be in your life, from the inspiration of breath. www.janellefletcher.com

Aug 21

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Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the fairest of us all?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Many women have a distorted image of who they think they are, how their bodies are and what their life’s challenges look like. Perhaps, as a woman, YOU are looking in mirrors such as these.

The magnified mirror is where you see every blemish, scar, pimple, bulge…as something far huger than the reality. You see life’s problems as insurmountable. You view the size of your body in unreal proportions. Your language is something like this. “I am too ugly, too fat, too unhealthy, too old or too whatever…”

The minimised mirror is where you feel invisible, unnoticed, and not enough. It’s the epitomy of the Tall poppy sydrome where women dare not “upsell” themselves. Words like “I am just…..” come out of your mouth with ease. eg. I am just a mother. I am just the wife of…..” Alongside of that comes the “not” word followed by “enough”. “I am not talented enough. I don’t have enough money. My boobs are not big enough”, and on it goes. You give your power away to others because you don’t feel empowered or confident enough to take on the responsibility.

Then there is the comparison mirror – or what I call the somebody else’s mirror. This is where you compare yourself – your talents, skills, body, life….with others. It’s where you “maximise” others and “minimise” yourself. You compare yourself, your body and your life to what the media tells you is “ideal”.

And how about the broken mirror where your life reflects the distorted story or mirror that says you are “broken” from trauma, grief, loss, shame and other events such as abuse of any kind, molestation, down-putting… It is easy to stay victim whilst looking in this mirror. It is easy to feel unable to to change the situation. It is easy to feel depressed, paralysed (or at least stuck) in your situation. It is easy to fear what it would take to be a confident, passionate and beautiful women, because that would require different things of you.

So yes, it’s time ladies that we stop looking at distorted images of ourselves, and start looking at ones that truly reflect back our truest nature – that we are gorgeous, talented and in fact brilliant as the beautiful Marianne Williamson and Nelson Mandela have quoted. “Who am I to be brilliant? Who am I not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world…”

So here are just a few ways to see a truer reflection of who you truly are.

Start approving of yourself, rather than trying to prove yourself constantly. Just be you, with who you are today.
Have a point of difference (POD) by honouring your unique life lessons, inner gifts, values, skills, beauty…rather than trying to be a clone (pea in a POD) of someone else or someone’s version of who they think you should be.
Use only self-honouring words.
Get to the core of the “story” you have created about yourself. Unravel the “what happened” and “what did I make that mean about me, my body and my life?” Stick to the facts, and not necessarily the story you created. Rewrite that story if it is not self-loving.
Practice body gratitude by finding things to be grateful to your body for, including the way it has healed, recuperated, detoxed, grown, recovered and re-energised…itself.
Look at your internal treasures, not your external measures. eg. numbers on the scale, in your pay packet or numbers of “world experiences” you have had. Mirrors only see the outside. Focus on the treasures within and who you are as a “whole person”. Your rriends and family will be talking about who you are at your funeral, not the size of your waistline, pay packet or numbers of whatever you think might make you more desirable, liked or successful.
See a source perspective of how marvellous, beautiful and successful you really are. This is Spirit, God, the universe, your inner marvellousness or perhaps someone in soul / spirit (passed on) who thought you were the “bees knees” and who has faith that you can surmount any “obstacle” in life and have a richer, more fulfilling life than what you are presently experiencing.

“Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of us all?”

We all are, but you will only get this by looking at the correct reflection of who you are. The unexpected joy of this is when your life starts reflecting that new image of you, more positive things begin to appear in your life.