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Body rituals that break the grief recycle of past hurts

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

A serious moment at Mop ChopBody rituals are powerful cleansers.  They can also be a deeply profound experience – moving your emotional state from something difficult to something with more ease, and  getting you out of “stuckness” in your past grief, loss, relationship crap, abuse, health problems or difficult situations and getting flow back in your life.

What reminded me of this and what are some rituals that can help?

Yesterday I got my period.  It was also my eldest son’s birthday – my firstborn child.  That was also the day I had to have a caesarian after a long awaited and hoped-for natural birth.

At the time I was “mother-earth” and having an emergency caesarian, I felt like a complete failure.  I refused pain relief and felt paralysed with pain for days.  With superwoman tendencies, I also bashed my body trying to recover too quickly.  I was tired.  I got mastitis that felt like it was going to kill me, but I ploughed on through.  That breast pain was unrelenting for months as well.

So today when it suddenly occurred to me that it was the anniversary of a happy event yesterday, but equally one that scarred me, I remembered how powerful body rituals are to help heal such wounds and such behavioural tendencies.

  • So today I am honouring my body and that experience 17 years ago by allowing my blood to flow freely without tampons.
  • I am allowing the emotions and memories of that time to be released in the way they need to.  I am allowing myself time simply to sit and cry.
  • It’s a day to say “no” to pushing myself hard, and simply allow myself to be with what arrives on my plate today, rather than attending to what is in my diary.
  • As part of my ritual I will also shower, exfoliate and gently massage my caesarian scar and be grateful for the safe arrival of my baby and the way my body has adapted and allowed me to do the many amazing things I have done since.
  • I choose to also dress nicely today – feeling pretty, feminine and soft.  That is what my body s asking of me.  It is also asking for slow and graceful movements,  not rushed and frantic ones.

I am reminded too that anniversaries often bring us such insights about past stuff.

So when you are feeling a certain something – perhaps sadness, tearfulness, low mood, depression or even lethargy, don’t always look to those factors that immediately surround you like what’s happening right now in your relationship, what you’re eating, what the weather’s like or how your job is going.  It could well be something of your past which is showing its cyclical nature and sometimes cyclical hold on you.  I have seen this again and again in my coaching and healing work with women who have suffered losses and grief of the past, and the grief appears to “recycle” itself in a timely manner – which can be yearly, monthly, seasonal or even a menstrual cycle pattern.  This “anniversary reminder” can give you an opportunity to let that “hold over you” go.

One way to stop that grief “recycle” or at least let something of it go, is to do body rituals.  Here are 6 great rituals that may help.

  1. Immerse yourself in the ocean, deep bath or spa pool.  Allow the water to cleanse and heal.  Dry off the “old”.
  2. Exfoliate from head to toe, being grateful for each and every body part and how your body is so amazing.
  3. Sit – feeling the sun  on your skin- doing nothing but being with your breath and the warmth and allowing any emotion, memory or ideas to float into your awareness.  Just be with what comes up.  Blow whatever you wish to away.
  4. Place your hand on a body part that hurts, was affected or is unwell.  Ask your body what it is telling you.  Act on whatever it is prompting you to do.
  5. Push pause today.  Stop running around.   Rest your body.
  6. Light a candle, remember an incident in your past that has pained you.  Thank it for what it has taught you and then blow the candle out.

If this resonates, why not consider some coaching and healing with me?  www.somebodybeautiful.com

 

 

 

 

 

The prison of insignificance – keys for the prison door

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, spirituality, Written Articles | No Comments

The prison of insignificance  – A life sentence of depression and keys to finding your freedom

“Depression has many guises.  It can be the mask of loneliness, the veil of insignificance, the not good-enough-ness cap or the scarf of sadness and grief. Let’s try on that they are different, but part of the same outfit.”  ~ Janelle Fletcher

It can run and leap on you at a moment’s notice, or it can secretly slither around your body until it wraps itself around you like a strait-jacket.  It can feel like your long-lost friend who you know well, or an enemy that you want to vanquish with any energy you do have.

