Written Articles

Apr 08

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5 ways to be a happy and energised mum again!

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“When you become a mother, YOU go out the door!” is what I heard her say with her body looking a little exhausted and her eyes looking a little despairingly as she made this comment.

“Going out the door!” meant that she no longer has time for herself, she runs ragged after her children and possibly her husband, she juggles work and home life commitments and she’s possibly last in the “money-to-be spent-on-one’s-own-pleasures” queue.

Being a mother of many myself with my inbuilt wiring to care, this running around, rescuing and running ragged tendency often left me feeling shattered – often with a slight glassy edge to this feeling of exhaustion mixed with a pinch of envy and resentment. I also craved some validation or a would-be-welcomed “Hey, let’s do something for you!” sentiment from those around me.

This woman even mentioned that she hadn’t got anything for her birthday for some time apart from someone who spontaneously gave her something. My response was this.

WE teach people how to treat us. Stop blaming them!

Ouch! Yes, we are often the reason that we are not up the queue. If you feel like you “went out the door” when you became a mother, what have you been teaching your nearest and dearest about how to treat you? And are you not more gorgeous when you have passion and energy in your tank?

Here are some typical things we as mothers and lovers say and do.

We declare, “Oh, don’t worry about getting me a present! It’s OK!” when we would love the gift of our wildest dreams and be pampered till we felt heavenly.
We sign our kids up for yet another sport or activity – making sure we’ve scraped together the money, while we continue to have no interest of our own, nor pay for even the smallest indulgence we would love. What does that teach our nearest and dearest?
We watch hubby head off for Friday or Saturday night’s drinks with his mates and stay once again in the “roost” caring for the kids, dog or four walls. What would stop us asking for a “date night”?
We put intimacy aside for other exhausting, juggling and busy activities thinking they’re more urgent. Imagine what fire we’d have in our belly again if we felt truly and intimately loved and loving!
We eat the last piece of cake, if and only when there is some left. (Literally and figuratively I might add!)

So what are some ways we can piece ourselves back together as mothers to feel whole, happy, energised and feeling like we count?

Say “no” to one thing this week for someone else, and say “yes” to one thing for you.
Dress well for no special reason. It always makes us feel good. Today I’ve wandered around my little “farm” with my loveliest new dress on. In fact I purchased it from the shop where I met this woman who inspired this writing! In honour to you my darling!
Re-ignite an interest this week (let’s call it an A.D activity = After Delivery (babies!) – an activity or pleasure that has been extinguished for a while, or perhaps not enjoyed since B.C. (Before Children)
Wear your loveliest of perfume even when you go to bed. Nothing like feeling indulgent, pleasured, and less than bedraggled when you flop into bed. Sensual things make all the difference to our mood and energy!
Stop the blame game and know that YOU’re the piece in the puzzle that will piece YOU back together! Happy jig-sawing!

Mar 30

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Are you emotionally curvy or a flat-liner?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

We are being told to embrace our womanly curves, but when it comes to emotions, we are expected to be constant – or I call it a “straight line” or perhaps a better word is “flat-lined”.

Our partners may get confronted by our curvy emotional ups and downs and our kids may not understand us when we swing from the chandalier of occasional mood outbursts. (usually pre-empted by dampening our emotions or personal needs, ignoring them or blocking their expression!) Our workplace reminds us to “keep everything together” and get on with the job at hand and society tells us to dampen our “curvy” menstrual cycle (yes it’s a cycle, not a straight line!) with contraceptives, medical treatments or other means to get rid of the “problem”.

Why would we deny us and our lives of our curves and cycles? How boring is life when we are flat-lined? What would joy look like if we hadn’t experienced the enormity of grief and change? What would happen to our relationships should we stay on “mediocre heat” rather than burn with a little passion and teeter in a little non-passion now and then? And I know for sure, that many women’s health complaints – particularly related to fertility, menopause, depression, unhappiness, exhaustion….and the list goes on – there is often an imbalance created by trying to be constantly driving, striving, achieving, in control and all with a constant smile on our face, even when we are quietly seething underneath, feeling less than productive, less than successful or with no juice in the tank.

