Written Articles

Feb 23

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Your SOUL purpose & finding your “happy place” in the world

By admin | health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

When women are racing around attending to everyone’s needs but their own, sometimes they lose sight of their soul purpose or the hunger pains of their soul, which are either screaming out loud, staying dormant in silent rage within their bodies or are such feint whispers that the woman doesn’t even know what’s going to feed her soul anymore. She has lost her “happy place”.

Speaking to a mum yesterday – a beautiful, capable woman of a young daughter who has been through numbers of hospital visits, chemo, lumbar punctures, radiation, casts and a long list of difficult things in her short four years of life – her mum’s words were “I’m not sure where I fit anymore.”

Our conversation headed in the direction of hubby receiving all of the praise for juggling work and such family testing times. But where does this capable woman “fit” and where does her identity lie, not to mention how does she feeling validated and know where her “place” is in the whole scheme of things. Put simply, I think her soul purpose may be hard for her to recognize, and her own needs have been put on the back burner.

Having had long years of being told how marvelous she was in her corporate job, no-one is banging their tambourine acknowledging what an incredible woman she is now. Her current experience is felt as “fitting outside” the norm of how people define success or feel validated. Sometimes it’s difficult to accept that your soul purpose is not necessarily in the corporate world. Your soul lessons may also not be in that arena – like this woman’s and my own experience, because I have also been down the path of intensive mothering of 6 kids, including one with special needs/abilities. And I know that there are other soul reasons for us to be doing what we are doing – day in and day out – humbly, patiently, sacrificing self and also often not being seen. It is not a mission cast upon everyone but perhaps it is not everyone’s soul purpose. And when we fight against our soul purpose, we can grow our seeds of discontentment into wilting flowers – and we end up feeling zapped, worthless and saying “What the hell?”

This feeling of “lost in space or feeling out of place” not only reveals itself in the trials of parenting kids with interesting needs. How about when our children fly from the nest and suddenly your role and identity diminishes and fades into a long lost memory and pining perhaps. It occurs when someone close to us dies. It happens when we leave the marriage or partnership. It occurs often as we ebb and flow through our womanly life fluctuations and curve-balls.

So how can we be more soul-content even when the world and people around us are not “praising us from the hilltops” or when when we feel like we’re in a foreign and perhaps “undesirable” land?

Discover the freedom that this soul assignment is giving you. It is not all about constraints. Perhaps it is freedom from a strict 9-5 working schedule. Perhaps it is freedom in the type of people you are meeting. Perhaps it is the freedom of alone-time or a new area of learning.
Learn the art of self-validation. It is only when we lose our expectation that others should love us, adorn us with thanks or even notice us in their own busyness and struggles in life, that we are set free. It is our unmet expectations that often disappoint us and lead us down the path of discontentment.
Learn that feeding your own soul hungers is also important and is actually YOUR responsibility. If your soul’s longings are not being met, then you are to blame! Take some valuable time to actually re-listen to your soul crying out for what it needs and find a way to feed the need.

If you love this wisdom, why not share with a friend? And how about leaving a comment on how you find your “happy place.”

If you want more, head to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website.

We also have a somebody beautiful facebook community – a gorgeous place for gorgeous women to commune daily! Why not, come over and join us?

Feb 12

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3 ways to be beautiful even when you’re having an emotional melt-down

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, Written Articles | No Comments

I exploded this week – in fact I had a huge emotional melt-down! It appeared out of nowhere as a sudden unexplained outburst at the drop of a hat – actually the drop of a few words by my partner that fuelled me into a lit dynamite stick. Ka-boooomb!!!

Yes, I am menstrual AND peri-menopausal, and hormones are playing havoc – or should I say doing what they are supposed to be doing – allowing me to be more aware (because they are now becoming so crystal clear) of the undertones of what is important and unimportant in my life now as I go through “the change”. Change into my authentic self that has me finally looking after my needs and less of others’ needs – unfamiliar territory, and no doubt there are a few landmines ahead.

But my emotional melt-down looked far from beautiful. It was an ugly scene. It was loud. It was explosive. It was nasty even. And my partner copped it all – in the form of me escaping the nest for a night and me finally after 24 hours of self-indulgence and time out, carrying my tail between my legs and humbly returning home feeling far from gorgeous.