It can begin with a known trauma or incident, or it can come seemingly unencumbered with no major life story attached.  What I do know is that depression is heavy.  Sadness is heavy.  Loneliness is heavy.  Feeling insignificant or unnoticed is heavy.  What one desperately cries out for is to see the light between the prison window bars as a sign that there is life beyond the darkness of depression, and to know that a key is available to unlock the cell that has confined them in their own prison, and perhaps even kept them safe for so many years.

Just as crimes are named and labelled, so too is depression widely the label of what could be more accurately described as something else. My own life sentence of depression is perhaps better described as my prison of insignificance. For me, 11 years was a long time to sit in my familiar prison of isolation, aloneness and insignificance.  I sat quietly in my cell that I had created for myself, and by myself, from the age of 13 until I was 24, yet I never understood until hindsight granted it to me, the reasons behind my self-incarceration, not only within my bedroom and in my social community, but also within my own body that was also shrinking in insignificance in the form of anorexia.

My prison cell existence consisted of me staying under the radar, having set times and routines for what was familiar and safe for me, excelling in my own world of academia and study and by closely and rigorously training my body like a master or mistress of obsession and compulsion – all in aid of having some kind of control that would allow me to feel my life, and I, were not out of control.    I exercised madly in the exercise “yard”, came out for rations of bread and water and low calorie food, was part of several groups, but somehow didn’t belong, and suffered the craziness, heaviness and intense loneliness in my own cell of silence.  Even the prison guards didn’t know of my pain and heaviness. The occasional visitor into my life didn’t know. The world at large didn’t appear to notice or care, or at least say something. I was a master of disguise, showing my well-perfected smile, calmness, rationality, discipline, success and got-it-together-ness, occasionally interspersed with monosyllabic answers, periods of obvious isolation and sadness and finally an unsuccessful suicide attempt.

Many of you will recognise the prison of insignificance and not good-enough-ness which may feel like depression or lead to it, but which I believe is something in itself. I did not understand what lead me through the prison doors of insignificance and invisibility at age 13, but now as a mature woman with self-awareness through years of personal and spiritual growth, healing and a recent insight, I do know.

The day Nana Mary died was the day I died inside.  As a young 13 year old woman, I remember awaking to the news of her passing.  I was distraught like never before.  The pain was excruciating.  My best nana, my best friend, my jam and preserve-making, lolly-giving nana with the chamber pots under her beds was no longer there.  I never saw her again.  I never heard her encouraging voice.  I never smelt her roast dinners again. I never got to wander to her outside toilet.  I never saw her at my dance performances or receive another 50 cent piece for doing so well.  I never got to stand with the other old ladies on the thrift shop stall selling their wares, nor tinker through her jewellery treasures.

Out of excruciating pain I didn’t want to go to her funeral.  I went because I had to.  I wanted to see her in her coffin to say goodbye.  I didn’t or wasn’t allowed to, which was perhaps a sign of the times.  I don’t remember the social gathering after the funeral but I do remember the big yellow car that took us down and around the bays and who was driving.  I don’t remember what I did with my tears, but they didn’t come out.  I didn’t know what I did with my voice, but I lost it.  I didn’t know what I did with my loneliness, but I know it got hidden somewhere.  That Sunday was the same as any Sunday dressed in our pretty home-sewn dresses.  That Friday before was like any Friday.  But the Saturday I got the news, the world was forever different.