Take nature, for example. We enjoy summer even more following a cold winter. We can’t go surfing if there is only an in-rush of the tide and not an out-going one. We have a day and a night for a reason. One to get us out there “making hay while the sun shines” and another to not be so out there, unless of course you’re doing a great night out dancing or celebrating!

Our menstrual cycle is in two phases too. And by crikey, why are we not listening to this gorgeous natural guidance? After our period, it’s time to get out there, meet people and get things done.(very oestrogen dominant – in my mind the more masculine of the two key hormones oestrogen and progesterone.) The second phase is after ovulation (your fertile time) and this phase offers you the time to go back into the “nest” a little, be a little less giving to others and more receptive ourselves and it’s the time to really take notice of those heightened, and some might say out of control emotions! They may feel out of control, but jeepers they are giving you such clarity about what is and isn’t going well in your life. What better life coach can you get? Take notice of what those emotions are saying for you to act upon, let go of, start, finish or heal…and they will come up less next time round to “bite you in the bum,” and life will feel a whole lot happier when you use those monthly wake-up calls to guide you into what to do/not do. And for many women, their PMT, menstrual, menopausal and women’s health issues also start to wane.

So 4 more observations I have had lately about emotional curves.

If we are someone with really high and low emotions and we are in partnership with someone who is flat-lined, we don’t often “meet” / connect. Food for thought.
High and low emotional states need not be scary, if you reframe them as a great guidance system.
Emotions get let out/expressed somehow even if you are a flat-liner. Non-expression of emotions is like shaking up a bottle of coke and not taking the lid off. One day it will spew over everyone, or otherwise stay under wraps by being dampened down by some mind-numbing, body-numbing and probably soul-numbing substance or activity.
People don’t spend enough time in the heightened and very natural emotions of joy, exhilaration, burning passion, ecstasy, desire, pride…

So here’s to embracing my curves! And you?

Mar 11

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How to beat exhaustion and walk to the beat of your own rhythms

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Having sat in traffic for 2 hours yesterday and also noticed my ϋber-full diary especially in the past couple of weeks with packing boxes for a house-move and kids sports practices and social commitments revving up, I went to bed last night exhausted and woke up feeling the same – unrested, tired and not really up to completing another day like yesterday.
Yes I have been known to play superwoman much of my life – tearing around at great speed filling up my diary, goal planner and “caring-for-others-responsibility-list”. Yes some of that has made me happy – let’s call that being fulfilled. But in all honesty, much of it has simply filled my life, not fulfilled it, nor has it left me feeling consistently energised – even though I usually look very “got-it-together”, energetic and extremely capable. The adrenaline has kicked in when I’ve needed it, but my adrenals have suffered, and running my “engine” with little oil, water and petrol and still trying to get somewhere in this body of mine has become my modus operandi – and not a good one I might add!
So what I get is this. We each have a personal drum that we beat our stick on, and it pays to listen to that beat and ask ourselves, “Is it one that feels good in my body, or not?
When out of sync with our natural rhythms – our natural personality type, (not an identity we’ve assumed along the way!) body type, personal menstrual cycle and even the cycle of the moon, as examples) we are prone to certain things. Here’s what springs to mind.
• Exhaustion and burnout
• That “stressed out feeling” and all the physical ills that come from that
• Menstrual problems and women’s health issues
• Ranting and raving at the kids, husband or the dog
• Insomnia – yes I am a good one at this!
• And loads of other ills that I know you will recognise!
But most importantly I am learning that when I am not walking to the beat of my own natural rhythms and instead living to the beat of my own “sergeant major” or to someone else’s beat, I feel unhappy, restless and unfulfilled, and sometimes even a little depressed.
So what am I personally doing at the moment to beat exhaustion, up my energy and create a good feeling in my soul?
• Saying “no” to things that are killing my spirit, even if that means I look less responsible, reliable or loyal even. I ask myself, “Is what I am doing simply filling up my diary, or fulfilling my soul?” If it is a step in the direction of me feeling more fulfilled, I do it. If not, it gets left by the wayside – even if others who have depended on me in the past feel let down and my identity as “super-woman” gets squashed.