So is it OK for a woman, who has long constrained her emotions, who has long given to others before herself and who is exhausted to her core because of over-giving, over-doing and not getting nearly enough sleep, to have such an emotional melt-down, and could that be considered beautiful?

I want to say YES, because the world would have us say NO. Society teaches us that we women need to wear the mask of emotional constraint (that generally looks like a constant smile on our face), keep the strait jacket of motherhood on without a bid for freedom now and then, and to be a loving and sexy woman, lover or partner in an always pleasant and upbeat way.

Let me feel into how we can be beautiful even when we are feeling a little worse for wear – generally by our own doing (or believing) of the above.

Have personal SELF CARE as number one in your life. This is still an ongoing lesson for me because I am a heart-felt, mother Goddess who has concern and compassion for others. Not a bad thing, but it is when self-care is not up the agenda. What could self-care look like for me as I write? More time out with my girlfriends (yes restaurant booked for next week!), a good solid 5 days away regularly being pampered or doing very little (end of March feels the right time!), a charitable trip overseas (could be my 50^th birthday treat) and some money spent on anything that will help my long-term insomnia problem. It’s time! And let’s throw in some good laughter-inducing activities that will re-ignite my pleasure burner – which will also help me ooze my beauty more!

Know that the emotional spectrum is OK and important and that I don’t need to hide any emotions, because they come out in the wash anyway – especially in the form of resentment, bitterness, jealousy and other such lovelies – if unexpressed earlier in a more moderate form. As woman, we have been given our menstrual cycle as a perfect model for the ups and downs, life’s curveballs and need to honour each phase of the cycle – an active, looking after others, happier and “lighter” phase, and a more inward, reflective, desperately needing care for self and one’s emotional landscape phase – typically pre-menstrually. If you are no longer menstruating, you will still have cycles of sorts, especially if you are aligned with the moon. I am so learning that my beauty lies in me being fully woman – not just an emotionally strait-jacketed woman. Jealousy tells me clearly what I want. Resentment also tells me what is important. Bliss definitely reminds me to have more of whatever is helping me feel that way. When I use these emotions wisely to direct me into a lifestyle that I will enjoy more fully, I will ooze more beauty.

Attend to what you are wearing. An odd thing that has intuitively come to me as I type this, but it feels it has some truth to it. When I am feeling pretty, feminine, soft and colourful, I instantly feel better and indulge less in my hissy fit. If I am slothing around in my worst of track-suit pants while feeling fiery, “down” or self-pitying, I tend to indulge in that state longer, harder and deeper. So note to self: When I am having my next melt-down, put on my favourite perfume, dress in something pretty, put on my nicest of lingerie and attend to my skin and hair, not to mention paint my toenails.

So with a glass of wine in hand tonight, my feet up after a hard days’ work, a night out at a restaurant with my love and hopefully a good sleep, I choose to see my beauty in all of this no matter what.

If you love this wisdom, why not share with a friend? And how about leaving a comment on what you are going to do to look, feel and grow more beautiful?

If you want more, head to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website.

We also have a somebody beautiful facebook community – a gorgeous place for gorgeous women to commune daily! Why not, come over and join us?

Jan 31

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3 ways to radiate extraordinary beauty even when you are getting older.

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Reading an issue of MindFood yesterday (one of my Christmas pressies to self) I came across a title, “I don’t want to grow younger. I want to grow my beautiful.” I might add that I want to embrace,more than ever, my feminine after years of being far more “practical” in my attire, my work, my schedule and daily routine.

Nearing my 50th this year, life is pretty good, exciting and pretty pleasurable. And I am feeling good about me and my body. Yes it is aging somewhat – or should I simply call it chaging (a.k.a changing)? And yes there is loads on the market to have me looking ever-so-slightly less wrinkled or less”saggy”, but inevitably the age counter is always counting.

But despite that, we can look, feel and grow more beautiful – not just visibly from the outside, but allowing what’s inside to shine. In fact, I believe there is nothing more alluring, magnetic, charming and irresistible when we shine our feminine and when we allow our soul to sing. Graceful Aging, I call it. So what can have us radiating extraordinary beauty as we get older? Let’s talk about 3 S’s today.

A Stillness practice There are countless studies about the effect of stress, negative thinking and the cumulative effect of a busy lifestyle on our cells that are aging, so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that when we reduce the amount of stress, and increase our stillness practices that our cells stay more “youthful” and vibrant. Serenity also shows itself in our appearance. That slower, calmer, more relaxed look is definitely more “youthful” than an agitated, angry or stressed disposition.