It is only now in hindsight that I view this loss in my life from a different nook and cranny. It is now in hindsight too that I see the patterns of my life tapestry that emerged from this moment of intense loss and the lingering and long days, weeks, months and years of feeling unheard, unlistened to, misunderstood, abandoned, uncuddled, unworthy and unnurtured following my Nana’s departure from my life.  It makes sense why I have felt I have walked the world alone – literally and figuratively.  It is apparent now how my mask of competence, confidence and got-it-togetherness and my serving and supporting of others being paramount over my own needs, have both been means of protecting myself from such intensity and pain of not only losing her, but feeling the intense loss of not being allowed to be vulnerable, sad and angry and not feeling held, heard and comforted in the way and degree that I needed as a young girl of 13.

Where I found the comfort of a shelter, a hammock and a fireplace was not in people, but in the comfort and confines of the pursuit of self-worth based on excelling and perfection. That is what I knew. That is what I knew how to do well. Anorexia and bulimia, depression and suicidal thoughts became my intimate friends who would hang with me, hear me out and would reduce or dull my pain, yet ironically forge me into agony that would blow my mind, destroy my body and kill my soul.  Eleven years, in essence a life sentence, were spent in that lonely, dark cell.   If escaping into the safety of my familiar cell was not sufficient to dull my pain, keep me safe and isolate me from others, my next escape was to travel the world.  Even there I found no friends, no lover, no parent-figure, no saviour and no nurse to soothe my wounds and take away my pain, despair and anguish that followed me round like a bosom-buddy in my backpack.

I have always been drawn to help the lost and the lonely, the forgotten and the grieving. My early growing up memories were of befriending the “handicapped”, chatting to and holding the hand of the elderly in hospital,  teaching the young new skills, dreaming of cuddling children in African orphanages, writing to World Vision kids, marrying into a family who had suffered grief and disability and choosing service and helping-based professional roles.  My own personal transitioning through eating and body related disorders, depression, suicide attempt, fertility issues, miscarriage loss, molestation and blended family dynamics amongst others has given me the gift of wisdom and compassion and afforded me the skills and talents I share with others who want to be held and heard, who want a haven or place of belonging, who want to see light through the dark tunnel and who don’t want to ever feel alone, discarded or unworthy.

It was a year or so ago when I met several mothers grieving from the loss of their children through suicide.  It was through a valuable conversation which I had with a grieving mum that completed another part of my life jigsaw.  Her question was not “Janelle, why did you choose to attempt suicide one day?” but “Why did you choose that particular day?”  A very revealing question indeed which had me initially giving tangible, logical answers, but which later through dreaming and intuitive leadings revealed that I attempted the same Labour Weekend Saturday that I received the news of my Nana’s passing, albeit 11 years later. My intense and lingering loneliness, feeling of abandonment, unworthiness and insignificance wanted to be set free by meeting my beloved Nana again, not at a conscious level, but at a deep, soulful and subconscious level.

It was also not with conscious choice that I abandoned the need for my parents or family. I did need them and want them, and to some degree I left them. What I noticed was their “let’s get on with it” and “today’s another day in the calendar” way of being with life, and their loving outpouring to others who were needy and who wanted rescuing or saving.  I envied these people intensely but ironically decided I would never be needy again.  I could do it all on my own.  I would walk this world alone and I would deal with my own pain by finding my own way.  It was not with conscious choice that I shrunk into insignificance and unworthiness.  I yearned for approval – whether I was happy or sad, good, bad, ugly, fat or thin.  I yearned to be real, to speak my truth, to express myself authentically and emotionally and to be supported not betrayed or persecuted, accepted not told I wasn’t good enough or bad,  loved not left, cuddled not cursed and appreciated, not devalued or discarded.

My life changed and I released myself from my own prison cell after my unsuccessful suicide attempt.  I could no longer do life on my own.  I could no longer punish myself and sit out a further life sentence. I could no longer seek solace in isolation and I yearned to somehow affirm that I was good enough and significant. It was now about approving of myself, not proving myself.