• Lifestyle change Yes, one morning recently I spontaneously decided to leave urban life and head to the country. The moment I set foot up the driveway in the new place, I knew this would be a place for healing and “re-charging” my batteries and creating a simpler life that my soul has been craving for.
• Taking moments each day to do nothing. Amidst the packing boxes, I choose to stop now and then. Amidst the busy work schedule, I choose to sit when I get home before getting into the next task at hand. And I banish the belief, that I am only “something” when I am doing something!
• I honour my menstrual cycle. When I feel the pain in my belly, I remember to sit and nurture myself. When I feel the emotions arising in my pre-menstrual body, I gently allow those emotions to express themselves. When I feel energised in my new cycle, I use this to be creative and productive. And I bring my body back to an “at peace with myself” beat by sitting still, breathing deeply, letting out a sigh and letting in a smile.
What’s your step today to walk more to the beat of your own natural rhythms?

Feb 22

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How to stop wallowing in your weight / wait

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Having struggled many years ago – in fact a good 11 years of my teenage and early adult life, I struggled with intense body loathing and self hate, not to mention a real wallowing in depression.

And over the years I learned that self love, self care and body wonderment (rather than wallowing in my body woes – which I could have done through my subsequent years of infertility, miscarriages, health challenges and tiredness from playing superwoman for too long!) are the keys to consistently feeling good about me and my body, and therefore getting the “results’ I want. eg. vibrancy, energy, intimacy, feel good about me feeling, getting ahead in my business…

But yesterday, and in fact all of last week, I caught myself in that long-gone, yet familiar feeling of wallowing – feeling quite futile in my efforts, tired physically, going back to some very long-gone random eating and drinking habits, and that general depressive feeling that was so familiar to me for years, but which I have managed to curtail for many thereafter.

This wallowing made me feel 10kg heavier and very unattractive suddenly, and I know this is a familiar feeling for many women (perhaps you!), yet it is far from the truth. Here’s what I asked myself?

Am I heavy / heavier? No.
Am I unattractive? No.
Is my sudden random eating about needing food? No.
What’s going on then?

I came to the realization it was about a consistent life pattern of mine of feeling like I have to wait forever for something. As a teen, I had to wait to finally find a boyfriend while everyone else seemed to have one. I had to wait to have a family. I had to wait for many years to become anything in business. I had to wait for some of my good ideas to finally come to fruition. I had to wait to get known for the good service I do offer women. I had to wait a long time after my divorce to finally meet my new gorgeous man. And yes he was worth waiting for!

So what I get is this.

When I am waiting, I tend to wallow in my weight – or at least feel like it. Astounding that overnight you can suddenly feel 10kg heavier when they truth is you’re not. It’s about seeing the truth, not the lie of the feeling.

Weight issues are not really about food or eating or the numbers on the scale. They are about issues of the soul and sometimes the soul requires us to go through “waiting” periods for the perfect outcome to occur. We need patience and we need to connect with our spirit as to what that’s all about!

If I am waiting for something, (business to take off, the new house to be found, the money to come into the bank…), then I am missing out on something now that could be a hang of a lot of fun, and potentially a useful experience or person that you need in your life. That happened to me the other night when I turned down an invitation because of my wallowing in my weight/wait.

Compassion for myself and commitment to self love is key. Not judging this recent experience. Not beating myself up for a few days of randomness and wallowing. Being vigilant about self-care, nurturing and doing things I enjoy now.

Trust in the perfection of Divine Timing. My “wait” is my logic telling me I need something now, and “what’s the hurry about anyway?” Divine Timing also gives me what I need, not necessarily what I want.

So I sit happily in my wait today…even when my computer crashed on me this morning…knowing that all is well.

Feb 08

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The 5 top diseases of modern women and how to heal them

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, spirituality, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

I may be wrong in calling them diseases, especially in the sense of medical terminology, but here are what I consider the top diseases (as in not at ease!) of modern women.

1. Lack of self love

2. Poor body confidence and trust in their bodies

3. Forgetting their beautiful inner feminine gifts and instead, living what I call the “masculine way of being”

4. Soul malnourishment – in favour of filling up with an over-stressed, busy schedule

5. Spiritual disconnection

Again and again in my work with women dealing with eating, weight, fertility, miscarriage loss, relationship, intimacy and no-passion-in-life issues, these 5 diseases tend to underlie all of their woes.