Embracing your Sexual and Sensual nature No, this is not just about having more sex – the act, because quite frankly, that is not always on tap, nor sometimes desirable for whatever reason. Saying that, research does tell us that fabulous love-making (or self-exploration a.k.a masturbation) is natural “make-up” giving your skin a great glow among other benefits. I would however also like to refocus the word SEX to that of Self EXpression – conscious moving, posturing, breathing, dancing, creating, using your voice and titillating your senses with gorgeous smells, sights, textures, sensations and sounds. When we are “lit up” at that very sacred, sacral, sexual and sensual level, we vibrate beauty that is beyond just our outer appearance and our age.

Soul Food So much is focussed these days on what food we should and shouldn’t be eating to keep us looking young, fit and fab! Yes there is some merit in eating nutritiously. But I believe our body knows what it needs and doesn’t need if we only listened to it. But equally, if not more importantly, we need to feed our soul cravings. What’s your soul crying out for? Is it demanding you give up your stressful job and start a project you are really passionate about? Is it asking for more music, dancing or creative outlets? It is saying “feed me” some more adventures? Is it asking you to ditch some people in your life who “age” you, and to seek companions who love seeing you lit up and who keep you feeling young at heart? Don’t just attend to what goes in your belly. Start feeding your soul.

A soul that sings and a smile on your face is the language of beauty.

If you love this wisdom, why not share with a friend? And how about leaving a comment on what you are going to do to look, feel and grow more beautiful?

If you want more, head to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There are also some great free resources on this website.

We also have a somebody beautiful facebook community – a gorgeous place for gorgeous women to commune daily! Why not, come over and join us?

Jan 15

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Can SELF CARE stop you aging? Yes! Here’s why.

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, spirituality, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

As you know I’m all about learning the art of Ultimate Self Care and helping others do the same.

Why? Because I was super-woman for many years and got burnt-out, dried up and lost a lot of my mojo. I also have no doubt that playing superwoman for far too long has aged me somewhat. Perhaps more wrinkles (worry lines) that I may not have had. Some angst in the stomach from too much worrying about everyone, while I ignored my own needs. And the breast-lump (benign), that becomes more prominent when I menstruate, reminds me of the many years of “feeding others’ needs and letting them “milk me dry”. I am thankful this lump stays there to remind me regularly (cyclically) to take care of my own needs and to quench my own thirst. (In other words, feed my own soul needs)

So why have I asked this question? Can self-care stop you aging?

My favourite women’s health expert is Christiane Northrup and I just watched one of her videos. (see below) This woman has some great wisdom about aging gracefully. In fact, aging seems a bit of a fallacy really that we “buy into” because we think “something RUNS in our family”, or because society, the medical system and the media tells us what our menopausal symptoms will be like and what to expect, what will happen to our bones during “the change” or what will happen to our mind as we chronologically get a “bigger number” to put in the “your age” box.

“It is our belief system that “runs” in our family, not a disease.” Christiane Northrup

Wow I relate to this! Self care was not part of our family belief system. It was all about giving to others, doing unto others, and service and self-sacrifice. I learned this off my mother, God bless her! And yes, she would indeed think that God is honouring her for her sacrificial lamb tendencies.

Unfortunately this has aged her in terms of heart health. Loving others over loving herself. Caring for others, over caring for herself. An imbalance of the artery and vein, pumping out blood from the heart – giving -and pumping back into the heart – receiving! It is no wonder she now needs a pacemaker to “artificially balance that”. She also lived into the belief about heart health because her mother died of a sudden heart-attack in her early sixties. My mum has “had her affairs in order” since her early sixties. She made her funeral plan back then, my sister knows “where everything is” and she has not entertained a “heart/love” relationship with another man since my dad left her before she was 60. and she has a daily concoction of pills to keep her heart going. Yes, she is a great woman. But yes I am learning that I do not want this legacy of heart health to “run” in my family.

Christiane in her video below – Belief changes biology – has some great ideas on this and it all comes down to what we believe and I would like to add, what new “self-care” rituals we would now like to enjoy and pleasurably indulge in as 1. we age (numbers wise) but 2. as we become age-less in our mind-set and body-set.