My “get out of jail” keys lay in recognising what I needed in my 13 year old pain and seeking out what would gift me a sense of peace, belonging, value, worthiness and connection to others. I learned to hug myself and wrap my arms around those who needed a cuddle too, to be kind and charitable, not only to myself but to others, to be more nurturing in my self-talk, to listen with an open heart to others and unearth my wisdom with them, to hammock myself in comforting and nourishing activities, rituals and company and to on-offer the hammock or fireplace that my nana offered me.  Most importantly I learned to connect with the Divine who is ever-present within me and sees my greatness.  I am never alone.  I am indeed significant, and the heaviness of depression has been lightened as I have become more enlightened and come home to myself and the essence and uniqueness of me. My key to freedom has also been in shining the light for others who are experiencing the darkness and isolation of their own prison.

The shackles holding you in your prison can be broken and you can also find your freedom.  Remove your mask of loneliness, the veil of insignificance, the not good-enough-ness cap and the scarf of sadness and grief by seeing yourself in Divine Light, shining your unique light and being the change for others.

Unlock your door to freedom, for you hold you own keys.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What if my grief was my gold?

By | health & well-being, spirituality, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Grief…We’re told to get over it, get through it, get to the end of it or to get a grip on it (or ourselves) should we veer off in uncontrollable crying, outbursts or other outpourings of overpowering emotions, thoughts and behaviours.

Same with depression.  Dull it, deny it or deaden it with medication.

But what if grief and depression were our nuggets of gold and the making of us,

rather than rubble and the breaking of us?

And what if the grief that comes from death, disability, divorce, abuse, infertility, miscarriages or any other changes in our lives…was actually a gift, nor a grievous mistake.

When we’re grieving, what’s really important in life suddenly becomes more crystal clear, when previously we may have sat in confusion or lack of clarity.   Regret, lost time, sadness and unfulfilled dreams make what we want, crave or would die for all the more obvious.  In fact, grief can re-ignite a lost spark within us and spur us on to live life how we would like it, not how we’ve been living it to date.

When we’re grieving, our emotional state is in overwhelm and exaggerated – not falsely or wrongly, but in authenticity of who we really are and what we are really feeling.  Is that not powerful when it comes to the possible potency of our creative juices?  Imagine the art, the music and creative gifts that have been, and will continue to be unwrapped in the state and grace of grief.

And in grief, who comes to comfort us?  It is in those early moments, we know who are true friends are and their qualities that make them special.  Surrounded by people who care in that initial time in grief is priceless. Surrounding ourselves more long-term after that initial period of grief where people rally around, is also a gift, because who we formerly associated with, may not be ideally who we would choose to travel the rest of our life with.

And what of the learning and growth that has come from journeying through grief?  What have we learned?  What has this experience opened us up to that we would never have experienced or dived into before?  What new interesting avenues has it taken us down?  What judgement have we learned to put aside?

And often the gift of grief is that it takes us beyond ourselves into a different realm of existence, a different realm of faith or a brand new relationship with something greater than ourselves, because we may feel un-resourced without that extra “force” within us. Our spiritual fortitude is tested.  Our inner strength and resourcefulness is given wings. And even in those moments of complete devastation, pain and agony, we dig deep within ourselves like never before.

The gold is in the grief.

 

 

 

 

 

 

10 reasons for women to get out of overwhelm, juggling and imbalance

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Are you a woman who’s experiencing overwhelm, juggling, exhaustion and imbalance? Here’s 10 reasons for YOU to get out of stress, overwhelm and heartache and get YOUR spark back.

Why join the somebody beautiful movement of women?
1. Because you deserve to be up your priority list.
2. Because being busy “superwoman” is exhausting and often unfulfilling.
3. Because being a vibrant woman is highly attractive.
4. Because it’s no point or fun “doing it all on your own.”
5. Because hating your body is draining. In fact it’s downright painful and harmful.
6. Because going at someone’s speed or trying to be like them isn’t helpful.
7. Because holding onto old pain and secrets keeps you stuck, unwell and unhappy.
8. Because indulging in your real desires gives you energy.
9. Because self-love, body confidence and intimate love energises you to go out and love life.
10. Because you get back your sense of purpose and can make your difference in the world.

