Written Articles | Dynamic People Engager

Jul 13

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5 ways we sabotage love and intimacy – something we dearly crave for, yet perhaps deeply fear

By janellefletcher | Uncategorized, Written Articles | No Comments

Let me share a personal secret. I have been an expert at “keeping intimacy at bay” for much of my life and it is an area of my life that requires constant learning and a willingness to open to such closeness, love and connection. It isn’t that I set out deliberately on this path, but one that is only now being revealed in its fullness.

The death of my grandmother when I was 14 was traumatic. Feeling unsupported in my grief, I subconsciously chose a more “closed off” world where I kept to myself, became emotionally independent from others and nestled down into a world of eating and weight issues, academia and high achievement. This was my private world, where I now realize I abandoned a loving and affectionate parent-child bond and closed myself off from forming close friendships and intimate relationships. Not allowing others to love and care for me, I also chose to not care about myself enough to accept love. I went into my own “prison” and shut the door to intimacy. And it has been in my adult life, where I have sometimes been challenged in this area when people get to see my vulnerability, sensitivity and my discomfort sometimes around love and intimacy. It is ironic too that it is really secretly something we crave for, yet perhaps fear to a degree.

So here are 5 ways, amongst many, that we sabotage love and intimacy especially in regards to our bodies.

1. We pack on the weight to hide “within”. Yes, weight has to do with food, but at a deeper level, this is sometimes a way to keep people at bay. “If I don’t love myself, no-one else will. If I stick in a body that I do not like, there is reason for someone not to get close to me or approach me sexually or intimately.” Also when we stuff down our emotions by filling the void with food, we intentionally or unintentionally avoid the opportunity to connect emotionally with others.

2. We close down within our bodies. We become more stuck and rigid in our movement and we lose the spring in our step when we lack love. We may also manifest women’s health problems particularly related to our sexual organs and sexual and reproductive function. e.g infertility, endometriosis, polycystic ovarian syndrome and menstrual problems to name a few. Sometimes our health issues may be a result of, or cause of our “closing down”.

3. We don’t express our emotions and we start suffering from “depassion.” (another name in my books for depression) For those of us who learned very early not to be emotional, our emotions have to ‘sit’ somewhere. In many cases it sits in the form of depression which interferes with our ability and openness to intimacy as well as our “joie de vivre”.

4. We may go to the extremes of sexual exploration – denying or closing off to it completely, putting ourselves in dead-in or abusive relationships, or having lots of casual encounters that keep us from the “fullness” of sexual intimacy and love. A quick encounter may relieve sexual tension, but not create closeness.

5. We become busy. For those of us who struggle with intimacy, it is much easier to get busy and share ourselves around. We are often great mothers who care deeply for our kids. We work hard, help lots of people, become rescuers, martyrs and general “busy-bodies”. Yes we do this lovingly, but it might also be our means of staying away from more intimate closeness.

Jun 30

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To mother or not to mother – acknowledgement for you “mother figures” out there!

By janellefletcher | health & well-being, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

\A comment at a party recently threw me! When a woman, knowing a little of my history, hinted that she knew I had six children, abruptly asked, “So did you make all of them?”, I recoiled into my seat with a somewhat stunned mullet look at my face. What a daft question! Yes I made 3 of them! And yes I was “gifted” three of them following the death of my then-husband’s wife (and birthmother to the girls) but so what? Does that lessen my impact on having been a 24/7 influence in the lives of all 6 of them over 21 years to date? Does it mean I did “less of a job” than a woman who has “made” them and perhaps even “birthed” them? Does this deny the acknowledgement of those of us women who compassionately devote our time to OUR kids. step kids, surrogate kids, foster kids, grandkids or whatever kids, whether born to us, made by us, adopted into our family or simply cared for as one of my/our own for whatever reason?