Ageless Goddess Video Series – what you believe changes your biology – Christiane Northrup

And as I sit in stillness this morning and again ask myself what my SOUL NOURISHMENT needs are, here’s what self-care rituals are intuitively calling me this morning to help me be “age-less” and impact my biology – a.k.a state of health.

1. Heart medicine – not of the medical type, but things that stir my soul. Thanks Spirit, that today I have been considering what to do for my upcoming 50th birthday in September. Nothing would “stir” my soul more that to follow my philanthropic love. I have looked at a project in Mexico building a house for a poor family. This stirs my soul and makes me smile. Yes it is for others, but yes too, it makes my heart and soul sing. My ritual therefore will be sitting regularly and asking for support from the Universe to allow me to be part of this project.

2. Be more active in my body and in nature Lately I have noticed I am more inactive physically than I used to be. Not just that, but the nature of my activity has become more sedentary. I no longer go out dancing like I used to. I know longer walk as often. I sit behind my computer far more than ever. What is my soul asking of me today? Exercise and communing in nature. Random trips to the beach. Stop off at the forest. An hour in my garden.

3. Connect with Goddesses of Nature. Who intuitively springs to mind? Flora. Let’s google her! Here goes…”Flora is the Roman Goddess of flowering plants, especially those that bear fruit. Spring, of course, is her season, and She has elements of a Love-Goddess, with its attendant attributes of fertility, sex, and blossoming.” So yes, perfect. Flora medicine – flowers, love, sex….some great self-care remedies!

If you love this wisdom, why not share this with a friend?

If you want more, head to www.somebodybeautiful.com and get on my mailing list to update you with more goodness and help you flourish more in self-love, body-honouring and reviving your feminine spirit. There you will also find my great audio on creating a Soul Nourishment Menu.

We also have a somebody beautiful facebook community – a gorgeous place for gorgeous women to commune daily! Why not, come over and join us?

Jan 08

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How chocolate can make you more productive without burning out!

By admin | Uncategorized, Written Articles | No Comments

Common to women is that we all have the “I can’t wait to get out with the girls and socialise phase” and the “I want to crawl back into my bed with some chocolate” phase.

What’s this all about and how can we be OK with it?

Having recently spent 30 days writing to the phases of the moon and once again going back to natural fertility methods, I am loving what the moon can teach us women about being our most energised, productive, and creative selves without running ourselves into the ground.

To achieve this we need to

honour both the action and reflection part of our lunar / menstrual cycle. In other words, the need for getting stuff done (GSD – some call it Get Shit Done!) AND the need for rest.
give, give and give and be of service to others (as only us women do!), but we also need to rekindle the often neglected need and desire to receive and give to ourselves. Phase one of our cycle is give unto others. Phase two is give unto thyself!
have the first part of our cycle where our exercise regime, eating habits and tick off lists are being followed religiously and “I’m on track”, balanced with the other phase of our cycle where listening more to our body’s rhythms, wants and needs is paramount. Sometimes that means curling up under the blankets, rather than running your 10km, or eating soul-nourishing food rather than rabbit food. And it may mean less rigid diary appointments, and more free time to create and do something that fills your soul (rather than your diary) in our second phase.

What I just noticed is that the New Moon phases for 2016 all appear towards the beginning of the month and the full moon phases towards the 20th of each month. Obviously this shifts slightly. What that can teach us is to plan our first part of each month in 2016 leading up to full moon as the getting stuff done phase, getting out there in the world, ticking off some lists, networking and you being the social bunny plus biz girl extraordinaire and whatever else you are juggling.

The second part – Full Moon onwards (in the case of 2016 – that’s the second part of the calendar month) is time to go slower, be more reflective, do some editing, be emotional and be kinder to ourselves. It’s OK to not want company. It’s OK to use this time to read, paint, recreate your stillness practice, journal, and eat chocolate. In fact towards the end of this phase it is our shedding/menstrual time – it’s the time to curl up in our red tent, nourish ourselves with some food goodness, shed our guts or our tears, heal the old emotional stuff and start the new month with a clean slate where we are feeling more energised again.

So why not give this a go this year rather than being a super-bunny on fast mode all of the time till one day your battery dies?

Comment here on what you are going to do differently this month to feel more energised, creative and productive by including rest, retreating, chocolate and a bit more “slack” back into your life.
And why not share this blog with one woman you care about who tends to be an over-doer, over-giver or who is simply needing time and some new ways to recharge her batteries?