Which 3 of these 10 ideas resonate with you the most? Share on the somebody beautiful community facebook page.

Want some help to do that or know of women who could really do with a good dose of self-love and body confidence, putting themselves up the list, being less busy , less stressed and being happier and more “in love”?

Here are 3 free ways you can be part of the somebody beautiful movement.
1. Share this post with your women friends and family members today and invite them to head to www.somebodybeautiful.com  and put in their details to be in the draw to win a free somebody beautiful way of living retreat.  While you’re there, check out the success stories / praise from other women!
2. Join our somebody beautiful facebook community for free inspiration and support.
3. Email me  at janelle@janellefletcher.com to book a free 20 minute skype coaching session if you want some help to get your spark back! You will go away from this with a new idea, action step, tip or even answer to what’s up.

Brain fuzz, forgetfulness and the fabulousness of brain re-wiring at mid-life!

By | health & well-being, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Are you a capable mid-life woman whose brain sometimes feels like fuzz?

Being in my late 40’s, still menstruating but feeling like I’m transitioning into some new territory, I was relieved the other day to read the wisdom of my favourite woman author, gynaecologist and energy medicine expert Christiane Northrup in her book the Wisdom of Menopause.

Put simply, in midlife, our brain goes “fuzz”.  We forget things.  We feel as if we have lost our mind sometimes.  And yes we undergo mid-life “rewiring”.  Phew, I know I’m not going crazy and it’s just part of the course!

our of order

But “part of the course” to what I ask?

Yes our brain gets rewired due to the changing hormonal climate and that contributes to that mind-fuzz and the emotional curves, outbreaks and anxiety we often feel with greater intensity when we in our late 40’s and early 50’s.  Do smashing glasses, high volume rants and growing impatience sound familiar?  It does for me, and it all feels so out of character!

But the great thing about this (and sometimes terrifying thing for some) is that this change is helping us transition from fitting society’s and family’s demands on us as a woman, to that of our soul’s demands and yearnings to finally tend to ourselves– away from the nurturing of others, to the nurturing of oneself!  Yes “me time” stuff!   But this rewiring is bigger than simply taking a little time out from life’s demands to spending time doing something for YOU.

From the words of Christiane,  “At midlife, the hormonal milieu that was present for only a few days each month during most of your reproductive years, the milieu that was designed to spur you on to re-examine your life just a little at a time, now gets stuck in the “on” position for weeks or months at a time.  We go from an alternating current of inner wisdom to a direct current that remains on all the time after menopause is complete. During menopause, our brains make the change from one way of being to the other.”

It’s a time when our intuition becomes key (because our mind isn’t working!!!) and also a time when a lot of “past” comes up – for better or worse to reexamine (great time to get some supportive coaching!) and we are literally being re-wired for something else – indeed some new territory and perhaps a new way of being.

So what is this new territory?

I like how she Christiane puts it.  “As a woman enters menopause, she steps out of the primarily child-bearing, care-taking role that was hormonally scripted for her life…Rather she become freer to choose where she will direct her creative energies, freer to “colour outside the lines”…Some women funnel this heightened energy into new businesses and new careers.  Some discover and cultivate artistic talents they never knew they had.  Some women note a surge in their sexual desire, to heights never before experienced in their lives.”

So worry about the brain-fuzz or what you have forgotten, or focus on this being a great time to mother yourself, expand your intuitive powers and redefine how you want to spend the next years of your life with more zing and purpose.  It will reveal itself with more clarity…not immediately, but as part of that journey.

Slowing down. Who me? What would others think?

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own rhythms

 

I’m so in love with this quote that really talks about living to the beat of our own drum.  Going at a pace that suits us, not someone else’s.  Taking on stuff that we want to do, not what we feel we have to do.  Slowing down sometimes, or perhaps even all of the time.