Today’s post is brief. I love and care for those of you who have transitioned into “motherhood” or “compassionate caring” whatever way you “slid” in there. You are such an important person in the life of your “kids”. I also honour those of you who have wanted children, but who may not have “made them” for some reason – for your pain and for your heartache…but who have also found other avenues of “mothering” others. To all of you men and women out there who have been a mother figure of sorts, hail to you! To those of you struggling with blended family living, may you get the support you need. To those grandparents out there, who thought they had passed the milestone of “parenting” and are now re-parenting their grandkids, I marvel at you. To those who have taken on the “kids” of others – through adoption, fostering or whatever, and dare I say, perhaps kids that were destined at a soul level for you, I see you, hear you and acknowledge you. Mothering, in my eyes, is the most profound privilege I have ever had, and perhaps ever will have. XX

Jun 22

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What the doctors don’t tell us about women’s health and body issues…

By janellefletcher | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, women's life changes and transitions, Written Articles | No Comments

We have an amazing privilege to live in our bodies, and “giving ourselves over to the experts” may not provide the solutions to our woes. In my work with women, who have experienced difficulties with fertility, miscarriage loss, post-abortion healing, eating disorders and weight issues, body dissatisfaction, depression and intimate relationships, there are some things in common, which are often things that the medical fraternity may not have considered, discussed or ventured near. Also I know how addressing the underlying stuff, rather than applying the band-aid has made for huge, life-changing transformations for the women I have had the privilege of supporting. Try this on!

1. Many of our women’s health, body, weight and womanly issues are influenced by a loss, change, trauma, abuse or grief that occurred when we were developing through puberty or in critical times of change and transition in our development as women. Such “hard stuff” sits in our bodies and we often create a story about our bodies and ourselves from that situation – consciously or unconsciously. When we rewrite and heal that story, things change for us.

2. Our “secrets” are stored in our bodies. We need to reveal our secret, and let new healing energy flow into our bodies. Food, medication and whatever else we stuff into our body will only stuff down the secret and the emotions. This will create other “unwellness”. Find a caring, compassionate person to reveal your secret to and get the support you need.

3. Our own “knowingness” – a.k.a intuition – knows the best thing to do for our health and well-being issues. We know ourselves more than any other “expert” out there. When we truly get honest with ourselves, and stop the B.S, beating around the bush or half truths we give the “experts”, we really do know the causes and underlying factors of our “issues”. When we sit still and listen, we have the answers ourselves. This can save us lots of angst and loads of dollars!

4. Our body gives us very obvious cues. The problem is we don’t listen. Start listening to the cues of hunger, fullness, pain, illness, libido, wellness, stress, desire for exercise or requirement for rest, the desire to help others and the yearning to have “me time”, the desire for soul nourishment and creative fulfillment and the cue to stop sometimes. Medicating, mind-numbing substances and activities, certain treatments and procedures and diet regimes dull our natural, in-built and highly acute cues!

5. Our body, mind and soul are one… In my experience, connecting with our soul/spirit is the place to start for any of our body or health issues. Stillness is key. Letting go of control is also important. Watching for signs is useful. Reclaiming their femininity has also helped many of my clients resolve their womanly issues. Faith can move mountains, and a “possibilities way of being”, beyond what we have known in the past is possible, will lead a way for miracles to occur.

Want some help you apply these principles? Let me help you finally become the beautiful, empowered woman you are and reclaim your health and things you really want in your life. janelle@janellefletcher.com

Jun 15

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How to stop pigging out in the pantry, and practise soulful self-care instead

By janellefletcher | health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, Uncategorized, Written Articles | No Comments

Get yourself of our the “chaotic eating /non eating cycle” once and for all! Eating is an emotional experience – in a positive and negative light. Staying stuck in weight and poor eating and exercise patterns are all feeding you in certain ways – filling the void in most cases or squashing emotions down. For me personally, it pays to find ways to satisfy my soul, not fill up my stomach, because I know the cycle I can get myself into when I eat too much, get annoyed with myself, say ‘bugger it” and abandon all acts of self-care! Here are some ideas to get YOU started in soulful self-care, rather than pigging out in the pantry. How do I know this stuff? I got myself out of 11 years of that chaotic eating and non-eating myself and haven’t been back.

• Name the emotion or situation that leads you to your undesirable eating, drinking or “falling off the self-care wagon.” For many women, it is loneliness, anger, creative hibernation, feeling unsupported, resentment, exhaustion…What’s yours?

• Find an outlet to release emotions. Like with the coke bottle, when you continue shaking it up, it will eventually explode! In such cases, this explosion may end up in a massive food binge, an exercise “walk-out” rather than a workout, and other unhelpful behaviour. Recognise that emotion next time and immediately try out a different response.