Imagine instead of dieting, racing off for some more medication or “treatment”, starting yet another “soon to fail” exercise regime, finding yet another bloke on find someone or trying to resurrect a relationship by mentally working out what needs working on….there might just be another answer or way of being that will heal things from the core, not just band-aid the difficult situation.

Here are what have been my answers and what has helped a lot of women get through their health, body and life challenges and to refind their mojo. They also just happen to be the 5 foundations of my somebody beautiful way of living 12 week retreat programme and also what forms the basis of my one-on-one VIP coaching/healing programme. More to come on that at www.janellefletcher.com

1. Reigniting self love, self belief, self value and self care through your thoughts, words and actions.

2. Getting to the core of where you lost trust in your body and rediscovering your personal power to know what you and your body needs, and knowing that it is self-healing and self-revealing.

3. Learning to slow down, simplify, use your intuition and rediscover compassion, gentleness and a softly powerful way of relating to yourself, your body and all aspects of your life.

4. Soul Nourishment – this is about activities, people and pleasures that fill your soul, not just your diary! Learning to say yes to things that light you up, and no to things that kill your spirit.

5. Connecting within to your greatness – that could be with Spirit, God, your Higher self, someone in soul or what I call your “inner marvellousness”. It is with Spirit and in stillness that you will find your answers and experience the peace in yourself, in your body and in your life situation and things WILL begin to look brighter!

Nov 18

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Feeling shattered or struggling? 5 question to ask yourself to “fill up your glass” again

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I am noticing how many people around me lately are feeling shattered to the core, as if they’ve been rocked by “deep-to-the-soul” overwhelm and despair. To me, it’s not about the impending Christmas hustle and bustle. It’s not even about the end of year exams, busy business period or social commitments. It’s more about an internal struggle with themselves – knowing their path, but finding obstacle upon obstacle blocking their way, being committed to something and not having the means to do it and an overall feeling of physical, emotional and deeply spiritual shattered-ness. Faith is challenged. Finances may be tested. Family pressures are fueled and fiery reactions or depressive-tendencies rear their head. It’s like people are broken into too many fragments, to feel they will ever have a full glass of hope, peace, or resolution of their hardships or struggles some time soon.

So being one who is presently experiencing some of my own shattered-ness from being overstretched at the moment and having transitioned through many changes this year, I am asking myself these questions which I offer you also to help you “mend” and fill up your glass/tank again with re-newed energy, hope and some “movement”.

1. What does my soul need right now in this moment?

2. Who can I call upon for some help? – someone alive or someone who has passed.

3. What do I need to do to put my own needs first right now, rather that attending to others?

4. What is this struggle and shattered-ness teaching me?

5. Who am I grateful to for teaching me this?

Sit quietly with these questions. Whatever the answers are, take one action today. And in the words of something I saw today which encouraged me,

” Weep not for what is passing…Rejoice for what is coming”.

On that note, go out and encourage someone today who is feeling or looking somewhat shattered! They will appreciate you for helping them “top up their glass.”

Nov 10

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Hot secrets for you to reignite your inner sexy even if you are single or feel like you are

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Has it been a while since you felt sexy, sassy and loving the lusciousness of an intimate relationship? Want your spark back, whether you are single or feel like you are in a bit of a drab relationship?

For many women, their fire has gone out and only the ashes remain following separation, divorce, death of their partner, a string of bad relationships, bad internet dating experiences or still finding themselves single. So how can we reignite our inner sexy, sensuality, and sassiness whether we have a loving partner or not and why should we even bother?

First let’s start with the why! We love it, we feel good, we feel hot, we love romance, we yearn for the closeness of good sex, we are sensual, touchy-feely people, the feel good hormones respond to some good loving, and we feel more alive. Great reasons! So now how about the how?

Sexiness is an outside job as well as an inside job. Don’t keep your best clothes, or your favourite perfume, for a special occasion. Why not wear your best dress to work or your favourite sexiest jeans to the dentist or your most colourful top and most gorgeous perfume to the school show? Ban black and wear more colour. Wear textures that feel and look good. Attend to your personal care and appearance. You don’t have to be donning over-the-top make-up or spend hours in front of the mirror, but why not attire and adorn yourself in things that make you feel gorgeously feminine? Stop hiding beneath your layers, and start emerging out of your cocoon into a more colourful you and a more colourful life!