Already I can feel the guilt that might be circulating around your mind and your body when you think about abandoning your superwoman cape for a more peaceful, restful and more energized way of living.

Yes, as women, there is so much pressure to be on supercharge all of the time – at home, with your family, in your business and of course all of those other roles and activities you have accumulated and still “hold onto” lest you been seen to be unproductive or even downright lazy!

Yes society rewards us for being busy, but busy-ness has its consequences.

Busyness and not living to the beat of our own drum impacts our body as it collapses in a heap or gets sick to finally take some welcomed “time out”.

  • Busyness denies us of getting close and intimate with people we care about. They are often “hanging out” for our company but we deny them of such preciousness, preferring to keep our apron on and “head down butt up” way of doing things.
  • Busyness denies us of enjoying pleasures that we would desperately love to do.  Why is that we put so-called “work” up the list well and truly before things we love to do and that would make us sing?
  • So how about taking some time out of your busy day to comtemplate these three questions?
  1. How do I feel about saying “no” doing less and/or relinquishing some of my “responsibilities”?
  2. What are the benefits to me and others and to my health, confidence, life….of doing less?
  3. What activities, people and things am I prepared to let go of to give me more time, energy, balance and life satisfaction?

Here’s to slowing down to a pace that feels right for you!

If you love what you’ve been reading, Living to the Beat of your own Rhythms is one of the Somebody Beautiful way of living lessons in a 12 week online retreat and/or retreat plus VIP coaching programme.

You can start anytime, from anywhere.   Love yourself enough to get started today.   www.janellefletcher.com/thank-you 

With heartaches & pain, is acceptance or change easier?

By | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, spirituality, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

My partner, the other night, came out with something profound. “Sometimes it’s easier to change, than accept the situation.”

Referring to the situation where his wife left him suddenly for another man and the devastating pain he went through afterwards and the subsequent time and healing that has occurred and is still ocurring, he came out with this gem.

Being a Taurus, he’s a change-maker. He sees something that needs done or that needs “fixing” and he’s off like a bull at a gate. Being more of a doer, and less of a sentimental, “fall into a heap type” person, this profound revelation is very much him. For you it might not seem quite that easy, but I do think there’s some gold in here for all of us.

Somethings we cannot easily accept a situation, but we can take even the “incy-wincy” steps to change something and that very step may, in fact, be easier.  How about these examples.

You feel fat, and perhaps you are indeed a little on the “porky” side.

Not accepting that “fact” means you might stay in constant angst, keep up the self-belittling, be in pain, deny yourself of going out and doing what you want to do, exhaust your mental energy…(and the list goes on!) when in fact a small focus on change might be more productive and more satisfying.  A simple walk, a glass of nourishing smoothie rather than a piece of cake, a change in belief, a phone call with a mentor or a new yoga class that would fill your soul might be better.

Your man/partner/lover has just left you or you’re about to throw in the towel on a relationship.

Feeling and knowing your soul’s yearning for love, it might indeed by difficult to accept the fact that your partner has gone (and “done what he’s done!” I can hear you saying!) or to accept that despite the logistics or reasons for staying in the relationship, you know your soul is calling you to end it.  Difficult to accept?  Yes.  But change might in fact be easier.  That step of change might be, for you, surrounding yourself with some positive friends, upping your self-care and self love rituals, honouring the good, bad and uglies of the relationship and forgiving your self first and foremost for a part you may have played in the situation.  Initiating change starts with “I’, not “H” for him!

You have been through some body change or transition.  eg. mastectomy, losing your hair, disability, changing body function, menopausal changes, aging… For a women, her body is her temple, and for the temple to change, this can often feel like a sobering and very deep and even sacred scarring. Yes, by all means grieve for what has been.  Yes by all means, find new ways of loving and appreciating who you are and what you do have.  And yes, be in gratitude for the amazing way your body adapts to it its changing nature or function.  These are all steps of change in fact, which may one day allow gradual acceptance to shine through those difficult day moments of darkness.