• Stop dieting Diet is quite literally “die” plus a small cross on the end! When you limit and deprive yourself, at some stage you will kick, scream and rebel. Your body cries out “feed me” and your willpower tries to ignore it or overpower your body’s cries and such conflict can set up the “never-win-cycle” of yo-yo dieting, fluctuating weight and body dissatisfaction.

• Start listening to, and honouring your body’s physical hungers. How often do you override a stomach grumble, headache or other hunger-pang sign because “it’s not the right time to be eating, it’s not on the diet plan or I should wait for dinner mentality”? We have a built in system that tells us to feed ourselves, how much to eat, what to eat and when we are full. It lets us know what exercise makes us feel great. It tells us when to stop and rest. Listen!

• Create a soul nourishment menu and start “fulfilling up” on a daily basis. Draw a round circle on a piece of paper. Cut it into 8 equal parts. Sit in stillness for 5-10 minutes. Ask your soul what it needs to help you feel fulfilled. Slot those into the “8 pie-pieces”. Be as specific as possible. If it is music that soothes your soul, what type of music? When do you like to play it? Do you listen to music or do you play it? If it is being with people, who are they? Where do they like to meet? What are you doing with these people? If it is a creative outlet, what medium are you using? Is it solitary or in a group. Is it for work or pleasure?

• Remember how eating can be a pleasurable experience. Be fully “present” at mealtimes, rather than eating on the run. Sit together with your family. Turn off distractions. Cook something interesting. Eat slowly and taste the food. Set up a beautiful table. And as the French would say as they indulge in the pleasure of food, wine and good soul-nourishing company, “Bon Appetit!”

Jun 08

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3 reasons why you shouldn’t give up and throw in the towel yet

By janellefletcher | health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, Written Articles | No Comments

Given up on what your soul is crying out for – like a peaceful family, a fabulous relationship, a service you wish to offer the world or a creative dream you may have? Feel like what you really want is NOT round the corner and is eons away? Feel like you have no more ooomph to wait another day for a door to finally open for you?

I remember clearly the years when I was alone and I was still hanging in there to find Mr Right again. I know very well the years I have put into my business with loads of closed doors and a few fleeting opportunities. I despaired for months sometimes about my kids and wondered what else I could do to make things better for them. I have cried out to God/Spirit many, many times (you can hear the angst in that!) in search for my place on this earth and for things I was asking for to finally arrive.

Following my darkest days of feeling alone in my life (when I was 14-24 and from 40-47) , I simply had to surrender into not doing it on my own, not trying to work out how I could “make it” and not trying to control the circumstances of my life and happiness. It was in those deep, soul-searching moments for my place in this world, that I formed a relationship with Spirit and started what I call “constant conversations”. So what do I mean by that?

It means when I need to make a decision, I ask Spirit and my special friends and family who have passed, to help give me the sign – a yes or a no, a red “wait” sign or go-ahead green light. When I am feeling alone, I ask for companionship. Sometimes that comes in the form of an unexpected phone call, a text from someone I haven’t heard from in a while, a “success story” and thank you from a client or a feeling of peace, when indeed I am alone with no-one else around. When I don’t know what my next step is, I ask for guidance and I simply watch what appears in my thoughts, in my gut, in my surroundings and in my day-to-day world and I follow that. I guess I can say I follow my life now (with a companion), rather than lead my life alone.

So why shouldn’t you give up?

1. You were purposefully put on this planet. Yep, one day we finally have to get that there is no-one else like us! We think others are out there doing the same things as us career wise for example, but no-one is like us! We think there is another “chick” out there who would better suit a particular man – but that chick may not be destined for him. The perfect person might be you! Even through the hard stuff – eg relationship hassles – perhaps we are the perfect ones to be learning what we are learning from them (and their “faults”!) and giving the other person exactly what they need to be learning at this time by living with us through our “good, bad and ugly”.

2. A miracle is often around the corner How many times before I finally met my new french man/lover did I see the signs – an interest in the French rugby team, french market, french music… but not the French man himself? I could have easily given up and settled for my ‘second best” options – which were in fact there! What I needed to do was decide I really deserved my heart’s total desire (not second best) and had to “give up” any ideas of a relationship with these others and wait! Once I had let the other “options” go, my soul mate appeared. Stop settling for second best, put your heart and soul’s desires firmly out there and be patient, watch for the signs and sit in the faith and the comfort (sometimes discomfort!) and see the best for you revealed. It’s about unwavering faith and deservedness my friends. And sometimes the miracle is in a different and even better package than we ever imagined which would not have occurred if we hadn’t waited.