Dec 06

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The pain and joys of being mum

By admin | relationships, intimacy & sex, spirituality, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Isn’t motherhood often difficult? It brings us the deepest joys and often the deepest lows. Some reflections in poetry today and the intense feelings that we can feel as mothers, especially when our children leave home or in split/blended/separated family dynamics. I trust something resonates in you.

If something “calls you” in this writing and you “get it”, why not head to www.janellefletcher.com , enter your details and I will keep you posted in early 2016 about more writing/inspiration called The Write of Passage – a place where you can share your story, poetry, thoughts, reflections and also be updated on somebody beautiful events and a new free online self care series and a Divine Deva Ultimate Self care Experience. Or why not also head over the the somebody beautiful facebook community where women love to share their fabulous, messy, joyful, painful lives and be real and raw?

The return

My son

Oh how I have missed you

Having graciously let you

Go where YOU needed to go

And not where I wanted you to be

Safe in my heart

Under my wing

And in my embrace

Of Mother love

The pain

That you are now adult

And I have missed some years

Of you becoming that man

Having walked the rite of passage

Into such extraordinary

and sometimes difficult times

Of emerging manhood

My pain of

Womanhood
Being a mother

Simply wanting to make your way

Easier

Brighter

And with a softer landing

And to hold and rock you

So you feel secure

Is entwined somewhat with my own deep desire

To feel needed, wanted and respected

On your short return

I feel intense sadness

That I have missed those few years

And I notice it even more intensely

Than when you were absent from our home

Your return has rifted my heart

And reminded me of that pain

Of letting you sail

Into unknown waters

And reminded me

Of how powerless

I have felt

To be the mumma

I wanted me to be

Not what you needed me to be

But as I shed buckets of tears

Into my well this morning

Which has for some time now

Felt dry

I am filled more with more sustenance

Admiration

Pride

And

Motherly love

Of the way

You are becoming the man

You were destined to be

And the path you have walked

Which may not have been

The trail I planned for you

But one that has shown you the way

To who you are today

You have done well my son

Minus me

In the last three years

And my cup runneth over

With respect for myself too

For the foundations I set

The seeds I planted

The water of love I sprinkled

And the ever constant knowingness

Not an easy one

But an important one

That it is not a mother who determines

How a seed grows

As much as she would like to think this

The seed himself

Grows

With his own knowingness

Inside

Aug 31

0

5 Spring seasonal rituals to help you through your seasonal soul struggle

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I was shocked this morning with a “bolt” out of the blue. Namely an unusual reminder that at this time of the year, I seem to struggle in my soul. It came from no-where, but then I remembered it’s September 1st tomorrow and whammo, it all came back.

Spring in New Zealand is supposed to be such a lovely entry point to growth, newness and reinventing yourself after a slower, more hibernating and reflective winter. It’s a time when I should feel more energised, more creative and “rearing to go”. It is also my birthday at the start of Spring, so logic has it, it’s a time for all things new, a clean slate and a new plate on which to put some new life morsels, activities and biz pursuits to “go after” or indulge in.

But that it not what it feels like, nor has it felt like that for years at this time of the year. It’s a time of the year that I have often been at my lowest, my most “lost” and my “leanest”. Perhaps it’s astrology, but it doesn’t feel like that. Perhaps it’s some kind of “post-SAD” – Seasonal Affective Disorder – the Winter Blues or the likes, but it also doesn’t feel like that either. It actually feels like it’s my soul tugging away to be heard and recognised and it also feels like my body and energy levels require some new “calibrating”.

So logically what do I notice about my Springs of the past.

It’s when my favourite nana died.
It’s when I’ve often been low in money for some reason. I still haven’t worked out why.
It’s when I returned from my difficult exchange student year in Germany and had to find my first job.
It’s when I returned from my big O.E (travels) feeling somewhat disillusioned.
It’s when I was at my lowest ebb many years ago and attempted to end my life.
It’s when I was typically at my heaviest weight following a cold southern winter.
It’s when I got married. And it’s when I left my marriage.

In fact as I ponder these seemingly random events, it’s fascinating that they all have been within a 6 or 7 week time frame at the beginning of Spring.

So what do I take from this intuitive wake-up message today and the familiar “low” feeling I am experiencing as I write?