The word change, intrinsically, holds the “charge” or energy of shift, movement, and a state of flux or even imbalance.  But maybe you’re afraid of change, and therefore just go into “accepting mode” or perhaps more aptly put “victim mode” or “I’ll lay the blame on someone or something else for the way my life looks”.  This acceptance of what has been an intolerable or perhaps a purely unpleasant situation without taking some proactive steps to climb out of “what was” to “what can be” can be damn difficult, debilitating or damaging to your spirit.

What are you choosing?  Acceptance or change?

 

 

 

How to meet (or leave!) your soul mate! (Part One!)

By | manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

I have this uncanny ability to meet soul mates. In fact I’ve met 2, perhaps even 4!  But let me start with No. 1!

The day I met my first husband, I knew that I was going to marry him.  Not because I was attracted to him physically or sexually, but he oozed a calmness considering his wife had just been killed and he was a beautiful dad to his 3 girls.  And that first night at the Paul McCartney concert when I met him, the sky literally opened up with diamonds in the final song.  “It’s him!” I heard.  Weird but true.  We got engaged 6 weeks later and married after 6 months.

Lesson No 1.   You may not necessarily be initially attracted to your soul mate, but something within you says “YES”.

After just a few weeks of meeting my soon to be husband, his wife who had died visited me in spirit. Yes my first ever experience of that! She talked to me.  I heard her well as she invited me to take on her children as my own. This felt right in my heart, so I honoured that.

Lesson No 2.   You may hear something from the “divine” realm that says that you are to be with this person.  The “Divine” brings messages in many ways.  Perhaps you have seen this person before, noticed his name, seen a picture of him somewhere or even in a dream, or something that they say “rings a bell” or evokes a memory in you…

After a beautiful partnership and bringing 3 more children into the world, my soul started dying and I knew I had to honour that.  My mind said, “Stay in the marriage” and “I can’t possible do this to my 6 kids”, but my soul knew otherwise.  I left my soul mate after 14 years of marriage because I could no longer be “soul-dead”, nor could I inflict my low energy, lack of love and intimacy and such unfairness on my husband.

Lesson 3.   We can also care about someone but still leave that soul mate partnership, because we care about ourselves AND them!  Sometimes leaving is actually an act of love.

Let’s back up a minute.  A few months before leaving my marriage, I went for healing to help me make the transition out of my marriage and “break-up” of the family easier on everyone. Fully relaxed, I saw 3 images which made my reason for being in this soul-mate partnership very apparent.  The first image was of a young girl crying out “Mum, don’t leave me!”  My youngest daughter who was the same age came to mind.  We are very connected and perhaps she already knew something was about to occur.  The second image was that of an American woman Joni Earickson- who had a spinal injury and was a fabulous singer.  In fact I used to play her “Christian” songs on the piano as I was growing up.  It was apparent that what was being revealed was not about my youngest daughter.  It was of my second daughter who I took on as my own and who had suffered a spinal injury in the same crash.  The third image was the sound and words of one of Joni’s songs which I used to play.  “It is well with my soul.”

My message was there!   “Janelle, you were there in that soul-partnership to bring up those 3 girls you had taken on as your own, bring them into adulthood and it is now “well with their souls”.  As I left my marriage, the third of those girls chose to leave home unexpectantly, but divinely lead I believe.

Lesson 4.   We are in soul-partnerships for a certain amount of time and for a certain reason.  Sometimes that reason is only revealed in hindsight.

So on leaving my marriage, I was humbled to my car, my 6 kids (3 at home still) and $1000.  It was the year of the recession.  Single womanhood was new to me and it lasted 6 years until I found my new soul mate (or might I add that I met one in between!)  That’s another story…(so keep following!).  But here’s the final lesson for today.