Use your body. When we feel unsexy, our body shows it in the way we hold ourselves, move and groove. The “mind-set” way of thinking would have us mantra-ing “I am beautiful, sexy and all the rest”, but I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me on its own. When I experiment with the way I move, groove, dance, make love and all that good stuff, I know that emBODYing sexiness is the key. I don’t mean learning the latest Beyonce moves. I do mean “feeling sexiness” in my body by deliberately choosing stances, postures and movements that have me feeling hot! This also gets us out of that “frozen stuckness” (some would call it frigidity) in our body, which can happen when we simply don’t feel attractive.

Light more candles. I don’t know about you but candles make me feel hot. In my single days, I lit them every night making the mood in my house feel lighter and brighter. Make a tasty candle-lit meal with aromatic spices and invite someone round. Picnic more on the floor. Sleep next to the fire. For most of us women, we enjoy warmth. Find great textures to snuggle up with. Feel the sun on your skin. Enjoy a spa, sauna, massage or pleasurable pamper. No it doesn’t need to cost the earth. Invite a friend to give you a hand-rub or back massage in the comfort of your own home. Share the love!

Throw away some sexual taboos. Much of our beliefs have come from other influences like our parents, the school we went to, the church, our peers and others we have mixed with. Perhaps it’s time now to decide for yourself what is kosha or not when it comes to sexual and sensual things. Start having some conversations on topics once thought of as hush-hush. Give yourself permission to explore the unknown. Uncover your real inner secret desires and go for it. Why tie up your desires that can’t wait to be unleashed?

Sexual and intimacy experiences of past relationships need not be the same this time round. It would be easy to assume that future experiences of relationship, sex and love will be based on what has occurred in the past. Dangerous thinking! Every new person in your life is different and offer you different opportunities for your growth and learning, and theirs! It does however pay to recognise what worked and what didn’t work in the past, and what part you played in that. No blaming here! It is also worth noticing the patterns you have created when it comes to love, passion and intimacy – in other words what pushes your buttons – hot ones and not so hot ones. It takes courage to respond differently this time round…so grab some courage, take a “leap of faith” and make a commitment to having great sexual and intimate experiences beyond what you have experienced before by responding differently.

SEX – is not just about love-making. It is about Self EXpression. Don’t try and mould yourself into something you are not. Find your inner sexy – what turns you on creatively, what turns you on socially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, politically, financially….and everything else –ly! When you Self Express yourself –showing your real juicy self, your world changes and suddenly you will find yourself with the person of your dreams, or rev up your current relationship, or ditch the old outworn one or find yourself quite contentedly doing life single-ly.

Oct 28

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Are you nibbling the crumbs or having your cake and eating it?

By admin | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Are you nibbling the crumbs or ‘having your cake and eating it’ in life? How often do you accept less than what you can have on your plate – literally and figuratively?

Here are some examples of how nibbling the crumbs rather than cake-indulging may look in YOUR life!

Your kids, husband, family members or people you live with spend hours each week doing stuff they love. You slot “me time” in only after you have driven the others somewhere, attended their activity or done the housework!
You serve everyone at the table before yourself, buy something at the cafe for the others but don’t have anything yourself, you calorie count everything rather than giving your body the nourishment it needs, or you order the least expensive plate on the menu while others choose exactly what they want.
Money goes on the bills first, then on others and lastly on you. Others have new clothes, for example, and you are still wearing your stock-standard classics from years back.
Everyone else in the house has an interest or two. You don’t think it’s possible to head out mid-week to attend a class, have a social night out or pursue an interest or sport. After all who would look after everyone and how would you fit everything in?
You wait for ” Mr Right” or “Mrs Right” to come along and miss the opportunities of what “people in the meantime” might offer you. Or you settle for second, third or even 100th best in the “relationship” department.
You are waiting for something in the future to occur (eg kids leaving home, retirement, enough money, lotto win, better health…) before you “indulge” in some of your pleasures.
Think of your own examples…A clue here is thinking about the things you feel that you are “missing out on” (crumbs) while others have it all, or appear to! (the cake)

Here is some food for thought for us generous, giving, selfless, motherly, hard-working and often martyr-like women. Yes I too am often guilty of nibbling on crumbs!