It tells me I am still feeling a little “off-beat” in my soul. I reminds me that I have often run from pain and it catches up on me if that wound remains unhealed. It also reminds me of the theme I have carried for many years of never really feeling like I have “found my place”. It also reminds me to care for my body and my energy levels, over and above the demands of others in my personal and professional life.

Do I need to “fix” this and “boost myself up” to feel more buoyant and on top of things? No, not really as that would not honour my seasonal highs that need lows, and lows that one day produce the highs. It would also tell me that so-called “negative” emotions are bad, but in fact they are great signposts of what is and isn’t working and what my soul is really crying out for. And it reminds me that my body is not a machine that requires everything to be the same. It is in fact a fluctuating work of art.

But on that note, body rituals are what help me “ride” this familiar tide of soul struggle – helping me let go of things not needed, and to allow what is needed and desired enter into my life. Here’s what I started with today and have planned for the week.

A gorgeous body massage and reflexology this morning. I came out feeling a million dollars.
A mid-day rest to help my body recover from my recent cold and flu and to allow my body to detox and recover.
My bi-yearly “boob and lube” – a.k.a – breast check and cervical smear. What a great time to be checking my womanly health.
Allowing myself to “remember” and cry when the crying comes, and asking my body to release those memories and hurts through its natural functions.
Re-writing my soul nourishment menu – not a food “plan”, but sitting and asking my soul what it really wants and needs to be fed right now and during the coming weeks – people, activities (or non-activity even!), rituals and other lovely nourishment.

When is your seasonal struggle?

What intuitively is that “struggle” telling you?

And what do you “know” within you already, that will help get you through that “struggle” with more ease?

Need some help? Janelle Fletcher www.somebodybeautiful.com

Jul 27

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Ultimate self-care – The importance of “mothering” yourself

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

My youngest son turned 13 today. It’s my “birthing day” and his “birthday”. 2 great reasons to celebrate.

But it also brings to the fore some of my own “stuff” around mothering and being mothered.

Without going into too many grim details, here is a real and raw candid video that I made today about “Wow, I did it!” I finally connected with my mum and sister after years of distancing myself and in the case of my sister, complete avoidance It’s also about me, the self love and body confidence gal, taking some more leaves out of my own book when it comes to mothering myself and self care. Click out my story on this video. Mothering myself

So after watching that video, consider these two questions:

What are your “mothering yourself” practices that are craving to be resurrected?
And what womanly or motherly, daughterly or even sisterly (whether literal or figurative) connections do you want to revive for the sake of your wellness, sanity and ability to move on?

So here’s where it’s at for me.

1. Celebrate each of my kids birthdays as also my birthing days and give myself even more love and pleasure on those days. Today being my son’s birthday (and my birthing day) I even had a spa in the middle of my working day.

2. Be held more often and spend less time racing around, and more time in someone’s arms.

3. Spend more “girlie” time with my girlfriends. Laugh, drink wine and dancing sounds like fun!

4. Find out more about my mum and her “growing up” experiences.

5. Be kind to my body and rest more when I am menstruating. Honour that time to rest, rejuvenate and release.

What are your “mothering yourself” practices that need to come out of hiding?
And who are you going to connect with now on the “girlie” front and why?

How about you post your answers over at the somebody beautiful facebook community.

Jul 12

0

Strong independent women learning to “receive”

By admin | health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

I saw this great facebook pic yesterday of a woman desperately wanting to have some “me time” and then she reminded herself that she was a capable, independent woman!

It made me think that many woman actually sabotage what they deeply desire by “trying to be strong”. The way I see it, they are denying themselves of the feminine art of receiving by fobbing off offers of help, attention, pamper and pleasure. And the longer they teach others they are not up for “receiving”, the gifts start disappearing.

And to me, not practising the art of receiving is a sure way of keeping people distant, keeping deservedness down the priority list and of keeping a woman in exhausted super-woman mode trying to prove herself. There is no fun in this, and it could potentially be seen as destructive and maybe even addictive behaviour that leads to unwellness and unhappiness.

So what about reframing the idea of receiving and deservedness in a new light? Here’s some languaging to consider.

Take time for yourself. Get a massage. Take a holiday. Get a back-rub. Take ten. Get a moment in the sun. Take a holiday. Get pampered.

Take and Get are often difficult words/verbs for an independent woman. It all seems very selfish. It all feels very unproductive. It perhaps even feels as if these are trivial compared to “success-and-outcome-orientated” activities that one should be “doing, controlling, completing or aspiring to.” (Very masculine way of operating, I might add!)