3. Our dark days often light up more clearly what we really want When we rant and rave to the universe about what is causing us worry and despair, we often get clearer ideas and more focused on what we really DO want. Nothing like a good old rant and “clear-out”! Cry, shout, let it all out…in the solitude of your own company or in a constructive activity that helps you release those pent-up emotions. For me, it has been in those moments of intense emotion and outburst that I have become crystal clear! It is also when my answer or my desire has turned up on my plate!

Jun 02

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7 common mistakes women make to make themselves less desirable

By janellefletcher | Uncategorized, Written Articles | One Comment

Having had a few years being single and also years of being in a marriage where I didn’t allow myself to be that “desirable”, I have noticed many mistakes women make that keep them feeling undesirable, single or in a “far from hot” relationship.

1. Women associate their weight, shape and appearance with being desirable. When their weight, shape or look changes beyond what is “acceptable” in their eyes, their own beliefs, words and actions send out the “undesirable vibe” to others. One that says, “I’m not worth getting close to”, “You wouldn’t like me” or “I don’t like me, so why should you?” They avoid social opportunities because of….wait for it…their weight, their dress that will no longer fit or their skin or hair that they think won’t turn a thousand heads.

2. Women try to be equal in all ways to a man, so lose the beauty and desirability factor of being feminine. Being feminine does not mean being weak. Being feminine can be incredibly strong and sexy. Allow yourself to be given to. Allow yourself to dress, smell, move, dance and enjoy feminine pleasures. If the “bloke jobs” aren’t your thing, it may not be necessary for you to be the “wonder woman”. Allow yourself to loosen your grip on “controlling” everything and move away from the “I can (or have to) do everything” mentality.

3. Women give, give and give some more to others – namely children, husband, partner, neighbour, boss…and whoever else “needs” them, and the women have nothing left for themselves. They feel stretched, exhausted and often resentful or envious. None of this is attractive! Find a passion that you can indulge in and receive pleasure from.

4. Women use the word “just” a lot. “I’m just a mother.” “I just work part-time.” “I’m just not…..enough.” Just is a very belittling word and creates that undesirable vibe. Motherhood can be one of the most fulfilling roles we have as women, and a happy mum, in my eyes, is hugely desirable. A women who finds balance working part-time whilst allowing herself time for life balance enjoying other pleasures is very enjoyable to be around. Banish the word “just” when it belittles you. With shoulders back and head held high, proudly let others know who you are.

5. Women often associate lack of sexual activity or opportunity as a key marker of their desirability and as time goes on, their confidence wanes even further. Ladies, we do not need a partner to be the sexy, sensual, desiring, passion-filled women we are. Find other outlets to unleash your inner sexy. Take up a dance class, redesign a room with luscious colour and texture, learn a new language, prepare gorgeous food and invite someone over. Dare to unleash some of your sexual taboos of the past.

6. Women fob off compliments. A strong, desirable women doesn’t need compliments to “up” her self esteem. When she receives them though, she actually hears them, acknowledges them and says a simple “Thank you” She doesn’t go on at length about how cheap the dress was, the bargain she got with a friend’s friend who did her hair or completely ignore or fob off the compliment by saying, “No I’m not” or boomeranging the compliment saying “Hey you look great too!” Start giving and receiving compliments about your character and accomplishments, not just your looks, fashion or external stuff.

7. Women nag a lot and are far too bossy. The other day I overheard a woman talking to her husband on speaker phone and she gave him the “tenth degree” about every answer he gave. By the end of the conversations – nagging, bossiness and all – he was backed into a corner. I have no doubt she was less desirable in his eyes! Chill girls and ask yourself, “Does what I am nagging about really matter?” If not, hush up!

May 25

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How to stop falling flat on your face from juggling too many roles and responsibilities.

By janellefletcher | Uncategorized, Written Articles | No Comments

As women we are multi-jugglers without a doubt. We put an expectation on ourselves, and therefore teach others, that we will be there “come hell or high water” for them, but then fall flat on the ground with exhaustion feeling like we have given our all, but nobody is there to mop us up. We pick ourselves up, put that smile back on our faces and start the juggling trick again. Ring a bell with you? Motherhood, lover-hood, biz chick-hood and women-hood is a tricky juggling act!