Lesson 5.  Sometimes we have to have time on our own  and do the “hard yards” for our new soul mate to come in Divine timing and for the Diving reason.  Learning self love (unreliant on love from someone else) in the meantime is often the “soul calling” that you need to learn.   A hard lesson, but an incredibly important one.  More on that later in my next blog!

If you are single (or even in a partnership, and/or perhaps even wanting to leave) and these lessons have resonated with you today, my somebody beautiful coaching and/or retreat could be something for you – because the foundations of my work with you is self love, spiritual connection, soul nourishment, listening to your body and your gut and having passion in your life….all of the juicy stuff that can bring your soul partner to you!   Check out www.somebodybeautiful.com and feel free to email me at janelle@janellefletcher.com  for a complimentary 20 minute skype session to get you started.

Visit someBODY BEAUTIFUL’s profile on Pinterest.

Do women really want to be in love?

By | body love & body image, relationships, intimacy & sex, Written Articles | No Comments

Do you think women say that want to be in love, but truthfully they don’t really want love, relationship and intimacy and what that takes, or they’ve simply given up on “finding or falling in love”? Seems ironic but I start to wonder sometimes.  So a question to you:

What is the hardest thing about being in love or considering a loving relationship again? This can be an observation about others – your girlfriends, female family members, colleague… or of course your own valuable experience and opinion.

Here a few of my ideas as starters.

  1. Women struggle often with loving their body, so how the hang do they feel comfortable sharing it in a more intimate relationship?
  2. Love requires time and presence. Many women are simply too busy and stressed and prioritise other things.
  3. Many women settle for second best and tolerate that kind of relationship. Not a great rock to sit on and it’s often the rock that stays in the way of finding an awesome relationship/partner/love experience that you would really feel excited by.
  4. Social media and dating sites set up a “you’re for me or not for me” game where you feel like you’re a number to be judged and :”flicked off”. It’s often debilitating and it’s easier hiding in the four walls.
  5. Being in an authentic relationship is not always easy. Having honest open discussions can bring up all sorts of stuff to look at in yourself. Relationships are not for the feint-hearted.

    What else ladies? And gentlemen?

10 reasons for women to get out of overwhelm, juggling and imbalance

By | health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Are you a woman who’s experiencing overwhelm, juggling, exhaustion and imbalance? Here’s 10 reasons for YOU to get out of stress, overwhelm and heartache and get YOUR spark back.

Why join the somebody beautiful movement of women?
1. Because you deserve to be up your priority list.
2. Because being busy “superwoman” is exhausting and often unfulfilling.
3. Because being a vibrant woman is highly attractive.
4. Because it’s no point or fun “doing it all on your own.”
5. Because hating your body is draining. In fact it’s downright painful and harmful.
6. Because going at someone’s speed or trying to be like them isn’t helpful.
7. Because holding onto old pain and secrets keeps you stuck, unwell and unhappy.
8. Because indulging in your real desires gives you energy.
9. Because self-love, body confidence and intimate love energises you to go out and love life.
10. Because you get back your sense of purpose and can make your difference in the world.

Which 3 of these 10 ideas resonate with you the most? Share on the somebody beautiful community facebook page.

Want some help to do that or know of women who could really do with a good dose of self-love and body confidence, putting themselves up the list, being less busy , less stressed and being happier and more “in love”?

Here are 3 free ways you can be part of the somebody beautiful movement.
1. Share this post with your women friends and family members today and invite them to head to www.somebodybeautiful.com  and put in their details to be in the draw to win a free somebody beautiful way of living retreat.  While you’re there, check out the success stories / praise from other women!
2. Join our somebody beautiful facebook community for free inspiration and support.
3. Email me  at janelle@janellefletcher.com to book a free 20 minute skype coaching session if you want some help to get your spark back! You will go away from this with a new idea, action step, tip or even answer to what’s up.