Why not replace the words “take” and “get” to “receive”? Much like a gift that you would love to have. Much like an offer of love to yourself. Much like a demonstration that you care about self care – knowing that you are even more “powerful” when you are in your richly pleasured, feminine, self-loving and receptive way of being. (The feminine art of living!)

So here’s how it could sound!

I gladly receive time in the sun today during my lunch break, rather than spending time working in the office.
I happily receive the compliment about how talented or beautiful I am, rather than fobbing it off.
I gratefully receive time today to do something that pleasures me, not just time where I produce something.
I am delighted to receive a meal cooked for me by my kids, even when it may not be what I would cook!
I lusciously receive intimacy with my partner, rather than feeling I have to give and initiate all of the time.
I lovingly receive the door opened for me today or a seat given to me in the bus by a random stranger.

Try on that receiving is a great act of self-care and is not a sign of weakness,

but a sign of inner feminine strength and self-approval.

Jul 09

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What’s tough for you right now? How to turn tragedy into traction.

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What’s your “tragedy” in your life to date and how has that created some fabulous traction for you?

No, this is not about denying you of the grief that may have come about because of your marriage split, your long-lost lover leaving you, losing the baby you wanted, being in a passion-less job, having “wayward” teens to parent or any other difficult stuff you have experienced, or are indeed smack-bang-in-the middle-of-experiencing now.

Yes it’s shitty. Yes it’s painful. And yes there are huge things to adapt to when we go through tragedy, dramas, nightmares or simple heartaches. Hindsight is a fabulous thing to see how new doors have opened for you out of that “shit”. But I reckon, not just hind-sight, but fore-sight into the future with a new lens is also great to help you gain traction (and positive new direction) through the tragedy.

Here’s a new lens to consider looking through. It comes in the form of a question.

How could this point of ‘TRAGEDY’

(a.k.a health issues, job loss, loss of baby, cancer scare, terminal illness, being jilted…(you’ll know your “tragedy”!)

be exactly the point of traction I need and deserve to head down a different and better path?

Yes you thought your destination point was where you were heading. And you thought that destination point was the right one for you, right now, with the right person in tow and the right motivation behind you. But that’s turned to custard!

But alas. Sometimes a different destination is actually the right place for you. Sometimes the traction and resources you build as a consequence of that “tragedy” is the making of you, and not the breaking of you.

Take these people as an example. Oprah came from very humble beginnings and background, and her strength of character and contribution to the world came out of the traction that came from her own personal “tragedies.”

Take the lady down the road who has cancer. That scare has given her the “wake-up call” (a.k.a point of traction) that will have her living out her days doing stuff she loves and with people she wants to spend her life with, and she’ll leave the other stuff behind that is unimportant. What a gift!

My own personal “tragedy” of infertility for many years was difficult. But it lead me down the path of natural medicine, reconnecting with my body through charting my menstrual cycle and to people and places that lead me to the work I do now. I also got the point of traction that allowed me to find my own path to conception and having my children. What a blessing my infertility was.

And hey you may be sitting there feeling stone broke because you’ve left your passion-less job and you are finally out there doing your best, trying to make ends meet while creating your new solopreneur business. Your “NO-MONEY-TRAGEDY” may be the point of traction that soars your creative juices to get you and your biz moving in ways that you couldn’t imagine! So here are a couple of useful personal mantras.

My breaking is my making.

My point of tragedy is my point of traction.

Look in hindsight at how that “tragedy” has helped you, but also look in fore-sight, not to prevent the loss and grief from overwhelming you, but as preparation and motivation to use this situation for good.

If this resonates and you are looking forward to a new direction in life after a difficult turning point/tragedy, then I would love to support you through my coaching and retreats. Why not email me for a complimentary skype session and you’ll come away with some great ideas that are actionable and life-changing. janelle@janellefletcher.com

And if you know of someone going through some heartaches, why not sure this post with them?

“It is our belief system that “runs” in our family, not a disease.” Christiane Northrup

What are your “mothering yourself” practices that are craving to be resurrected?

And what womanly or motherly, daughterly or even sisterly (whether literal or figurative) connections do you want to revive for the sake of your wellness, sanity and ability to move on?

Try on that receiving is a great act of self-care and is not a sign of weakness,

but a sign of inner feminine strength and self-approval.