Yep we juggle kids needs with partner needs, biz aspirations and roles with mothering, and money/time on the tribe’s needs while we say “no” to something we would dearly love to do or know would be good for us. We keep alert of everyone else’s needs, (and attend to them the best way we can), but ignore our own exhaustion signs and passionate needs and desires. We feel guilty when we haven’t made life easier or happier for someone else, while we quietly cry out for an easier and happier life for ourselves.

So do we have to juggle so many balls in the air at once and is there a better way to juggle life’s demands that leaves us feeling less zapped, more energized and happy and “more together” in the process too? Can we actually feel less split? Here’s what I continue to learn…

* As women, I believe we will always be “split” in our loyalties, simply because we are hard-wired to care about others. If someone (eg, partner) is not happy about what “share” they are receiving, then they need to look at themselves and have their own needs met from a greater variety of activities, people and situations than just “you”. You are not their only source of energy, love, inspiration, care…

* We want to be loved by our kids so we often sacrifice ourselves, our time, our money and our energy for them. In the short-term, this can work, but in the long term we can become very resentful. Learn to say no to your kids sometimes, and a big YES regularly to your own needs. It might just teach the others something valuable in the process, and like they say on the airlines, “Put your own oxygen mask on first.” Life-saving advice!

* I notice how many appointments, practices and events I schedule in my diary for “doing” things. Why not regularly schedule in retreat time? This does not mean paying huge dollars, ordering in the parents of babysitters and heading off for one weekend once a year to feel temporarily “fueled” for another year. It means daily, or at least weekly, time for YOU…..and yes that means YOU – minus guilt, minus the “sacrificial lamb stuff” and minus the drama. Simply make it a part of your week, much like others (ie kids and partners!!) do!

Having been a juggler all of my life, (6 kids being part of that equation and various work roles!), I may never lose the “balls”, or the “balls” might change every now and then, but it is in the way that I juggle that will determine whether there is a smile on my face or not.

May 12

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How to get what you want in your life

By janellefletcher | Uncategorized, Written Articles | No Comments

Let me help you learn to listen to your body/spirit/gut so you can have peace around your decisions and get what you want in life. I simply love to help people manifest what they want in their life and to take their power back. Who is the expert in your life in terms of health, relationships, career, life…? Your intuition gives you the best answers – in fact you have all the answers and directions within, over and beyond the so-called experts !!! I have some great personal examples. I now have 6 kids following infertility. I still have my breast lump but all is well. I now have a beautiful new man in my life. I now have a simpler life because I go with my “gut” over and above my mind. Want some direction or decision to be made in your life…. Let me help you on that path. janelle@janellefletcher.com

May 04

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5 keys to breaking free from your cage of “not-good-enoughness”

By janellefletcher | body love & body image, health & well-being, manifesting & abundance, relationships, intimacy & sex, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Yes, people can “put us in a box” but often it is we (yes YOU and I !) that cage ourselves into that prison or cage called “not-good-enoughness.” If we hold the belief that says, “We need to be more…” or “We aren’t good enough to…” or “We could never have…”, that is our doing, not someone else’s. Let’s be responsible! We locked ourselves in that cage (or at least have moments of hanging out in there), and we have the keys to get ourselves out of there and experience life with new “wings” – a.k.a awesome relationships, working in a job that is our passion, feeling fit and fab in our bodies, enjoying hot sex and intimacy and/or feeling creative and successful.

So here are 5 of my own keys that got me out of my cage – some of them might even fit your lock! If they don’t, don’t flutter around in a frenzy. Instead sit still on your perch for a bit and let your inner knowing tell you what will help YOU fly in the way you were born to.

1. Remember what delighted you as a child and reignite that. From a very young age, I did not sit still. I tapped my feet. I loved to dance, and moving and grooving is “in my blood”. When I don’t dance, I feel stifled. I reignite this now by being fully expressed in my body – whether I am exercising, speaking, making love or simply hanging out. What you loved as a child, is intrinsically who you are, so start flying around in those passions again.