Guilt creates ill-feeling – literally and figuratively. We don’t feel content, and we don’t get what we want. We also get ‘sick”. The predominant emotion of martyrdom is resentment. Both guilt and resentment eat away at our spirit and energy levels and we become not fun to be around!
Nourishing ourselves with good food and drink is important for our energy levels. Stop restricting, denying, overindulging, calorie counting or being excessive. Listen to your body’s cues for hunger, thirst, rest, sleep, sex, pleasure, creative urge…
Money is about flow. When we learn to spend money on ourselves and things we love, we naturally “light up” and attract all sorts of things, people and experiences into our lives. We become like a magnet.
Denying ourselves of pleasurable things, interests, experiences or avenues for creativity and self expression is like a slow death of our spirit.
Be Mrs (or Mr) Right for someone. This comes easily when your own pleasure needs are met because you are not waiting for the other person to make you happy. You are happy anyway!
You can’t go back in time, but you can determine how your time now and in the future is spent. Regrets are never positive. Instead of regrets, how about a good dose of selfish indulgence? (better labelled as self-giving indulgence.)
Doing everything for everybody but yourself is poor tithing! As my partner’s t-shirt reads, “I give 110% to everything. 100% to myself. 10% to others.” Perhaps this is more effective and happiness-making tithing!

“Let us eat cake.”

Oct 20

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Your “running away” or ending something may not be an act of cowardice

By admin | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

Running away from something or someone is not necessarily an act of cowardice. It may in fact be your greatest act of courage.

“My relationship finished and I ended up travelling to the other side of the world. My friends told me I was “running away”.

“I felt like my soul was dying in my marriage, so instead of going to counselling, I told him I was leaving.”

“I worked for 10 years towards creating some kind of success in my self-employment. I’ve tried all sorts of things, nothing really worked that well and I’m about to call it quits.”

I have given up hope in the medical system. I’ve decided I’m not going through with more invasive treatment for my cancer, and I know there’s something else out there better for me.”

“I’ve spent all this money on my training, but do you know what? It just doesn’t feel like me and I’ve decided to go do a different course.”

Any of these sound familiar? Something has come to an end and people’s reactions, and perhaps your own logical point of view, say that you’re running away – as if you have done something wrong, you have no “stickability” or that you are a downright failure!

A woman shared with me recently that her relationship ended and she decided to go travelling to the opposite side of the world. As she landed in this country, she stepped out of the plane and onto the tarmac. Her immediate reaction was she felt like she had “come home”. She had experienced the condemnation of well-meaning people back home that she was running from her recent split and that she was somehow abandoning her post-loss-and-grief “responsibilities” back home. My reaction to her comment when she arrived here feeling so “at home”, was that was she had indeed run towards her soul’s calling of “home” and that she would find what she needed here, not there!

When after numbers of years of marriage I had this internal soul-ache and in fact, soul-death feeling about my marriage, I honoured that ache, and left my husband. His attempts to “mend” the relationship issues by suggesting we go to counselling felt empty to me, for my soul was asking for healing and honouring of its calling, no matter how illogical and unreasonable it felt to break apart a family with six children and no matter how logical it felt to get some “tangible” help. It was in the healing once I had honoured that decision when I received very clear images of why I had been put in that marriage and why I had left. My role had been completed – having taken on my husband’s three children following the death of his first wife, having been visited by her in spirit asking me to “take her girls on as my own”, having birthed another three children together and with the older girls having become independent women. I was put in that marriage to bring those three oldest girls into adulthood following the death of their mum, more than be “partner” to my husband. (Mother rather than lover, I called it!) My subsequent grief from my broken marriage was healed by knowing I had done my role and I had done it well and to completion. The next part of my soul and ‘going solo’ journey was to begin a new chapter for me and the remaining three children (and the chance of a new lover, more than mother relationship!)

For those of you who have been through training or worked towards a career or self-employment path and feel like it’s coming or has come to an end – whether by choice or not – leaving it is not necessarily “running away”. It may well be the final straw that is required for you to really find your passion, a new niche or find a better means of contributing to the world and to make your mark. No “apprenticeship” is ever wasted. Your inner desire to leave is probably your important direction post!