2. Remember what your dreams, visions and beliefs for the world were as a child and reignite those. I loved autobiographies of people who made a difference in the world – for those who healed, who served, who offered hope and who inspired others to find ways through their hardships and to step up. I had a natural inclination to be with people who felt different – disabled, old, fragile, poor, disheartened…. I dreamed of traveling and being with people from different cultures. I choose now to live my own autobiography inspiring women in their transformation – from a natural, feminine and spiritual perspective. I continue to travel and always will. What you have dreamed about, envisioned for the world and believed in, you are prepared for. “Be the change” as they say, but you can’t do that from a cage!

3. Find your own rhythm. There have been times in my life where i have been super-busy – sometimes out of what I thought was necessity, but much of it was to “prove” myself to either me or someone else that I was “good-enough”. Nothing wrong with having things in your life. But for me, slowing down and simplifying really feels more like me than when I wore the “superwoman” cape. Achieving loads of stuff in a short amount of time does not necessarily equal “you are good enough.” And remember, the most efficient flying often doesn’t happen by loads of flapping of your wings.

4. Flock together with others who believe wholeheartedly in you and who love you for who you are and who encourage you to be in your total awesomeness. Sometimes this means not allowing certain people to hang out in your flying space. Sometimes it means flocking with new groups of people. Sometimes it might mean migrating to a new house, new flat, new job or a new country even! My motto is, “If I feel light in this company, “flock” (=group of people), or location, I am in the right place.”

5. Good enough-ness is a choice. In any given moment we can choose the thoughts, words and actions that align with good-enoughness or not-good-enoughness with vastly different outcomes. eg. “I am big, fat and ugly and have nothing to wear out tonight. I can’t go out! This choice leaves us talking to our four walls, feeling sad, depressed, lonely and probably hitting the chocolate biscuit container. Versus,” I have clothes that really suit me, my body and my personality. I love that and I can’t wait to see what awaits tonight, who I meet, what I will do and what opportunities open up.” Yeehoooo Our choices in each moment lead to entirely different outcomes. Choose mindfully. But also “carry your body” in a way that embodies that choice.

So take action now. Let me and others know an example of how you have “caged yourself’ in in the past, and share one strategy that has helped you break free of that. Others will love your ideas and wisdom.

Apr 26

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Caring too much (Uber-caring) and being “NICE”

By janellefletcher | body love & body image, health & well-being, self esteem & self confidence, Written Articles | No Comments

Inbuilt within me is an undeniable urge, desire and need to care about others’ well-being. I care. I am compassionate. I want the best for people. I want to make life easier for others. I want them to have a smile on their face. I want them to feel at peace with a situation. I want them to feel happy, content, and simply cared for. All respectable and honorable qualities, but let me give you a low-down of how sometimes my care-taking of others has not been about “care”, but more about my own lack of self value and self-appreciation.

Let me give you some great examples which you might relate to.

I cross town at my own time and expense to give my kids some valuable time with their friends. Yes caring, but equally comes from my esteem which says “If I say no, they will make a fuss, or they won’t like me!”

I go out of my way to help an exchange student learn English to study well and pass his exam. Yes indeed caring, well-meaning and yes I’m a great one to teach English. But again I notice this is sometimes for my own gain. That I helped him. That he didn’t “fail” whilst under my roof. That his homestay experience will be viewed by his parents and him as “successful”.

I spend money on something that I would deeply love for myself, but instead spend it on another for their pleasure. Perhaps if I was dead-honest that will be thankful for the experience and my generosity.

I care about my partner’s desire to spend time with me, and I will sacrifice some jobs and errands that need doing or deny myself of catching up with a good friend, in order to show “I care.”

As a write I get this incredibly sad feeling in the revelation that yes, I do appear caring, but deep within me is a deeper need to be accepted, to be viewed as kind, compassionate and self sacrificing. I am also fully aware of the expectations my “caring” sets up and the resentment I sometimes feel when my Uber-caring has meant my own body.mind and soul needs have been sacrificed. I also get that by Uber-caring, I don’t do others a favour. It doesn’t allow them to step up in a different way, nor does it allow them to grow whatever they need to develop within themselves.

So checking out the words of Winnie the Pooh, Is it LOVE for others, or lack of love for self that has me/us uber-caring? As a past coach of mine put it. “NICE” – is not about being nice, polite and fitting in. “NICE” is the acronym for Not In me to Care Enough. In other words, we appease. We put others’ needs, wants and desires first. We stop allowing others to fend for themselves and develop new skills. Perhaps we just need to stop being so NICE.”