For those of you who have been struggling with unwellness and feel there are other means of “treating” your health, this is not “running away.” It may be your body’s inherent wisdom and the calling of your soul to “venture towards” other alternative avenues – ones that will open up very different possibilities and opportunities to you.

Running away is not always cowardice. In my experience, such an act can be the most courageous feat you have ever done and such an act of honouring your internal calling rather than blindly following what the external world thinks you should do.

For those of you who have come to an end of something – be that friendships, family relationships, commitments to clubs or organisations, or whatever, ask yourself “is this a cowardice running away?” or is this a courageous running towards something for your greater good and that of others? I choose to focus on the second, because it helps relieve the grief that naturally occurs with stopping, ending, dying, relinquishing, transitioning, changing or leaving behind something or someone…and it helps me gain from the benefits of honouring that inner calling, whisper or shout that says “Run!” “It’s OK and you’ll be OK!”

Oct 13

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Run from grief or love it?

By admin | body love & body image, health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

When we are sitting in the “well of loss” – otherwise known as grief – we feel it, not just in our bodies, but in our souls. For some, it feels like an intense darkness and heaviness. For others it feels like paralysis. For some, it may feel like a gnawing or intense pain and often an intense loneliness and a feeling that we have become untouchable or unapproachable. Our pain may distance others who notice or even feel our pain, but who don’t know how to engage with us or who don’t want to be drawn into the “entanglement” or even unfamiliarity of such grief. Grief can be incredibly isolating. It may be we need our “own space” to heal and find life’s meaning again, or maybe we feel we have become someone “different” who even we may not recognise. We feel like we are strange or strangers to ourselves. At a soul level, we feel like we have died, or at least that we may never recover from such intensity of feelings and experience. We may be angry with questions – “Why me? Why this? Why now? What next?” and most of all “Who am I now?”
Grief could be from the loss of child or loved ones, infertility, miscarriage, abortion, loss associated with aging and ill-health, the loss of work, change in significant relationships or empty nest, changes in the family situation, disability, the loss of hope and in fact, anything that involves change – whether completely “out of the blue” or even planned or desired.
Grief creates change within our body, its systems and its ability to function and heal. It can “depress” our system – not just in the form of “depression”, but in the form of making our “system” sluggish. Take for example, our digestive system, when we don’t want to “digest” what has occurred in our life, or changes to our reproductive or hormonal system that can occur when we grieve. Our suppressed emotions can sit within our bodies as pain, discomfort and “stagnancy”. Grief can cause havoc on our mental clarity and can also be “shed” and even expelled through our body’s elimination system, perhaps in the form of irritations, outbreaks, diarrhoea or change in menstrual flow.
It makes sense therefore that we might want to run from grief, rather than love it! Society tells us we should dampen it with medication or numbing substances, we should “get over it” and we should suppress it rather than express it. Does this suppression however not create more un-wellness – physically, emotionally, mentally, creatively, socially, sexually and spiritually? How would it be if we:

saw grief as the healing agent rather than a “sickness”? If we expressed it, raged at it, got mad with it, sat in the agony of it, embraced it and even loved it, our body would be “naturally” releasing its feeling of loss, and perhaps even heal what preceded some of our pre-grief un-wellness, ill-health and stress-related stuff.
thanked grief for its opportunity to slow us down at times and give us the rest we need, and to propel us forward more quickly at other times?
used such an emotional roller-coaster to fuel our creativity and ignite our real life purpose?
saw grief as a chance to be more in touch with the heights and depths of our senses, sensuality and even sexuality?
recognised that it might be our soul’s purpose and intention that we go through what we are going through to be the “best we can be,” and to see our life as more “full and complete” having experienced such extremes of joy and despair. Maybe we may even throw more caution to the wind and live life with more excitement and adventure!

So here’s to loving our grief and not running from it!

WE teach people how to treat us. Stop blaming them!

“Let us eat cake.”

Running away from something or someone is not necessarily an act of cowardice. It may in fact be your greatest act of courage.

Perhaps grief is our biggest opportunity when we embrace its expression, desire and intention.